Would this put you off a new school?

[52andblue]

Ds, 16, has been having a bad time.
He has ASD, Dyslexia, Anxiety (all diagnosed but no EHCp).
He also has such bad anxiety attacks that they look like seizures (sometimes falling to floor, often severe physical spasms). This has been investigated and it is not epilepsy but very severe stress. Consultant says it should improve 'in the right setting'. Cahms and even current school agree that the current setting (no friends, bad bullying) is not optimal though no one has put this in writing.

Due to location (very rural) and financial issues I only have 1 other choice of school across in a neighbouring LA. We were in the same LA a few years back and they were not supportive to say the least. I emailed the potential new school there and attached a copy of the Consultants letter which says that DS must be given a pass to leave any situation where he starts to feel the spasms coming on and go to a quiet safe space for 5/10mins and then be able to rejoin his class / setting. I explained that I could see it wasn't ideal esp in current times, hoped it would be temporary whilst he found his feet but did feel it would be important to follow the Consultant's advice to give Ds the best chance of a successful transition so could they confirm ok please?

I got a 2 line reply:
'If you decide to move we will support the transition. We can then properly discuss his needs together and decide the best way forward'.

AIBU that that isn't a very helpful reply and it is off putting?
I don't want to ask about the wisdom of the move itself, so much as whether it sounds 'off' to anyone outside the situation or whether my reaction is coloured by my past experience (as it is hard to read tone)

Schools are on their arses at the moment. All spare time is taken up with Covid sending homes, contacting h and cover issues. I would take it as read - they will support- move and engage. There is little they can say before it happens that means as much as actions after the move.

Yes, I DO understand they are on their arses, I really do and I did say I realised it's difficult times etc. But surely they should still support a disabled child? (all he needs is access to a safe space, not even an adult present necessarily - the Consultant letter makes clear it is not epilepsy)

They haven’t said they won’t though. Try for a face to face meeting with the year head or senco - that will tell you more.

I've asked for that but they've said No.

Have you tried a conversation over the phone? I can see how they might not be doing face-to-face meeting but saying that you can talk when your son has moved is really dismissive.

Had one short phone convo a few weeks back. seemed helpful at the tiime but when I emailed to say thanks and referred to rough contents in email (I learned from before) then he replied and backtracked from specific support to 'what we can offer in these times' - fair enough but makes me nervous), The recent email was specific - I had the Consultants letter on Friday and again it seemed a brush off. Polite, but very non specific and non committal. We were in this area until 4 years ago so they know us (although obvs kids change over 4 years!)

I doubt you'll get a face to face meeting, our school has banned all external visitors. They should however give you a phone call if you want to discuss it further

I don't think they're trying to fob you off or be unhelpful I just think there's a lot of stress that everyone in schools are under right now. I also think the school thinks it needs discussing further to get the full picture and have a meeting with you to discuss best strategies. It's really not something that would be organised via an email it needs a phone call at minimum

It would be unusual to commit to anything before they’ve met your son. I’m not sure how it works but if he has no EHCP is there any funding for much support?

It sounds like where you are isn’t working so you have nothing to lose. Make the change and take them up on the support they have offered. I wouldn’t take their brusque reply as evidence if anything other than a desire to clear an inbox and give a reply. Many schools wouldn’t have got back to you... staff change, schools change, I would I give Them a chance.

I think it's pretty poor of them actually.

It seems that they are expecting you to take the decision to move your ds first, and then they will discuss with you what support they can/are prepared to give; and only then will you find out whether it was a good move or a disaster.

How can you take a major decision like that without being able to engage with them in advance?

They cant really commit to anything until confirmation of the move is made. Honestly, they are probably swamped. They are trying to figure out the kids they already have in. They probably have no solid idea if they can logistically accommodate your DS. I say try your best to get a phone call and get a clearer idea about what they can actually do, but at this point in time schools are struggling to find space for scheduled lessons, kids cannot leave the class without supervision due to bubbles and SD, so they may have their hands tied compared to previous years where kids were allowed go to a safe space etc.

is there anyone else, apart from @barskits and me that think it's not reassuring?
I am worried that the background has made me overly twitchy?

I’d say they can’t commit until they know he’s moving. They’d need to know his subjects/ sets etc to know where his classrooms are and what’s feasible given current restrictions. I read the email as them committing to do what they can, but not being able to confirm exactly what that looks like yet.

I wouldn’t find it particularly reassuring either OP, I would expect them to understand that you need reassurances from that that your child’s needs will be met before you can commit to a move to their school.

I would take their email to read that they will offer some level of support to your son but not necessarily exactly what your consultant has requested.

They do know his subjects and what sets they would put him in.

I get that it is tricky atm but a child with a clear medical need to access a 'safe space' should be able to be accomodated, surely?

I am worried as they did not pay attention to a consultants letter in the past (primary, this is the secondary but same LA and same profs involved) and I worry that attitude is continuing?

Op this has just popped up but there is Joe Eason to think the primary response predicts the high school response. It’s all down to the school - they have said they will be supportive, they will also have to tick Covid and safeguarding boxes so everything is more complex at the moment.

Joe Eason is a good way to think of 'no reason' - thank you, you have made me smile @QualityFeet

I think it sounds pretty positive.
What they don't want is to spend several hours working with you only to find you've done this at half a dozen schools and they're number 5 on your list and you never seriously thought they would go there.

😂
Yeah go with Joe season all the way. Honestly it depends entirely on the staff - I have seen schools show they will be arses. Cancelled meetings, no reply to emails, verbal messages saying they can’t ensure safety ... your message was brusque but positive. If they were positive when they spoke that’s a great start. No bugger will want to be overly specific in case they over promise for the current challenges but The ethos sounds ok.

Honestly could I make more typos!

Its not reassuring.

I would, at minimum need a meeting with them to discuss how they would meet his needs.

My son has moved to specialist education this year. I visited two separate schools for tours and met the staff albeit without the children there and socially distanced. I had a zoom meeting with staff from another. It can be done.

Our background has made me extremely twitchy, we had to take out LA all the way to tribunal for them to even consider a Special School. I wanted to be damn sure I had the right one!

Remember that your DS is your one concern, not their restrictions, how busy or pressured they are. The school I did not choose had us to visit, read all our reports (lots of them) and made a fully costed offer to the local authority. I didn't like it. Zero guilt.

Good luck.

@Streamingbannersofdawn

I do find it odd that they don't refer to the Consultant letter in their reply. Not even a 'thank you for the helpful information' reference.

My background with this lot has also made me extremely twitchy, so I don't know if it's a knee jerk reaction, or my spidey senses set off for good reason. Ach!