Ds hitting at nursery

[Macramacious]

Ds turns 4 in December. At pick up today, his teacher pulled me aside and said he had been hitting the other children and been acting very defiant. He has been back at nursery 3 weeks now and never hit before lockdown.

He is being investigated for sen and gets a few hours 1 - 1 time each week although no one has offered a possible diagnosis, just that he is behind socially and emotionally. He is very intelligent and can read and play simple nursery rhymes on his keyboard. He's also a stubborn little git that will scream and rage if he doesn't get his own way.

At home he will occasionally hit his older sister and will get a warning, then 3 minutes time out if it happens again. He's very rigid in that he wants things immediately and done in his way, I don't give in to the demands though.

I feel heartbroken as he is huge for his age and very strong. There are some sweet and gentle kids in his nursery much younger than him and I hate the thought that he's hurting them. We've sat down tonight and made a list of rules, no hitting, screaming, be kind, be respectful, and set out clear consequences. Is there anything more I can do? I'm tempted to ask for a meeting with his teacher and the lady in charge of sen to ensure we're all using the same tactics but they are obviously stretched to the limit right now.

Have the nursery told you what plans they’ve put in place? In the nurseries where I’ve worked we would be looking at staying very close to this child, then we could intervene, see if anything specific is triggering him hitting and encourage him to respond appropriately.

It sounds like you’re dealing with it appropriately at home but there’s only so much you can do. If you can speak to his teacher I think that’s a good idea. It’s important that you know how this is being handled rather than just being told at the end of the day that your child has been hitting with no behaviour plan to prevent it in future.

Thank you for the reply. You're right, she should have mentioned what they plan to do about it going forward. She just told me she had moved him down the behaviour chart they use in class. I will ask for a meeting with her and his sen teacher.

I think it’s best to speak with their teacher. If they know he has SEN, they need to be making more of a plan than moving him down the behaviour chart.

It can feel horrible knowing your child is hitting others at nursery, but it’s really not your fault. Although it’s not acceptable, it’s also not uncommon, and you’re doing your best to sort it.