To cry during labour examination ?

[MrsNotNice]

Hi all,

So I was in Labour with my son two years ago. It started off naturally and I put a lot of effort to speed it up by bouncing on a ball for few hours due to waters breaking.

The midwife was constantly examining me and struggling and fiddling a bit too and had to call someone else for verification. It took her a good 5 mins or so each time and often wasn’t sure. She was a trainee midwife.

What strikes me is that she told me that she thinks I need to be induced and I said no.. and then she decided to examine me again to confirm dilation and I remember feeling soo vulnerable and violated because I felt like she wasn’t really listening to the fact I wasn’t comfortable with the way she was handling me.. she was very rough and it really felt forced. But I was a FTM and comfused at what time expect.

So I burst into hysteric crying and tears. I couldn’t stop. Floods and gasping for air and hysteric crying like a baby. I hardly ever cry that way. Not sure if the fact I had delivery hormones played a part.

So my dilemma is.. does this indicate that I have deeper issues to deal with ? I have never cried that hard in my life.

I had been subjection to sexual abuse When I was a 4 year old but I had thought that I’ve Moved on.

I’d like to know if it sounds like I need to sort out some deeper issues. Or if it was a natural reaction to the way the midwife was not really making sure I felt heard.

But the distressful crying and vulnerability I felt and inability to speak up for myself at all made me feel maybe it’s deeper than that

Thanks

I was treated roughly in labour examinations, especially when one particular midwife tried to break my waters before I was ready during an induction. I shed a tear.

The level of crying you did, along with the explanation of your past shows you have unresolved trauma.

I'm so sorry that happened to you when you were four. Have you had any counselling?

You are still relatively recently after the birth. You could contact the maternity dept where you delivered and ask if they have a supervisor of midwives/, women's experience midwife who you could talk through your birth experience with. You shouldn't have been made to feel powerless, out of control, not listened to. They were in the wrong. It might help to have this looked at/discussed as you may see that your response was not unreasonable, given what was happening. They may be able to refer you if there are deeper issues to address too.

The two examinations I had during labour were probably the worst bits, apart from possibly crowning, and I don't have any abuse or trauma in my background. I'm sorry that you were potentially re-traumatised by your experience. It doesn't sound like it was appropriately handled, even without your personal history. You might find that a labour debrief helps you process things and also provides the opportunity to feed back so the midwife can improve her practice.

I hysterically cried at my very first examination. She shoved her hand in so roughly and I actually do have some issues with tightness. She looked completely perplexed at my reaction. It was awful.

To the surprise of everyone in the room, I went from calm to hysterical during an internal that Bought me back to an extremely traumatic IVF procedure I’d had a few years prior.

Came out of nowhere.

DH somehow realised, told the consultant who immediately withdrew.

Im sorry this happened to you OP. I’m telling you my experience as clearly it isn’t unusual although yours was due to actual abuse by the sounds of it.

So I’m one of the lucky few who managed to passive aggressively confront my offended and shame him to his family (he was known to me) when I became Older which is why I assumed I didn’t need counselling as I thought I got my closure.

Seeing as some of you here had the hysterical out of no where tears then maybe it’s not indicative necessarily.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’ve been wanting a debreif but really tired to arrange one and now with COVID etc

Offender

I don't know OP, I don't think it means you have unresolved issues necessarily. I luckily haven't been victim of sexual abuse and I would have cried like that too, if that happened to me during birth. It sounds horrible and it's such a stressful time already.

Only you know of course, but I wouldn't say that this was nothing and you were crying just because of your previous trauma.

Birth trauma is a well documented thing.

The fact that so many women are treated so badly in labour is appalling.

I had a bad time as well but not the same.

My friend has PTSD from her birth.

Where is the consent? The care?

Why are women suddenly treated so badly in this situation, all too often?

Questions for another time. You're far from being the only woman traumatised by what happened in labour though and giving birth.

It's been two years. You need to address this. There are some charities that used to have helplines but I they don't seem to have them now. try googling birth PTSD UK.

You are not alone.

Maybe others will have some more practical help.

I burst into tears after an internal examination and it wasn’t painful or “rough” as such, it just triggered something emotional in me. It makes you feel very vulnerable. There is no harm at all in talking it through or seeing if you can get hold of your notes.