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So fed up and feel bad for the kids.

24 replies

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 11:48

I feel like we are still in lockdown.
DH has really struggled with the virus. He is getting help but in the meantime I feel so resentful that we have no sort of life because even going to a shop or or a walk outside the village causes him to be on edge.
The kids are so bored. They go to school and come home. The best they can ask for at the weekend is a walk to the park and some bored games with me. They are spending hours on screens.
I would love to take them out but DH would have a meltdown. They want to go to a trampoline park and to be honest, I would be happy with this as there are a couple of small local ones but I think DH mental health just wouldn't cope.
Is anyone else struggling still? Should I just tell DH we are going and hope he is okay?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 27/09/2020 11:53

Was he like this before Covid? is he getting help for his MH.

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 12:08

He was a little yes but not as bad. He sought help a month back but chose not to take the meds he was prescribed and instead wait for the therapy which he starts next week.

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riotlady · 27/09/2020 12:08

We’re in a similar situation practically but for different reasons- I have post viral fatigue and don’t have the energy to go out and do things. I don’t really have much advice but I understand how awful it feels! Is your DH getting support for his mental health issues?

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 12:11

He is getting therapy next week.

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Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 12:46

I am thinking of booking somewhere to take them and then just giving DH a choice of coming or not. So far since getting home at 4.30 on Friday, they have been out for a walk. Thats it!

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Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 12:49

What he reason for no taking the medication that he clearly needs

Yes you do need to focus on your children

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 12:52

He is worried about the side effects of them. HE read on the leaflet that one side effect is cancer.

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Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 13:09

Ok so not taking them is simply another facet of his clearly overwhelming health anxiety

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 13:11

Yes. I keep trying to balance things but the kids are suffering to save his mental health.

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Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 13:13

then I think the balance isnt quite right if they are suffering

It must be so tough OP but I think you may not be realising how serious it is if he isnt taking his medication because of the (very very) small cancer risk

I assume he wont have the vaccine either so there is no quick way out of this for you either.

He needs help I think and I am not sure the therapy will be enough

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 13:18

Yes he will happily have the vaccine. He starts therapy next week.
He would have us stay home until then if he could.

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BanditsBum · 27/09/2020 13:25

I suffered similarly to your husband a few years ago only Covid wasnt around then it was norovirus I had an overwhelming fear of.

I would say don't try to force or encourage him to go places if he isn't comfortable as it will honestly make it worse (massive panic attack in Tesco on Christmas Eve for me!) but equally you and your children don't need to go along with it, my husband was always very firm (but kind) that he was still going to do X,Y and Z but promised to take care and wash his hands etc. I even wanted DS not to go to nursery but again he was firm on it.

I had therapy and have been better for years (no meds), give it some time.

Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 13:28

But he cant keep you in. Be firm but kind like the PP said. Get them to wash hands etc but you cant keep them in

That is interesting though that the potential side effects of the vaccine (which will be similar to any medication) doesnt bother him

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 13:47

I have booked somewhere this afternoon but I can feel the tension now. His anxiety is already building.

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BanditsBum · 27/09/2020 13:54

Has he tried ways to manage his anxiety? When I was at my worst I found colouring in very relaxing and stupid games like Candy Crush, which came in useful in the middle of the night when the urge to go and bleach the couch was strongest.

I know it sounds a bit silly and simple but is there anything he would enjoy that he can do when you are out? Not to take his anxiety away but to help manage it?

If I were you I would stand firm. You aren't helping, really, by giving in to him.

He has my total sympathy, I imagine if I had been ill at a time where the world was totally agreeing with my fear and telling everyone how scared they should be then I honestly don't know how I would have managed.

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 14:11

He doesn't try to manage it no. He just drinks which makes it better in the moment but then worsens it the following day. He has acknowledged this is the case but cannot seem to break the cycle.

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Proudling · 27/09/2020 14:34

You cannot make your children suffer for your DH’s mental health. I’m sorry but as an adult he’ll to take the consequences of this but your children should not be made to suffer to keep him calm. He’s an adult and he should take the meds for the same of his children.

thaegumathteth · 27/09/2020 14:36

I have health anxiety and it's shit but I've taken the kids to lots of outdoor things - why can't he do that? Eg beach / cycling/ zoo etc?

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 14:52

@thaegumathteth because there are people there all the same.

We have done a few outdoor walks but that is all we have been doing since March and it isn't enough for them anymore. Even when we do those things his anxiety is high and he gets snappy. Yesterday we went for a walk to a nature area. DD fell over and he shouted at her to get back up because he was on edge.
I am taking them out without him today beacuse it is sadly more enjoyable.

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Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/09/2020 15:06

I think you have to be blunt with him
State that you will take reasonable precautions that we are all doing
And that you will from now until his mental health improves and he takes meds etc be deciding what you and the children need to do for your mental health

MotherOfCrocodiles · 27/09/2020 18:13

I could have written this myself. Mine will go for country walks and to the playground but if it's not our local playground he gets really tense and snappy. It's horrible. He tried to refuse to go in to one when we had taken the kids for a special treat. Refusing meds because he read some crap on the internet that they interact with covid, which he is convinced he has about once a fortnight and then wanders round doing this 'tragic but brave' act as if he is about to die of it even though he is not actually unwell at all. Really really fed up with it.

CakeGirl2020 · 27/09/2020 18:19

Just take them out, poor kids! IF DH doesn’t want to go that’s fine, he can stay home your be better off without the miserable sod bring you all down anyway.

You can not put the needs of an adult above them children imo. He won’t take the tablets, just drinks. No my dc wouldn’t be suffering for someone that isn’t even trying to sort himself out

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/09/2020 18:52

Thanks Everyone. I want to be sympathetic ut it only goes so far when we are living a life of mysery just to ease his anxiety.

Kids had a great time this afternoon and burnt off loads of energy which was much needed! I am not saying I want to do stuff like that every week, but it is the first time the kids have done anything other than go for a walk (or visit select family members) since March!

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lljkk · 27/09/2020 19:20

drinking alcohol is linkd to cancer risk more than his medication is.

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