Why am I not happy?

[Throwawaytitle]

I've been very sad for a couple of years, I'm being treated for depression but I don't know why. On paper I have everything and even my husband asked why am I not happy.
I have a new job starting soon (exsisting job was an issue)
I have a lovely husband
I have two amazing children
We have money and a house. Plenty of food and spare cash
My life is so much better now then at other points, I had a rough childhood then was homeless.
My sleeping has slipped so I fall asleep at 9 and wake up at 5, I spend too much time by myself and not enough with my family. My self esteem is in the minus numbers.
Why am I mentally so bad now when my life is at its highest point? I have everything I wanted and I hate myself all the time.

Hi, sorry not a troll, just changed my name as I didn't want to be connected to previous posts. Sorry you think my feelings aren't genuine.

Hi, you can talk to me about what's going on if you want? Feel free to PM me if you like

In fact thats the story of my life, no one believes how I feel when on the surface it looks so good. The first time I reach out I'm not believed.

@Throwawaytitle

No don't worry, you are believed, I believe you. Feel free to talk to me about what's going on if you want

Thanks @splishsplash. I guess that's the issue. I just feel so sad all the time and that everything is too much effort. I've got piles of stuff I need to sort out but I keep thinking what's the point. I lost a friend recently to suicide and that hit me for 6, so even if it was a thought in the past it isn't now. I've realised I got to keep living even if I can't be happy I've got to fake it.

What does make you happy in life? When have you been most content?

On holiday, somewhere away from real life. I used to have biker friends and go plus 100 on the back, or be at festivals and just have the music and atmosphere. Being on a plane makes me happy, doing new things. Taking my children places and showing them the world.

Hello @Throwawaytitle
I am so, so sorry that I reported your thread in error.
I hope that you soon feel much better.
I suffer from anxiety, so I know how it is.
All I can suggest is that you go back to your HCP.
Hope that you have an ok day, and sorry again.