Mild autism as an adult woman??

[goingtogetsomesleep]

I have recently started to wonder if I might have some autistic tendencies, but I definitely wouldn't consider myself autistic (and I don't think any of my friends or family would either). For some silly reason I ended up doing an online test that came back possible autism, then did another 3 and they all said similar. Now I don't know what to think. Anyone out there who as an adult has realised they might have it and how foes it affect them?
What ringed a bell for me was reading about women often masking well... so basically managing to carry on as normal.
I thought i just have social anxiety, that i was a bit awkward sometimes. Now I don't know
Sorry it's a rambling post. Perhaps these online tests are rubbish anyway? And would it really change anything if i put a different label on it?

It comes down to why you want a formal diagnosis. Is it going to get you help to deal with issues or will it help you feel better about yourself.

I was diagnosed dyslexic in adulthood as I hit a point where I needed to know, was I really dyslexic or just thick. I was shocked and surprised by my report.

What tests did you do? I'm sure if you post them someone can tell you how much credence to give them!

A diagnosis is only as useful as what it gets you. Do you feel you need treatment? Would it help to have a diagnosis in case you need employment adjustments? Would it give you closure?

It's possible you are autistic - a lot of women are diagnosed late into adulthood because we are notoriously good at masking. Online tests can be useful to a point but they're not a diagnostic tool, obviously. So I guess you just need to ask yourself whether you need to pursue assessment. Private assessment is expensive and NHS assessment is slow and a bit of a postcode lottery.

Either way, don't be ashamed of who you are. Autism/Asperger's can confer a lot of difficulty in our lives, but it can, too, be a source of joy.

I've got autism, but I had a complicated history and ended up getting kind of "confirmed" without a diagnosis. My father and grandfather both have quite obvious autism, and my GP and parents (I was 15ish when it came up properly) both thought I had it too due to similar symptoms.
I was also repeatedly let down by CAHMS so eventually gave up on getting an official diagnosis. But ultimately, I know I am autistic - I have the PIP and the traits to prove it haha! Ultimately it's been good to be able to acknowledge that the way I am isn't due to a personality flaw / a wrong choice, and is instead just a different way of thinking.

Could you specify what you wanted to know about autism and I could maybe try to answer (based on personal experience obviously!) x

I'm an adult woman who has realised I probably have autism. I have no intention of seeking a diagnosis, as I get by alright. I only realised when my dbro got a diagnosis as an adult.

It is helpful to know about because now I understand why I struggled so much which social interactions when I was a kid - I've spent a lot of my life thinking I was just a bit odd!

Thank you for answering. I don't know if i want to confirm it or not. I'm not sure it would help. Maybe only to explain things to myself but I don't think I would actually tell anyone. I have spent all my life trying so hard to fit in and be normal. occasionally I feel confident and ok but most of the time I feel unsure and worry that I'm awkward.
I'm not this bad with friends but I don't have many friends and even with friends i still feel like I have to censor myself and worry and afterwards go over conversations etc.
I love spending time with my family because I love them of course but also i can truly relax and be me. Unfortunate my family lives far and I don't see them that often. I am also myself with my kids and i am married but relationship with eith DH is not always easy.

I'd love to hear how other women deal with it ? Do you stop pretending? I don't think I can. Because to me it's not pretending perhaps, it's just how i am, but surely everyone does that to a certain extent? They present themselves better to others? Or not? I don't know 🤷‍♀️

@goingtogetsomesleep

Thank you for answering. I don't know if i want to confirm it or not. I'm not sure it would help. Maybe only to explain things to myself but I don't think I would actually tell anyone. I have spent all my life trying so hard to fit in and be normal. occasionally I feel confident and ok but most of the time I feel unsure and worry that I'm awkward. I'm not this bad with friends but I don't have many friends and even with friends i still feel like I have to censor myself and worry and afterwards go over conversations etc. I love spending time with my family because I love them of course but also i can truly relax and be me. Unfortunate my family lives far and I don't see them that often. I am also myself with my kids and i am married but relationship with eith DH is not always easy.

I'd love to hear how other women deal with it ? Do you stop pretending? I don't think I can. Because to me it's not pretending perhaps, it's just how i am, but surely everyone does that to a certain extent? They present themselves better to others? Or not? I don't know 🤷‍♀️

Honestly, I think everyone has to do a bit of pretending to get by (not necessarily on the same level as autistic people masking, but there are still elements of it). I think if everyone said or behaved how they really wanted to, we'd probably descend into chaos.

So yeah, I'd say I'm still "pretending". A lot of it is so ingrained that I sometimes can't tell when I'm pretending or not (I usually figure it out based on how shattered I am at the end of the day). However, I'm making more calculations that involve my autism now.

E.g. up until very recently I felt totally shit about the level of anxiety I felt entering the workforce and feeling like I needed to do it instantly, but now I'm slowing the process down and focusing on other things I enjoy more (for example studying). I'm fortunate enough to be in a position where I can take a break and re-evaluate in a calmer state of mind. I'm also trying to relearn that subjecting yourself to pain and stress isn't always the right thing to do / character building.

But I guess I am still pretending, yeah. My natural state is quite "blank stare, not a lot of talking" if I'm honest, but I'm a lot more social and switched on when I need to be. I'm not sure if that helped, sorry if it didn't! x

It has been suggested repeatedly by friends and family that they think I have autism. I tried a few of the tests online too and they all came back with a very high likelihood.

I looked at asking for a diagnosis but the waiting time on the NHS is years and even if I got a diagnosis, I don't see how it would help. There is very little support available for adults, especially those who are coping. And I have no desire to be 'labelled' so I decided to let it lie.

I have read more about it, understand my traits better and have stopped beating myself up for being socially clumsy. I've come to terms with it and prefer not to involve anyone else.

You may want confirmation, you should think what will be of most benefit to you.xx

Youngdumbfunny

Yes, exactly, everyone i think pretends a bit. So this might be normal or might be more than normal i just don't know. I do feel tired after long interactions, i also feel excited and nervous if I'm going to meet 2 friends for a meal for example. I don't know why I am nervous. No reason but i am and sometimes feel like it would be easier just not to go, at the same time i want to go because i like them etc etc
I think I might come across quite unapproachable and not friendly to people but it's just that I don't know what to say so I often say nothing. I even overanalyse saying hello sometimes.
Also I haven't given it much thought before but as it was a question in one of the tests I realise that I don't look people in the eyes, ever. I usually look at their mouth. But again i though it was fine as it's still the face and not too far off

@goingtogetsomesleep

Youngdumbfunny Yes, exactly, everyone i think pretends a bit. So this might be normal or might be more than normal i just don't know. I do feel tired after long interactions, i also feel excited and nervous if I'm going to meet 2 friends for a meal for example. I don't know why I am nervous. No reason but i am and sometimes feel like it would be easier just not to go, at the same time i want to go because i like them etc etc I think I might come across quite unapproachable and not friendly to people but it's just that I don't know what to say so I often say nothing. I even overanalyse saying hello sometimes. Also I haven't given it much thought before but as it was a question in one of the tests I realise that I don't look people in the eyes, ever. I usually look at their mouth. But again i though it was fine as it's still the face and not too far off

Do you think the knowledge of being autistic will make life in any way easier for you? If I'm honest, I think if you're actively wondering enough to start a thread on Mumsnet about it then you could always look into trying to get a diagnosis. However (and this isn't to put you off, I just want to give you a bit of pros and cons) some of the downsides are; It can take absolutely ages particularly during the pandemic Women are underdiagnosed and often ignored to a very high degree A diagnosis could either make you feel better or worse depending on your own individual self esteem It may actually make you more socially uncomfortable (for me anyway, I do tend to overanalyse and think "Am I doing this because I want to, or am I doing this because I'm autistic?")

But there are some benefits - possibility of self acceptance, means it kind of "justifies" some quirky behaviour to NT people (sorry I know that sounds shit, but some of the odd stuff I do I can explain by just saying "I'm autistic" rather than going through my long and arduous thought process). There's also a possibility of benefits, or easier access to a changed work environment if you get a diagnosis - e.g. sound cancelling headphones, clearer instructions, not talking to people face to face etc etc.

Sorry don't know if this is helpful, just a bit of a ramble. There are pros and cons I think to knowing you're autistic, so it's truly up to what your gut feels (and how badly you're being affected by the symptoms now). xx

It's perfectly possible to have some autistic traits but for those traits not to be enough on their own for a person to be diagnosed autistic.

From www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/diagnostic-criteria/all-audiences

"The DSM-5 Manual defines autism spectrum disorder as “persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction” and “restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests” (this includes sensory behaviour), present since early childhood, to the extent that these “limit and impair everyday functioning”

I've found the descriptions of autism in this article to be very helpful neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

There are several support threads in this section www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnetters_with_sn