Starting own family Christmas

[LionL]

We had our first baby this year and reading the thread about Father Christmas, I'm excited for me and DH to start our own family traditions with our DC, like how we spend Xmas Eve, Xmas morning, decorate the tree etc etc. My own childhood was not particularly happy and I'm looking forward to doing it all with our DC in the future.

However, DH's Mum is always extremely keen for us to spend the day, and in fact as many days as possible at her house, and she also hosts DH's 6 siblings and their various partners etc. Some of her DC still live at home and some are grown adults living in their own homes. She is nice but can be a little bit controlling about her Christmas.

We don't have room to host Xmas with all of DH's family round, and so we have always gone to DH's Mums. However I do daydream about us having our own family Christmasses.

How did you transition from visiting parents / PIL's to having your own family Christmas and starting your own traditions? Did anyone find it awkward explaining to a slightly controlling DM/MIL that you'd rather not attend and if so how did you handle it? Matters are harder because no-one else in DH's family has done their own thing at Christmas before.

2hrs when dc are a bit older, I would go with morning and lunch at home then over to PIL after lunch, you will get the quiet family Christmas in the morning then turn up mid afternoon once the initial flurry of excitement has dissipated and the children are ready for something new.

This year rule of six is your friend. PIL could pop down the weekend before.

Baby doesn't really know what's going on yet, so I'd get it out of the way and do Christmas with relatives this year and then stay at home from when they are two/three.

I'm an "our own little family" I'm afraid. I can't imagine it any other way. I only remember one Christmas away from home as a kid and to be honest I didn't like it. I want the magic for my DC of their stuffed stockings at home, pajama day, having all of our attention and love and all that.

My eldest DC has just turned 5 so will really get Christmas this year. I must say I'm so excited to set our own traditions and have our own customs. I have pledged to spend more of the day enjoying myself this year as even just for us and having maybe 1 or 2 friends over, I spend all day cooking. The Xmas I spent at my mum's when DD was a baby was difficult tbh.

Me and dp were cooking all day and hardly got to see tiny dd. Overactive nieces and nephews were everywhere and there was never a moment's peace. Honestly it is not ideal to me. There are so many opportunities over the festive period to socialise. Christmas is a bit more special to me especially when you have little DC.

Tell her straight.
Xmas Day its just you, dh and dc and this will be your new family tradition.
Ask if you can visit xmas eve at some point in the day or boxing day
As a child, it was always just my family xmas day -DF,DM 3x siblings and me

Boxing day we had extended family over for big buffet. Now, we all go over boxing day.
Xmas day is me Dh and our 4dc.
We've merged out our traditions...
stockings on bed, bring them in and open up..., downstairs to open the rest of santas gifts, bacon Sw for breakfast, day of playing with new toys and eating!
we do phone all the DP and in laws though.

When we first had kids we did a 3 year cycle - one with our small family, one with mine and then one with his family - as the years have gone one it's become more at ours - but at the start it's an easy way to 'break the news' to the families - I will say that we always ended up doing an early or late Christmas dinner with each of the families every year so they all got to see the kids every year

We have always alternated between my parents and ILs, except one year when we hosted at our house. We said to DC (12 & 10) that we might have Christmas in our house this year, because of Covid and DD2 said "At last, Christmas in our own house!". So, regardless, I think we will have it here this year but there will be huge huffs from the ILs if we don't go to them every other year (which involves a long drive and staying over).

How far are you? If it's not too far suggest visiting for lunch (saves cooking) or tea if you prefer low key. Rule of 6 might thwart any plans anyway so I would suggest simply saying you'll make decisions nearer the time

We used to always go to my mum's for Christmas but one year, after my step-dad died, she decided it was too much hassle cooking for 20+ people. Siblings invited us to theirs but we just said no, thanks, we want to do it ourselves. We still go visiting and have visitors but just not on Christmas day.

We always spent Christmas with my parents. DH's were both dead by the time DS1 arrived.

When it got too much for DM we had Christmas at our house. I wouldn't have wanted a Christmas without them and the boys certainly wouldn't.

The thing about traditions is they sprung up spontaneously or have existed forever. You can't plan them. You are setting yourself up to fail by over planning.

The year we had a baby just before Christmas Day was the first year we spent at home, and we loved it so much we’ve done it every year since. I’d said when DS2 was born I didn’t want to go to ILs, after a difficult pregnancy I wasn’t going to spend the day trying to establish bf upstairs in a bedroom by myself(they’re not the most tolerant of bf). That year we got the M&S Christmas food and spent the day in pjs. DS2 is now 6, has autism so busy, noisy christmasses are completely out for him anyway.
Not that I necessarily advocate having a well timed baby to avoid having to travel to relatives for Christmas! We just told them of our decision and got on with it.

We always went to my parents which involved a 2hr drive on Christmas morning.

We did this until last Christmas so up until our eldest was 2.5. That last Christmas was when I decided that it was going to stop.

Christmas morning had been a mad rush and I’d not enjoyed it. I agonised over when to tell my parents.
They were totally fine about it and understood that we didn’t want to be rushing off anymore.

I suggested we do a mini Christmas in December and actually last year it was so much nicer to do that, no rushing, no pressure and we all enjoyed it. My children opened a couple of presents and loved it.

I recommend saying now that you’ll b staying at home for Christmas but that you would love to have a mini celebration on X date and then really big that up and talk about how nice it’ll be and in fact actually nicer than the mania of Christmas Day etc etc

I think sometimes you honestly just have to do what you and your partner want to do. I'm not one to talk, as we still go to our respective families on Christmas Day because neither of us has the balls to say we want to do it on our own haha .. but honestly, you should practice what I preach!!

Make time to see everyone, absolutely, but if you want a Christmas Day with just the three of you, go for it, and make your own traditions :).

I just said it was a faff taking baby/children out but anyone was welcome to come to us. I’m happy to cook but no-one can stay over as the house is too teeny. We’re a small family so it has pretty much worked for the last 16 year. We do head out on Boxing Day/New Years day but I love not having to go anywhere on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day.