Why can't I get over this small incident, and how can I?

[mcgonagalscat]

In March, I had my second DS. When he was 6 days old and lockdown had started, my 2 year old DS1 woke up in the night with a sore throat and temperature. He had a seizure and an ambulance was called. They couldn't do a covid test and they couldn't look in his mouth or ears as a ENT doctor had died that week from the hospital he was in, as he had contracted covid.
I was absolutely terrified, full of hormones from just having had DS2, and couldn't go in the ambulance or to the hospital with DS. I was worried about the germs they would get at the hospital, the germs the paramedics would bring in too.

The next morning DS1 came home and was still poorly. His temperature was getting higher throughout the day despite having Calpol. He was getting worse and worse and I called 111 but the wait was hours long. Out of hours doctors were full, my dr surgery was closed. In the end he had another seizure and another ambulance took him to hospital and the same thing happened, the same worries happened.

I couldn't see my parents because of lockdown, DH was working from home throughout. I realllly wanted the support from my mum.

When DS1 had the seizures he had a spike in temperature and woke up screaming in the night.

Since this incident in March (he recovered after a course of antibiotics) I worry constantly. I have nightmares almost every night. From the moment he is in bed I'm worried sick waiting to hear him scream. I check his temperature all the time in the night by going in and touching his head. Every time he moves on the monitor my heart races waiting for something bad to happen.

I recognise I am not acting rationally. I don't know why this is affecting me so badly- nothing really happened, he is a healthy little boy, he recovered quickly. I can't help my reactions though. If I hear him in the night calling me for any reason my heart races, I can't catch my breath, and then I get a terrible headache straight afterwards and can't go back to sleep, just lay there worrying.

I don't know how to move on?

When I phone up what would I say to the receptionist for why I need an appointment?

Tell them how you are feeling and that you think you may have PND. PND can happen any time in the first year of having a baby. You can also contact your HV if you don’t want to speak to your GP

💐

Definitely call your gp

Some traumas get better over time and some don't. PTSD is one example of when they don't and you need help. Which is helpful in most cases.

You don't need to specify what's up. You're not the doctor. I would say, "I want to make an appointment to discuss my mental health" and leave the doctor to decide if it's PND, PTSD, anxiety or something else.

Take care and all the best.

Sounds very much like ptsd. Very scary situation all round but not being allowed in the ambulance or to hospital must have been terrifying,
Don’t feel bad about not being‘over it’
Sounds like you need help to deal with it tho otherwise you could be stuck in that place of fear and panic for a long time.
I have complex ptsd and regular flashbacks and nightmares etc, it’s hellish.
Sending hugs and understanding

You had a very scary experience at a time when you were vulnerable and unable to get support as you usually would. I can’t imagine sending my child away in an ambulance and not being able to go with them - and that’s just one part of the whole picture. You’re having a perfectly normal human reaction to extreme distress.

Your GP or health visitor is a good place to start in terms of getting help, or if you can go privately a therapist experienced in working with trauma would be able to help. While EMDR can be helpful in processing trauma, it can also be very hard on you, and it doesn’t suit everyone.

In all honesty the thing that will help you heal most is being gentle with yourself, knowing how helpless you were to help your little one is very hard to cope with, give yourself time and space to physically and emotionally recover.

I was going to also say you may have PTSD, I see several folk have mentioned the same.

Regardless of whether you've developed actual ptsd (not everyone does), you have definitely experiencing trauma here. And its not even like it was one off, it repeated, which makes it very hard for your brain to relax enough to heal.

I'm so so sorry this happened to you, and to your ds and family. It must have been an appalling experience. Yanbu to not have "got over it". Its something that will take a long time to heal. Be gentle to yourself xx and do contact the gp. Don't worry too much about what to say to reception - you can say anxiety, mental health, difficulty recovering from a traumatic event, sleep disturbance, panic attacks, you name it. Don't let that be a hurdle for you.

The simple answer to your title question is that this was not a small incident, that's why. First you need to acknowledge that what happened was a big deal and it's ok for you to struggle with it. Give yourself permission to feel these feelings instead of brushing it off.

Secondly, you really do need to make that GP appt. Prioritise this. They will be able to refer you to the services that you need to get support.

I wouldn't bother with the GP. They can be a listening ear but they're not trained in trauma focussed therapy. They could give you drugs or put you on a list for therapy but it might take ages. Go on counselling directory and find someone who does the rewind technique or EMDR and specialises in working with trauma. Most therapists are working on Zoom so you don't even have to leave the house. You may only need a couple of sessions.

These techniques remove the massive anxiety reaction that you're experiencing as if the incident is happening now rather than in the past. You can still remember it but it's an ordinary memory rather than one that regularly retraumatises you.

Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to be told to 'get a grip' or similar!
Thank you so much for all of your replies- it helps me to realise that this is a normal response and perhaps something I ought to take more seriously than I am. I am going to show these responses to my DH this morning and give the GP a ring. Thank you x

Agree with pps, but worried about your title post, and hope there is nobody in real life telling you to get a grip, or get over yourself, ...as you have suffered major trauma!!!

Let us know how you get on OP. Big hugs xo

Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to be told to 'get a grip' or similar!

Unfortunately your brain has decided not to get a grip and that's when we need a little help. Just like any ailment. Sometimes you fall and get straight up, sometimes you break your ankle.

@mcgonagalscat also please do look at EMDR. It's a well established fast acting therapy used by the army for ptsd. It's not free and it's not NHS but it works with in a few sessions and you can do it via zoom. The GP will offer you medication, which I'm usually all for, but that's just a way to cope.

OP,as others have said it was a situation where you were helpless due to the circumstances. New baby during covid and then the incident with your DC.
Whilst its entirely possible and likely that with time you will move in from this, I do feel that you may benefit from seeking some counselling, or GP advice, as this is impacting your quality of life. Good luck with everything.

Evening!

I have a telephone consultation with a hypnotist for EMDR booked in for next week. My GP didn't call back today but EMDR was recommended so many times on this thread I'm going to give it a go.

It's strange, when I think of the word 'trauma' or PTSD I assumed it would relate to a giant incident, or abuse, or something on that scale. To other people my little boy getting ill during lockdown wasn't a big deal and nor do I expect it to be, and so I think that is why I was calling it a small incident. This thread has helped me to recognise that it was more than that.

I've never suffered with mental health issues prior to this, yet I'm the first to give advice when my friends are down and encourage them to get help for their mental health. I keep re reading the replies on this thread and getting a bit weepy. You've all been so kind and helped me to realise I have a problem that I should hopefully be able to move on from, thank you all xx

No a small incident a really scary and horrible incident

I had a similar experience recently due to a traumatic incident. I felt like my 'panic' response had been triggered and wouldn't shut off. Doctor didn't flinch. Prescribed a short course of Diazepam which brought me back down to earth within 4 days, and I've been fine since.

It's normal @mcgonagalscat, and it's not hard to stop it. If that's what it's like to suffer from anxiety, I have only sympathy for those suffering it full time.

You know I dong think it sctually was a minor incident. Reading your description it sounded rather harrowing actually. Well done on the booking keep us posted!

Apparently even though you remember what happened it just kind of fades and there's not that emotion. You'll forget that you felt this way once it's all over 😁

@Eckhart

I had a similar experience recently due to a traumatic incident. I felt like my 'panic' response had been triggered and wouldn't shut off. Doctor didn't flinch. Prescribed a short course of Diazepam which brought me back down to earth within 4 days, and I've been fine since.

It's normal @mcgonagalscat, and it's not hard to stop it. If that's what it's like to suffer from anxiety, I have only sympathy for those suffering it full time.

Great doc. Diazepam is sctually an elegant and effective drug when used properly. Not good h FB or weeks, but for days just the ticket.

Stupid phone! Not good for weeks I mean!