My mind always has to have something to worry about...

[pinkbows]

I go through phases where I worry about particular aspects of my life. It is constant worrying and rumination. Most recently it has been my health, so I thought that I just have health anxiety. However when I look back on the last few years I realise that it is not just my health, I worry about everything.

When I was at university I worried about university constantly. I worried that I would get incorrectly accused of coursework plagiarism or cheating in exams, I worried when I was in the lab that I would do something wrong like break an expensive equipment or contaminate everyone's samples, etc. Even now that I have graduated I worry I am going to get a phone call accusing me of plagiarism or data falsification or something and they are going to strip me of my degree? It is completely irrational as I would never do those things.

When I learnt to drive and in the first few years of driving I would ruminate over my driving. Did I accidentally speed without noticing? Did I go through a red light without realising? Did I go in a bus lane without realising? Was the flash I saw in my mirror not someone's headlights but instead a speed camera going off?

My life is getting smaller and smaller. I have slowly stopped driving even though I know I am a safe, observant driver. I have a insured and taxed car parked outside that I haven't driven in months now. I finished university recently. With lockdown and moving back home I am not socialising as much. My life has got so restricted and "small" and yet my anxiety is just as bad as ever and it's like the only source of anxiety my mind can conjure up is worrying about my health even though I am healthy and in my 20s. It is kind of ridiculous but even if I have a simple cosy day at home, I will find something to worry about.

Does anyone else experience this or have any advice? I have tried CBT techniques which help with particular worries and 'in the moment' but as soon as I calm down about one worry my mind just moves onto the next. It is like I always have to have something to worry about.

A low dose of citlaprom helped me when I have been really struggling. I have also had counselling sessions on the NHS - only had 3 but they were helpful. The one thing I found helpful was when the counsellor said something along the lines of - in the past when something bad happened - did you cope? And the answer of course was yes - there has never been a time when I didn't eventually come out of the situation. In fact I manage difficult things really well. That I think is part of the problem - I am the 'go to' person in the family when things need organising. It sounds corny, but if I keep reminding myself "this too shall pass" then that does really help.

When I do my 'scanning' for causes for my anxiety I play out situations in my head - always thinking of the possible worse case scenario. Of course in real life these terrible things never happen! I try to make myself remember this.

I would advise the OP to see a GP. Honestly, what you are feeling is far more common than you would imagine and there is help out there. The books a previous poster suggested - I have read a couple of these and they did help too. I think it's because I am a rational person - if I can have some understanding of WHY it happens then it helps with coping strategies.

A few thoughts.
I am now in my mid-forties but was like this, it was at it's worse in my early twenties, I don't think that is unusual.
The only thing that has worked for me long-term was yoga and meditation, but it took me a long time to get into the meditation as it is hard to learn when you're highly anxious. Also, I did a proper group course initially and now I maintain it on my own, but also through a group of people that I met on the course.
When I meditate it is like I can put down the heavy bag of worries that I am carrying around, and get a complete release even if just for 10/20 minutes but the sense of freedom/release/peace also gradually starts to permeate your life, and attitudes, until you realise you're becoming less anxious. It also teaches you to notice if you get caught into an anxious cycle of thinking, you can identify it and notice it, then you have some 'distance' from it and you realise thoughts are just thoughts passing through, like clouds in the sky, they have no meaning.
The trouble is we are used to tackling issues intellectually, but you need to access a different awareness which you can only do with patience and repetition.
Insight Timer is a great free meditation App. Body scans are a good starting point. There are also good courses on there if you do pay a subscription.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (mentioned above) may help alongside or before the meditation.
Of course you may have an underlying trauma which is exacerbating this sense of 'unsafeness', in which case it's worth working with a therapist as well.
I now have a stressful job and it lets me use my worrying bit of my brain for a purpose, freeing up the rest of my time as seeming 'non stressful' so I wouldn't shy away from progressing in your career and challenging yourself. Worrying minds can be clever minds, and can be great at jobs where you have to think ahead strategically, assess risk etc (I'm a lawyer now!).
Avoid alcohol.
Also remember - Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway!
Good luck OP. This pandemic is very hard on those of us who worry a lot anyway!

Not read all the posts but OP I had this very badly in my twenties and still do to some extent although generally much much more under control.

I remember feeling frozen in my twenties. Like my world was very small. It’s awful. I didn’t take medication although I was offered it and it was recommended many times. Just my personal preference as I knew I would then worry about that!

There’s no magic answer but over time for me I found trying to think of myself just in the same way as I would a friend, really helped. By this I mean I was kinder to myself and remembered I deserved to feel happy. If I was out for a coffee and my mind became consumed I would try and be kinder to myself and think why can’t i enjoy this in the same way as my friends would? It sounds trite but if you repeatedly tell yourself this it helps over time to rationalise worries a little. You have to practice this. It’s hard. You have to practice letting things go out of your mind just for a few minutes. Tell yourself you worry a lot and most things never deserved the worry, so instead you will come back to current worry in half an hour or later that day. Setting time aside to deal with the worries is also a good tactic. It means you can say to yourself right I will think about this tonight but for now I need to deal with X or y. None of this is easy and it won’t just fix things there and then, it takes many many weeks or months of slowing getting used to letting go in that moment. At first you may only manage a minutes or ten. The important thing to do is to be kind to yourself and not put pressure on yourself.

Second thing I would say is that to some extent you have to accept it’s a bit shit and you won’t wake up tomorrow worry free. I own my worries these days. I accept worries are a part of life and that I am ‘a worrier.’ In doing that, I actually am calmer about it all. It’s me but it’s not all of me anymore, and I can control it. You have to be kind to yourself.

I cannot emphasise the being kind part enough. I know how you must be feeling, trapped, scared, mind whirring. You have to tell yourself that you deserve a cup of tea (if that’s your thing!), or a coffee with a friend. You have to wire your brain to understand that doing those things is healthy and necessary and to not do them is actually cause for worry in itself. You have to re frame the concern so that your brain realises that it’s also just as much a worry to be in a low level state of panic all the time. It has to recognise that that in itself isn’t healthy and wire itself to give you ‘time off’ from constant worrying.

I benefitted from counselling just to talk through my worries. Like you they’d differ all the time. I still have counselling but talk less about worries these days and more just about how I’m feeling.

This has been a bit rambling but I hope some of it gives you hope that things can improve. The bottom line for me was accepting that I would worry and not fighting it, instead building up the other side to my life and constantly doing small things to build my confidence that I mattered and I too deserved to feel free like my friends appeared to. Very slowly after much practice and small steps, I learnt to feel ok and safe without ruminating all of the time. It’s not easy but it can get better

What @Arcadia said.

This worrying has now become habitual. The habit needs to be broken. Mindful meditations with a good teacher will help tremendously.