First off I just want to say that he is lucky in the sense that he had a good upbringing, always had a roof over his head, food to etc. I know those are less fortunate out there but I just need to vent over the way my partners parents treat him and whether I'm being ridiculous or if its actually normal
DP has a sister who is extremely clever and has a very well paid job, high up in a large multinational company. She worked hard for it and she deserves it. However, his parents, at every possible opportunity bring up how clever Sister is, and how DP isn't. Comment like "oh well DD was so clever and so bright and gifted and you were just well... haha... not so bright or gifted... ". This isn't a one off comment either, a comment like this crops up at least once a month, comparing how clever Sister is compared to DP. DP has a decent job too, its not like he's sat at home doing nothing!!
Then we come onto DP Dad. I don't know why, but he seems to resent DP a lot. He was horrible to him growing up, used to shout at him for no reason, scream and swear, call him a fucking idiot, selfish dickhead etc when he was only about 8 years old. DP thinks he just took his frustrations out of him for some reason. DP dad has mellowed out as he has got older, but he still doesn't have anything to do with DP unless we are at his house. DP dad will arrange to see DP Sister at least once a month, they regularly chat and have phone calls with each other, when we are at the parents house he regularly talks about his daughter and how clever she is and how much she's achieved and talks about her like he is proud of her and he loves her (as a dad should) DP gets none of this, he makes small talk with him when he's at his house and other than that, its like DP doesn't exist other than when we are up visiting
Its getting to the point where we don't ever want to go down and visit them now. We live in the NE and they live on the South Coast so any visit is usually across a weekend, we used to love going to see them and would make an effort to go down at least once a month, but the weird behaviours that I have noted above only seem to get worse the more time goes on. DP doesn't want to bring this up with them because "it won't change anything, it's always been like this and I'm used to it now"
I need advice on how to keep my mouth shut and to stop over thinking it. I regularly get upset because I feel sorry for my DP. I have a great relationship with both of my parents and it makes me sad that he doesn't have that. It also makes us resent Sister slightly too, she is quite spoilt and stubborn but parents wouldn't ever dare say no to her because of the shitstorm they would get if they did so there is preferential treatment there too.
I've been overthinking it today and its been making me quite upset and I just needed to vent really. Unfortunately I think it will be like this for the rest of their lives and I also worry about what will happen when grandkids start appearing too.
Thank you for reading and sorry for the essay!