Rights of child - contact with divorced parents

[DatingDickheads]

My sons father lives in a different town so is unable to have him stay week days, weekends are the only option. My son doesn’t want to go every weekend and only wants to stay 1 night the weekends he does visit. He has no Bedroom at his dads place and it’s not a ‘proper home’ to him - his words. its actually his dads girlfriends house.

This is now becoming an issue as my ex is accusing me of not letting him see him. He believes my son should be made to go and see him for 2 nights.

I’ve said he could come out during the week and take him out for dinner - my ex says it’s too far to travel just for dinner. It’s a 40 mins drive max.

Just wondering if anyone knows the law around this. I’m in Scotland. My son is 12.

We don’t have any formal agreement In place for contact.

If your son is there got the one night surely it’s him telling dad he wants to go home and not stay another night?

At 12 the child would be listened to in court and would have his wishes granted unless there were other factors to take into consideration

Thanks @MrsShelton

Basically I text my ex every second weekend and ask him if he is taking my son. He then says yes or no - he goes on holiday a lot so doesn’t have every second weekend free.

He will then say he wants him for 2 days and my son will say to me he only wants to stay 1 night. I then have to relay this to my ex who will go crazy at me. It’s like a vicious circle!

My son won’t tell his dad directly he only wants to stay 1 night. He wants me to do it. I think this in itself says a lot!

I don’t think your EX can do much to stop your DS if he only wants to stay 1 night not 2.

If this was taken to court, the judge would want to know why there is no bedroom for him and what the sleeping provision is. They would also want to know why the EX prioritises holidays over contact with his son, it would be a different thing altogether if he had to work away a lot. 40 min drive to take his son out for dinner would not be considered an excessively long journey. A 12yo is plenty old enough to decide whether they want contact or not.

It sounds as if EX is simply not that interested. He is being difficult to rile you as it’s a good way to get sympathy from others because you are not ‘letting’ him see his son. Clearly he does nothing to build this relationship with him, or make him feel welcome at his girlfriends home. Is she also not bothered with DS? Do they do anything fun with him? Also more importantly, the more nights he has DS, the less maintenance he would have to pay.

I should have said, the child has the right to contact, but also has the right to request to change that contact to more or less, I don’t think your EX understands this.

At age 12 its up to the child my ex is just finding out that years of not making our son a priority mean he doesn't make him a priority either tonight for example he is prioritising his homework over his dad even though he only sees him for an hour our son can't be bothered

Its quite sad

My ex is desperately blaming me for all this however he only has himself to blame

At 12 my ds went nc with his df.... At 12 your dc can make up hsi own mind.

Thanks @girlywhirly you are correct when you say he can get sympathy is he tells people I’m not letting him see his son, he like to play the victim!

My son does have fun if it’s a quick one night visit but anymore than that and he craves his own familiar surroundings - his bedroom with all his stuff where he can chill.

Thanks @slipperywhensparticus I do find it quite sad too. We are the same - ex Blaming me yet is all his own doing!

I think that you could suggest your son writes to his dad explaining what he’d like ideally, one night over the weekends he does stay. He could raise the issue that he finds that enough, and that having no personal space where his dad lives makes him want to be in his own room at home. And at 12, there will be more things taking up his time going forward, homework, projects, sports, clubs, seeing his mates.

You could raise the fact that you have to text to find out if EX is having his son over; why doesn’t he be proactive and let you know? Why won’t he make where he lives more welcoming, is that the girlfriends influence? You could point out that soon it will get to the point where DS no longer wants to go and he will have to pay you full maintenance.