Want another DC but is is my situation practical?

[memeri]

NC'd for this.

We have two DC (3 year old girl and 18mo boy). We are very fortunate to have a three bedroom house. We will never afford a 4 bedroom house. I'd love another DC but here are my concerns:

They both will have their own room when they're older

Their dynamic is beautiful, they get on so well and ADORE each other

Financially, it's not practical to have another. We can afford it but it will have an impact.

That's it really. If you'd have told me when I had my youngest I'd never have another, I'd have laughed at you. I don't physically feel done having children, I don't know if I can accept that I'll never have another child (honestly not trying to upset those who struggle) but I have to think about our DC because I don't know how a third would impact their dynamic and happiness. I would have a third sooner rather than later so that they're close in age. I really want another but I don't know if I need to be firm with myself and accept it. However, I'm massively struggling to accept that I'll never have another one. What should I do? TIA

Just to add, I've considered surrogacy so that I have another child but I couldn't ever bear to give it up. It wouldn't be right because I could never give a child away. I so want one but I need to know if it's too selfish on my current DC.

To be honest it sounds like it would negatively affect your current children, as finances sound tight, and they would miss opportunities.
You seem more bothered about “having a baby” than adding another child to the dynamic.

@lastqueenofscotland it's not that I want another baby but the love I have for my children is so strong that I feel that I want to have it for another. It's not necessarily rational but emotional. I actually prefer the toddler stage so I don't feel like I'm desperately wanting the pregnancy/newborn stage again.

go for it - two will be the same gender so can share a room later (and yes, I understand the urge for 3)

it's not that I want another baby but the love I have for my children is so strong that I feel that I want to have it for another.

I mean this kindly and gently - but what will stop you wanting to have it for a 4th? Or 5th/6th/7th? I do think practical considerations are very important in these sorts of decisions - and the interests of the children longer term must carry the most weight.

@NataliaOsipova if I'm being honest, I think a 3rd would be my limit in which I think I could function as a good mother effectively. My concern is disrupting my current DC's lives and dynamics. Is it fair to make one of them share a room when they currently don't have to? Have a few less presents? Less of my attention? Less money for fun things? Those kind of things are my concerns but I don't know if I'm looking into it too deeply.

As op said what if you want 4,5 etc where do you stop?
I’m 40 soon kids are 9 and 4 I have fleeting moments of let’s squish another one in but it’s very fleeting it’s not practical it’d be detrimental to both existing children it’s whimsy and fear of next stage of life (although also looking forward to older children)

@Figgygal I appreciate where you're coming from but I'm not sure it's the same for me as I'm in my 20s. I answered PP about that

In your situation I would stay where you are. It sounds like things are good now and having another dc would mean your current dc would be negative affected.

There is no right or wrong answer here. What is your partner's opinion?

On one hand, you are already very lucky, especially that your two have a nice relationship. My two don't!

On the other hand, you are young with energy, you might have extension/ reorganisation options, like converting the loft or partitioning a room? I have a friend who had 3 all 2 years apart, all the children are close, have a nice relationship with each other.

On the other hand some people find a third quite a step in terms of having to buy a bigger car, knock on effects of being a larger family

On the other hand lots of things you wouldn't have to buy new/again. You can keep going on each side of the argument!

It’s a hard one, if you’re in your 20s, you have plenty of time to let the idea settle. Why not revisit in 6 months? I know you mentioned a close age gap but even 3 years isn’t much and might help. What does your partner say?
I think some women always hear Mother Nature calling and have that urge. But I do think you need to weigh up the impact on your DC. You don’t say if work / career is a consideration too. I’m one of three and although it is nice, things were stretched and the dynamic was hard at times

Hi all,

I appreciate your responses and have had a think. I think we will stick with our family of 4, it works really well as it is (which I'm very grateful for!) and I don't want to potentially ruin that. I might change my mind in the future but for now at least, I'm going to resist the urge