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Original poster

Deeply in love with my co-worker

31 replies

Psychicwanderer · 25/09/2020 17:56

I sound like a ridiculous teenager but this has truly taken over my life.

I've been working with a co-worker for about a year and a half. He's brilliant - kind, hilarious, good looking. We often send at least an hour every day chatting about our general lives and just about any topic of conversation. Sometimes I think he likes me, other times he'll drop a comment where relevant in the conversation which makes it sound like he keeps work and personal lives separate. I leave this company at the end of the year and fully intend to ask him out at that point, but in the meantime it's killing me.

Everytime he tells me he's going out for dinner or to a bar, I wonder if he's going on a date and the thought destroys me. He's been single for a few months but actively dating around and I'm scared he will find someone he likes before I get a chance to ask him out. I really need to get a grip but it's seriously effecting me.

Any advice?

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 25/09/2020 17:57

Ask him out for a drink?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 25/09/2020 17:57

Ask him out!

52andblue · 25/09/2020 17:59

Oooooh.
Well if you leave at year end anyway you could take the risk and ask him out. If it's a 'No' then you'll have to see him till then but if it's a 'Yes' and gets all steamy then you don't have too long to work together (tricky)

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Dating General relationships
unmarkedbythat · 25/09/2020 18:00

Yes, make a move.

Estrellente · 25/09/2020 18:00

If you’re going anyway, ask him now!

Original poster
Psychicwanderer · 25/09/2020 18:01

Sorry probably should have said but my company has a strict no dating between seniority levels rule. He's more senior than I am.

OP posts:
Disorganisedfish · 25/09/2020 18:04

Can you say something like when you leave at the end of the year it would be nice to keep in touch and go for a drink, and see how he responds?

Stompythedinosaur · 25/09/2020 18:08

In honesty, I'd probably leave it until you arent working together, then ask him out and see what he thinks.

Goinghometocallie · 25/09/2020 18:10

Don’t wait! You might miss you’re moment! Test him out and if he responds favourably leave a bit early!? Or come on , live a little, if you start dating do it on the sly for a cpl months till you leave. It’s hardly gonna end the world is it.

HollowTalk · 25/09/2020 18:13

I'd send him a message at the year end saying, "It's been great working with you. I've loved our chats. Keep in touch" and I'd include my phone number. Or your phone number Grin

Original poster
Psychicwanderer · 25/09/2020 18:20

@Goinghometocallie

Don’t wait! You might miss you’re moment! Test him out and if he responds favourably leave a bit early!? Or come on , live a little, if you start dating do it on the sly for a cpl months till you leave. It’s hardly gonna end the world is it.
I wish I could but he isn't leaving and would get into serious trouble if it was found out. I don't think he'd risk it, even if he did want to
OP posts:
Original poster
Psychicwanderer · 25/09/2020 18:21

It's horrible because I've got at least another 3 months here and he could easily find someone else in that time!

OP posts:
52andblue · 25/09/2020 18:24

Tell him you really like him.
And you understand the policy and that nowt can happen till you leave.
Ask him if he wants to go for it then?
At least you will know that way.

Redwinestillfine · 25/09/2020 18:24

Wait. I seriously doubt he'll be going on loads of dates with COVID raging.

workshy44 · 25/09/2020 18:26

Yes Covid is your friend here.. there will be v little opportunity for dating in the coming months. Maybe drop subtle hints in the lead up and then ask him out as soon as you leave.

Goinghometocallie · 25/09/2020 18:30

Ok don’t start a relationship but just tell him you like him. He has the perfect get out clause if he’s not interested because he can say “sorry, can’t,we work together” and you can just play it cool and say “ok” back.....No ones too embarrassed. However, if he does like you, he’s going to say “I like you too, but let’s wait until you leave”

Or there’s always option 3. Where he says “fucks sake, I’ve been waiting for you to tell me for years, fuck the job, we’re going for dinner tonight, you’ve only got two months left”

Non of them are too bad are they?

goldrabbit22 · 25/09/2020 19:16

I fought my feelings for my boss for 18 months. In the end it got so painful I thought 'I am going to ask him out - that way it will solve it one way or the other. If he says no then I will look for another job.'

He did say yes and ten years later we are married.

We had to keep it secret at work as well but after about 4 months, we fessed up! It wasn't quite as strict as your company rules sound but it was definitely not looked upon that favourably. Shortly after he moved to another building anyway so that made it a bit easier.

To save face I didn't present it as a date when I asked him and we didn't class it as a date at the time. I was interested in a particular sporting activity and there was an exhibition that was a bit difficult to get to as I didn't drive so I asked if he wouldn't mind taking me - he had previously said if you're ever stuck because you can't drive don't be afraid to ask.

Of course, now we admit that both actually knew full well it was a date!!

It sounds as if your are at that point when you feel you really must say something. If you don't, you wlll always wonder.

Good luck!

MadisonMontgomery · 25/09/2020 19:20

Could you ask him out for a drink or something, but not phrase it as a ‘date’? Might give you an idea how he feels either way?

InFiveMins · 25/09/2020 19:44

Lol at posters thinking COVID will stop him dating. Certainly hasn't stopped people I know.

Just tell him, OP. Life is too short not to say something.

fatherfintanstack · 25/09/2020 19:51

Can you ask him out for a drink but not as a proper 'asking out on a date?' No rule against two workmates having a drink.

It'll subtly show you like his company more than just during work time and set the groundwork for asking him out properly when you leave.

Original poster
Psychicwanderer · 26/09/2020 19:56

Thanks all. We live pretty far away from each other but 4 times now, whenever we happen to be in the same place as each other, he's suggested we meet up (and we have done) but for the most part, we've gone out in these meet-ups with other colleagues. Do you think that's a good sign that he's interested?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/09/2020 20:02

Fancy my co-worker

Fixed that for ya!

Original poster
Psychicwanderer · 26/09/2020 20:49

It's much more than that

OP posts:
cyclingmad · 26/09/2020 20:52

I wouldn't ask whilst your still there he might say no cos of work policy. Leave it until last week.

BashfulClam · 26/09/2020 22:58

I lost out by not asking someone out. Another co-worker said the guy I was hopelessly in love with fancied me. I fortunately he said it near a particular girl we both worked with a knew. Her and her sisters loved to go after attached guys etc as they had really low self esteem. She made sure she got him into bed and that I heard about it. He did disentangled himself and I was about to make my move when he found out a girl he’d slept with once was pregnant and he stepped up and began a relationship with her. If I’d have asked when he was single he wouldn’t have had the one night stand and we would have been together. Take the chance!