4 year old behavior issues - anyone else?

[Messofamum]

Hi - first time poster here.

I am really struggling with my four year old daughters behavior at the moment.. and to be honest it’s really upsetting and leaving me at a loss, worried about our relationship and whether I’m actually just completely messing this whole parenting thing up!

She is what they affectionately call ‘strong willed’, full of fiestyness, opinions, demanding, pushing the boundaries as far as possible and in a rush to grow up far too quickly. Many of those things I love and want her to hold on to for as long as possible.. but what’s upsetting is how rude she can be to me. She has soooo much attitude, screams and yells at me.. I’ve already had the ‘I want another mummy’ line just for trying to leave the park. She doesn’t listen, constantly back chats and now I’m writing this I feel pathetic for even doing so.. I’m basically saying ‘my four year old is mean to me’ and yes that is ridiculous! I’m sure it’s all just normal but every time she’s so rude and has so much attitude it scares the living daylights out of me.. and feels like I’m already in the throws of teenage parenting.. and she’s 4! If I can’t handle a 4 year old, how will I be when she’s 14.. and.. where has my cute, sweet little girl gone. of course I love her with every inch of my being but in those moments I really don’t like her, and I’m scared shirtless that she’s going to turn out just a rude, angry girl and I won’t even know her. In those moments I feel like I’m losing her already!

Anyone else feel the same?

Children don’t come with a Haynes manual unfortunately. You’ve probably done a fab job and she sounds great, but perhaps needs a careful hand on the reins as she’s too smart for her own good!

Is she spoiled? Brought up as an only child for all or most of her life, told how clever and wonderful she is so she thinks she is now a clever decision maker?
Do you beg and plead with her to do this or that rather than give choices or tell her what do do (as being politely saying please etc).
Or talk to her during conflict and explain things in great detail (in the hope she can see reason and respond accordingly) that she ignores because she is a child, rather than explain quickly no you can’t stay out and play it’s bedtime and expect her to come in.
Do you have idle threats that you never enforce.
Are there consequences for bad behaviour and rewards for good behaviour.

Apologies if that’s not like you at all.

My neighbours child sounds a lot like yours, feisty, clever and confident. And these are the (per super nanny) mistakes she made. The child is older and at school now so I know you’re not my neighbour!

I know not everyone likes super nanny so no offence if you don’t.