Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I’m visiting my terminally ill nephew today.

31 replies

Snufflebabe05 · 26/09/2020 05:45

Just that really. My nephew, who is 1,has been going through chemo for the last 7 months and we found out two nights ago that it’s not working anymore. It’s spread too much too rapidly. He’s been given a matter of weeks. We are a close family and all heartbroken. I truly thought there would be light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. My sister in law, his mum, has said I can visit today. I can’t sleep for lots of different reasons. Not sure why I’m posting but it’s a weight on my mind and thought someone out there might have some guidance.

OP posts:
PeppaChic · 26/09/2020 05:49

I’m so sorry. That is desperately sad and cruel. Is he at home? My youngest was diagnosed at 20 months and it is a very tough journey for all involved, I hope you can access some support too in a while.

IHateCoronavirus · 26/09/2020 05:50

Oh op it is desperately sad situation and it is bound to cause a great many emotions. Sad
Is anything worrying you specifically about the visit?

HRHQueenMortificado · 26/09/2020 06:03

Such a terrible sad cruel situation I'm so sorry

Original poster
Snufflebabe05 · 26/09/2020 06:05

Nothing specifically. It’s just the senselessness and unfairness of it all. They are in hospital in a private room so they can all be together. With Covid 19, we’ve barely been able to see them. We have to tell our kids today too.

OP posts:
Happytobeme123 · 26/09/2020 06:12

I'm so sorry. Flowers

emmaluggs · 26/09/2020 06:17

No words of wisdom but what terrible news. Thinking of you all x

Travelledtheworld · 26/09/2020 06:19

So sorry. You might find it quite disturbing seeing a tiny child in hospital especially if he has tubes and wires attached.
The loss of a child it a terrible rite of passage and your family will never be the same again. In time you will all come to terms with it. Be kind and supportive to your family now and afterwards. Let them talk and cry and be open about their loss. Help them cherish the memories they have and try to focus on the good times. Honor the little boy by remembering him and using his name.
Some things in life make no sense. In time you come to accept it.

IHateCoronavirus · 26/09/2020 06:21

With regards to telling your own children, being as open and honest as possible in line with your family belief system is the best policy. Try to avoid ambiguity “sleep” “passing on” etc as they can associate the risk of death with sleep and it can create its own problems. When my baby DD died my counsellor said “tell them as much as you can, talk to them as openly as you can, because the gaps they fill in for themselves can be more frightening than anything in reality.”

As for seeing the baby, I guess a lot would depend on how much he can do say etc, if he is up and playing, play along with him , if he is sedated etc, listen to the parents if that is what they need.
I’m so sorry your family are going. Through this.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/09/2020 06:24

I am so very sorry. Flowers I can't offer any advice, having never experienced this, but you sound like a very caring aunt and sister. I will be thinking of you all.

Tyranttoddler · 26/09/2020 06:25

Couldn't read and not comment. Sending love to your family op. That is so terribly sad and cruel.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 26/09/2020 06:25

Oh, OP, such a devastating time for you.

I can't think of much to say that doesn't sound clumsy in these circumstances, but I wish ALL your family strength and solace with each other.

Flowers
MaosChaos · 26/09/2020 06:31
Flowers That's devastating. I'm so sorry for you all.
Original poster
Snufflebabe05 · 26/09/2020 06:35

@IHateCoronavirus

With regards to telling your own children, being as open and honest as possible in line with your family belief system is the best policy. Try to avoid ambiguity “sleep” “passing on” etc as they can associate the risk of death with sleep and it can create its own problems. When my baby DD died my counsellor said “tell them as much as you can, talk to them as openly as you can, because the gaps they fill in for themselves can be more frightening than anything in reality.”

As for seeing the baby, I guess a lot would depend on how much he can do say etc, if he is up and playing, play along with him , if he is sedated etc, listen to the parents if that is what they need.
I’m so sorry your family are going. Through this.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry you have been on this path.

I really appreciate the time you have taken to share your experience and gives me more clarity on how to handle these next few days and weeks.

OP posts:
MaryAnon · 26/09/2020 06:36

So so sorry. Flowers Sending strength.

feathermucker · 26/09/2020 06:37

So very sorry Flowers

Justpassingtime1 · 26/09/2020 06:59

My relative was diagnosed with a life-limiting illness at 19 .
It is a very traumatic situation . Very, very hard. Sympathies

Lovelydovey · 26/09/2020 07:02

I’m so sorry to hear this, life isn’t fair.

Can you go and do something relatively normal with him? Read him a story? Play a game?

Sexnotgender · 26/09/2020 07:03

I’m so sorry Flowers

My thoughts are with you and your family.

I spent a month living on a paediatric oncology ward with my daughter (she had orthopaedic surgery and for some reason the wards were combined), it was one of the most heart wrenching times of my life. Such brave, brave children and their families.

Amimissingsomethinghere · 26/09/2020 07:09

I think reading a story is a lovely idea. It's a brief distraction for everyone and hopefully the little boy will be able to enjoy it.
So desperately sad. I'm sorry for your family and for you op.

Soulstirring · 26/09/2020 07:15

Wishing you love and strength. @Travelledtheworld said all I can say beautifully. I’m so very sorry for you all

DSsnmum · 26/09/2020 07:15

I’m so sorry for what you are all going through. My baby niece passed away and there is just nothing worse. I’m truly sorry for your family.

MJMG2015 · 26/09/2020 07:25

I'm so very sorry, what a devastating situation. Do your best to hold it together when you're with him & smile as genuinely as you can - babies are very good at picking up on our emotions & the best thing you can do for I'm right now is to radiate love & reassurance. It is beyond cruel, sending lots of live to you all x

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/09/2020 07:37

I am so sorry Flowers

SeaToSki · 26/09/2020 07:48

When I was helping my friend watch her lovely DD die I found it difficult to pitch my emotional level correctly. I often was too emotional or too unemotional iyswim. I found it very helpful to just stop for a couple of minutes before I joined them and just quietly sing a lullaby to myself. It helped remind me that that is how I wanted to ‘be’ with them. Soft but supportive.
Sending hugs, its so hard
Oh and also encourage the adults to eat, its difficult when you are in the depths of despair but they will need the energy

Chocaholic9 · 26/09/2020 07:51

I am so sorry OP. I am wishing you strength and sending love for today x