Pls tell me about Tiktok

[ihateyoutube]

My DS age 9 is obsessed and I don’t get it. And I’m not sure what the limits should be. During lockdown, I discovered he’d signed up and had made a couple of videos of himself dancing... I was cross, and told him we’d have to delete his profile. Stupidly, I didn’t do this with him but we talked about the importance of internet safety and not knowing who followers were etc.
He told me he wouldn’t be looking at it anymore. Today however, I checked his tablet and he’s been back on it, and has uploaded a new video of himself prancing about. He’s got followers on there - some of them are clearly just kids his age, others it’s hard to tell who they are.
It’s possibly all innocent, and to him, it obviously is. But I don’t know enough about how it works
Is it safe, as long as the privacy settings are correct? I don’t want to outright ban it if he can use it safely and harmlessly.
Any experiences or tips for this age group?
Thanks

My main issue with TikTok is that you can't see the content they've already viewed on the feed. Some videos/topics on there are completely inappropriate for a 9yr old. I also think it's extremely addictive as the algorithm learns v quickly which videos your child likes and shows them more and more of the same, so it's hard to put it down.

This website goes through all the privacy settings and gives some guidelines for its use by the under 13s.

www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/parents-ultimate-guide-to-tiktok

It's currently blocked to DS(12) due to the recent suicide video issues. I didn't feel it was very positive before then TBH.

Quite recently somebody live streamed their suicide on TikTok. Social Media is really not for 9 year olds.

Making videos isn’t so much of an issue, the content they can view is. It is heavily used by teenagers and young adults so lots of sexual content, drink/drugs, self harm and suicide talk. I would consider it a bad influence on any child and a real minefield for teenagers tbh.

Yes DS had come across some of the self harm/ suicide talk just before I blocked it, I did feel it was affecting his outlook to some extent.

Wtf is a 9 year old doing on TikTok (what other social media is he on?) and why on earth was your first thought when you knew he joined not to sign up yourself and learn about it? Someone live-streamed their suicide the other week - that’s what your child could see. There really is no excuse for parents not to be educating ourselves about the dangers of social media and if there’s something you don’t understand then ffs don’t let your kids have access to it until you do.

Irregardless of whether TikTok is suitable for a 9 year old (it isn't btw), he blatantly ignored your wishes and went back on it.

That and the fact he made the account himself without any kind of conversation with you, should be enough to ban him from the internet unsupervised - not consider giving him his own way!

Do you really think your 9 year old isn't going to get access through his friends if you ban it? Much better to allow him to have an account while monitoring closely AND use it to start conversations about privacy and safety on the internet while he's still young enough to be listening to you. When they are teenagers it's too late to start these conversations. You can steer him to age-appropriate tiktoks and eventually tiktok will "learn" what type of stuff to send him. I also think they have parental controls so you can limit the inappropriate stuff. You should probably download the app and get familiar with it (and try not to get addicted yourself).
My dd had an instagram starting around age 9. I was logged into her instagram on my phone (I am not sure you can do this with Tiktok) so I could see everything she was doing. I also talked her through having a public and private instagram and what type of photos would go on her public instagram (pictures of things that had no self-identifying information) and what would go on her private instagram (pictures of herself, her house etc.). That meant that got in the habit at a young age of thinking twice about every post. So when she was a teenager and her friends were posting inappropriate photos on their public social media, she wasn't.

9 is simply too young. Delete it.

The algorithm really does influence what you see on tik tok. I see nothing but funny videos, videos about dogs and cats, cooking ones, musical one, a lot of BLM and LGBTQ videos, (I definitely don’t live in straight tik tok despite being straight). I never came across the suicide one, and most of my feed is wholesome and lovely probably because that’s what I like and comment on. So it’s not all bad. Perhaps if you help it learn then it will direct the decent videos with your son? Even share the account? I love tik tok, it’s genuinely full of videos that are lovely clever and funny, it’s not a complete nightmare. But my algorithm certainly knows to keep me away from rubbish I have no interest in watching

Woah, 9!? Come on OP

TikTok is no way suitable for a 9yr old. I have 2 teenagers that have it and I still keep a really close eye on it. If you don't understand it, you can't effectively manage it. Your 9yr old ignored your request to stay off it, created a new profile and posted videos onto the internet. That doesn't sound like he understands he is putting himself in danger

I recently downloaded TikTok because my kids were asking if they could use it just to watch videos, not upload anything. I set the appropriate restrictions and must have watched it for about 15/20 minutes during which time I came across excessive swearing, children torturing pet rabbits and a load of crap encouraging kids to ride skateboards etc on railings, as well as dares to do various things. And yes, did you hear about the suicide on there? Even with the best restrictions, I saw a lot of things I am unhappy with. The app is now deleted and my kids are aware why.

It really isn't suitable for a 9 year old. The user has no idea what they will be shown next, and whilst there is an algorithm that remembers the sort of videos you like, it will throw the odd popular/viral one in (I had one randomly with graphic photos of domestic abuse) and may show him more of the same. Most of my likes are cat videos and cooking so no idea why it thought I wanted to see that

There's no filter or algorithm for "content unsuitable for under x age" so lots of swearing, dangerous pranks and dangerous stunts that go viral and can be tempting for a child to copy.

You can't see everything he's previously watched but you can see what he's "liked" by going on his profile and clicking the tab with the love heart.

No, it’s not safe.

It’s not even about him putting videos of himself out there—which he absolutely shouldn’t be doing—but of the videos he will have access to.

It’s not an innocent dancing app. There are videos on there of abuse, suicide, violence, dangerous challenges and there’s no way for you to stop him seeing it; he can easily come across it accidentally.

He should not be on the app at all; it is dangerous and you have no control over what he sees. You should never let your child on an app that you don’t have any knowledge of.

I'm on there. I don't know how the algorithm works but there's a lot of adult content. I don't mean sexual but stuff that is just about life experience as am adult, relationships, racism, homophobia all sorts. That's who I love it. But I've got to be honest I'm always surprised kids are on there.

It can be positive in terms of seeing a diverse range of people and finding people with things in common. But I'd worry that adults can connect with him and he can see content not appropriate for his age. Having said that I can't remember if they ask age when you sign up and the algorithm filters content accordingly?

I'm also not sure if you can see what has been seen? Which is an issue for parents. 5hete was some big fuss moral panic about a suicide video a few weeks ago. I didn't see it and I've never seen anything illegal or sexually explicit.

@emilyfrost

No, it’s not safe.

It’s not even about him putting videos of himself out there—which he absolutely shouldn’t be doing—but of the videos he will have access to.

It’s not an innocent dancing app. There are videos on there of abuse, suicide, violence, dangerous challenges and there’s no way for you to stop him seeing it; he can easily come across it accidentally.

He should not be on the app at all; it is dangerous and you have no control over what he sees. You should never let your child on an app that you don’t have any knowledge of.

Have you used the as pp and seen these videos? Or was this something you read? I've been on there over a year and I've never seen abuse, violence etc. Feels very hyster to say it's dangerous. Sounds like you're regurgitating a tabloid rag.

Have you used the as pp and seen these videos? Or was this something you read? I've been on there over a year and I've never seen abuse, violence etc. Feels very hyster to say it's dangerous. Sounds like you're regurgitating a tabloid rag.

Plussizejumpsuit Yes, I’ve used TikTok for well over a year. Mostly it’s fine and I love it, but I have seen all of that on there over time.

I use it daily too. Not appropriate for young kids at all. I follow foodie things and travel vlogs and would say 50% of my feed is inappropriate for young children and on very patch ground with teenagers

I agree with PPs re the algorithm. If you engage with it and like certain things, that's what you get on your For You page. I only get funny videos, lots of cookery hacks and One Direction I checked my dd's account when I heard about the suicide (which I believe was initially streamed on FB but eventually found its way to other platforms. I've heard it's also on YouTube now) and she only gets dancing because that's all she's liked. Neither she nor I have ever come across anything inappropriate. She is 13 and I trust her to tell me if she's seen anything upsetting.

There is a restricted mode which restricts content further. Having said that, I would agree that any social media is not appropriate for a 9 year old, and he needs to understand that I would say that a condition of having a tablet is that he asks you before downloading anything.

AltheaThoon Oh yeah, there are algorithms. But they’re not foolproof, and they don’t stop the violence/abuse/inappropriate videos sneaking through.

Your daughter won’t only be seeing dancing videos, and you may trust her to tell you if she sees something inappropriate but by then it’s far too late.