Do you think this is excessive alcohol consumption?

[bigbeuato]

Just after some opinions on this.
Do you think drinking 4 nights a week, at least a bottle of wine each time is excessive? If more than a bottle of wine it could be a few spirits or beers as well?

As a one off week here and there (holiday, Christmas) no, every week yes.

You say 'at least' 4 bottles of wine. So the minimum she is drinking is 40 units a week. But likely more plus beer and spirits, so maybe closer to 50 or even 60 units.

Doing this week in week out is harmful to health. Not only is her liver taking a hammering but other organs, stomach, bowels, heart, not to mention brain are adversely affected.

I'm afraid your mum is in denial if she genuinely doesn't think it's a problem.

I don't know if this would help anyone but what I've often found is I actually don't really want alcohol when I come to think of it properly but a nice, different drink of an evening other than the tap water I drink all day.

On colder evenings a cup of tea with a bit of sugar might just give that comfortable feeling in my stomach I was looking for. On warmer evenings some lime and fizzy water.

All I have now is maybe a couple of 330ml cans of lager and a gin and tonic, or half a bottle of wine over the weekend. Really enjoy them, but I'm enjoying the flavour of the drink and the nice relaxing fuzzy round the edges feeling, but have no desire to get drunk and the aim is to definitely not be drunk. Also more than a couple of drinks affects my sleep. I'd rather have a good night's sleep.

Not sure if it helps or not but I have had to give alcohol the boot full stop because just one drink gives me horrible heartburn... I soooo miss a nice G&T or two but have been forced to find a nice alternative to distract me from stabbing G&T swigging DH . For me, sparkling water with some posh squash (all sorts available) or lemon and lime. Nope, not nearly as mind dumbingly good as a couple of G&Ts but looking on the bright side, no heartburn and no guilt.

Yes. X

I also worry about my DMs drinking. She lives alone and can easily put away a bottle a night. I raised concerns with her when it transpired at Christmas she couldn't remember the last day she didn't have a drink. After that she made it her NY resolution to have at least 2 consecutive drink free days a week but with Covid and lockdown etc I'm pretty sure that's gone out of the window.

So to answer your question, yes it is excessive but unless the person wants to stop drinking there is not much you can do.

I don't know how old your mum is but it's quite common for people of my generation to drink like this. I have quite vs few friends who will have a glass of two of wine once the children are in bed.

That amount isn't normal and it's not healthy. My mum was the same she didn't think it was a problem either, I tried my best to get her to stop but it won't work unless they want to stop unfortunately. I've been where you are and it's so hard. 💐

@goose1964

I don't know how old your mum is but it's quite common for people of my generation to drink like this. I have quite vs few friends who will have a glass of two of wine once the children are in bed.

Four bottles of wine a week , plus beer and spirits is not 'a glass or two of wine once the children are in bed'!

Someone drinking a glass or two of wine per evening is nowhere near the quantity that the OP's mum is drinking. The Op states that 'at a minimum' her mother is drinking at least a bottle of wine on four nights per week, plus beer, plus spirits

Drinking at that level is endangering health and clearly has an addictive element to it also. The fact that her mother minimises it, and you also minimise it in your post, shows how blasé we have become about this level of alcohol consumption which once would have been unheard of in the average home on a daily/weekly basis.

Thank you all for your responses. You have all confirmed what I believed to be the case. I know that many people drink a glass or two of wine after work occasionally, or a few times a week. I used to- although not at all in recent years (I have a disabled dc to look after who doesn't sleep at all so I need to be alert at all times).
I don't know whether she has a 'problem' with a drink, or just enjoys drinking? If that makes sense. I don't know what other way to support her. I think she feels that I'm attacking her if I mention it now- as she already knows my views. She won't hide it from me, because she doesn't care if I know or what I think as such. We are close but she is still very much 'I'm your mother, I know best, don't tell me.' I just don't know what to do.

It must be really worrying. I'd feel so ill all the time if I drank that much. And I wouldn't even know what it was like to not feel like that.

Technically, a hair strand test would class that level of drinking as "chronic excessive alcohol use", if that offers you some scale - as others say her tolerance could have grown so she may not appear drunk, but it's still harming her body.

It could be just a bad habit she’s gotten herself into to switch off and relax. Obviously it’s not ideal but I wouldn’t think she couldn’t care for children (aside from driving) or was dependent.

Not trying to minimise that it is excessive, I just think she’d have to find her own reason to stop.

@onetwothreeadventure

It could be just a bad habit she’s gotten herself into to switch off and relax. Obviously it’s not ideal but I wouldn’t think she couldn’t care for children (aside from driving) or was dependent.

Not trying to minimise that it is excessive, I just think she’d have to find her own reason to stop.

But you are minimising!

Minimum four bottles of wine a week plus beer and spirits is a helluva lot more than a 'bad habit'.

She's knocking back minimum 40 units of alcohol a week and likely upwards of 50 to 60 units (when the safe guidelines are 14 units) and you think this is just a bad habit and she's fine to look after kids?

Yeah, right!

Would I be happy with a relative of mine (who puts away that amount of alcohol on a weekly basis) looking after my kids?

Would I fuck!

Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do unless she’s putting the younger siblings at risk.
And yes. She has a problem. I really enjoy wine but I wouldn’t drink a bottle a day.

Does she drive?

I don't know whether she has a 'problem' with a drink, or just enjoys drinking?

Slippery slope.

Many people enjoy drinking alcohol. I do too. But just pour myself a small glass and put the rest back in the fridge for another day.