This is something that massively surprised me but perhaps I was naive.
I’ve been in a relationship with a judge (District judge) who was terrifyingly callous and had preconceptions about social class. I was brought up in a middle class background, more so than he, but the things he came out with were worrying for someone who makes decisions about the lives of others! He was also mildly racist - obviously not actively but would laugh at racist jokes etc. It was horrifying to hear people talk to me about him like he was some sort of God...that he was obviously wonderful because of what he did. On top of that he used to struggle with spelling particular worlds which was even more frustrating knowing what he was like and how people thought he was incredibly fucking fantastic. He, like many others, got into the job through connections rather than pure intellect.
My friend was married to a lawyer at a huge international law firm. Everyone thought he was balanced, sharp, intelligent...in fact he probably was all those things. At home he would cry that he hated his life and he would take it out on her, tell her she needed to lose weight, give her silent treatment for hours or even days. A real monster but to the outside world he was wonder man. It was chilling.
Another friend dated a consultant doctor for 4 years. She fell pregnant and he left the house the same day, nowhere to be seen for days, wanted nothing to do with her. She miscarried and when she moved out he text her two weeks later saying ‘has it definitely gone?’ No concern for her welfare, nothing. She literally has never heard from him since!
I know a job doesn’t make you a decent person but I find these things appalling that men (maybe women too) who are in these roles in society then have a very different face privately. Maybe it’s actually a case of these sorts of people being less nice than those who don’t have some other image in their public life! Anyone else had an experience like this?