Anyone else's DP have a weird sense of home?

[BetterBeHomeByMidnight]

I posted in Relationships but wondered generally, if there others with an interesting/non-conformist, sense of home?

My DP lives on a houseboat. He has a flat which he rents out. Occasionally it's empty. He will think nothing of staying there for a few days. At the moment, as my house is empty (DCs away), we have been living here. Apart from coming back from his workplace for a few days - that's another story.

He also has a house in Scotland, where he once lived with an ex. The house is lovely, but very rundown and needs attention. Since lockdown measures were relaxed, we visited, and will go again later today, having made a 3 hour journey from his place of work last night.

He works in a sort of freelance capacity, earning well. He chooses to work away and spends a couple of nights away. He encourages me to join him if I'm free (I work PT and online at the moment)...

I'm just seeing how this looks written down. It's exhausting! I'm sure some of it is due to his traumatic childhood. Always living out of a case, always on the go. We can never really cook together or have friends over. I feel like I am living a double life - when I have my DCs I have a stable (ish) and quiet household, where dinners are predictable and laundry gets done.

Is anyone else's partner like this? He's one of those people who would be suited to living in a camper (he has one of those, too!). I'm wondering how it will be, going forwards.

I wouldn't necessarily put it down to trauma. Isn't the key difference here between (a) having young children who need a certain amount of stability if they are at school in a particular place, especially if they then spend half of their time elsewhere with another parent, and (b) being a childfree free agent whose work is mobile, who has several homes, and who can move around them easily?

Circumstances, partly to do with Covid, have meant that we've moved house four times with a young child since last Christmas, with virtually all of our belongings in storage, and to be honest, I've relished the freedom. The only complications have involved giving DS stability and getting him to school long distance since school returned.

But if it doesn't suit you, and it sounds as if it doesn't, you're right to be concerned, if you see a future in this relationship, and don't want it to be long-distance..

Thanks, Plesky His father died when he was a baby and mother had MH issues, and he has PTSD from something else, which was why I thought trauma.

My kids are teens. One wants to live at ex's during term time as his house is near her school, the other is away at school. They are not back much but I think keeping the stability at home is important for when they come back, and I will continue this into their university days. His kids are older so he doesn't have the same problem.

Yes, maybe it's more around that difference. He is happy to accommodate my wishes, but I am bemused by his version of what he provides as 'home'.

Wow, 4 times! Yes, to an extent, the freedom is rather pleasant, schools, etc. permitting. We are 'home' again today before the next big journey later this evening.

Before DP and I properly moved in together we would spend a few days at each other's houses most of the time and I think we both found it slightly unsettling having stuff in two houses and constantly having to remember to take things back and forward.

Your DP presumably likes living like this though OP. But it's ok if you don't. Maybe you need to have a serious conversation about how he sees things being going forwards.

Thanks, Bethany
Yes, it’s a combination of having to lug my stuff around all the time, and the number of places being managed. I’ve slept in 12 different places since lockdown started and it’s a strain. You’re right, I think we need to keep discussing it.

Living between multiple places is something that you get used too. Two is manageable, three becomes a pain or at least I found 3 a pain.

Stupid things like I need ketchup. I buy it then get home then realise I already have 2 bottles. Go to next place and theres no ketchup. Keeping track of washing in 3 places is tough too.

This really wouldn’t suit me at all, but it suits some other people fine. I would find it really exhausting, I’m very much a homebody and like my own space. If it doesn’t suit you, I agree it would be best to have a good think about what you want from your future together.

If you want to live together I don’t think this will work long term. If you don’t it might be better to live separately so you can still have your stable home and he can still have his freedom to move around.

@Bikingbear Yes! That's exactly how it is here, too. I've started a spreadsheet for one of the houses, and I always have stacks of coffee as we seem to have to buy it wherever we go. It's really hard work.

@Kanaloa No, it doesn't suit everyone. I like being home from time to time, but his version has been extreme lately. It's not always as bad as this, granted. We will see. It's been 2.5 years, so something works about it, I just can't figure out if it will carry on like this!