Disconnected from oldest child

[Thatgirlcat]

My daughter is almost 3, at around 18 months old I started to feel disconnected from her. I felt almost as though she wasn't mine and everyone said how beautiful and great she was, I just nodded but didn't feel like that. I almost have a sense of resentment towards her, I honestly don't know why. When she gets stroppy I just can't take it, I leave the room most of the time.

Can someone tell me what's wrong with me? I know it sounds absolutely awful to say, but I just can't cope with her. My son is 8 months old and we have a good relationship and I feel like he's such a sweet baby, so why do I not feel the same with my daughter?

I think you probably need a decent counsellor to help you unpick why tbh. What's your relationship like with your mother?

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Please get help for your dd's sake.

Does she have a lot of tantrums? I found that hard, myself.

@allthewaterinthetap yes, she is getting a bit better. But sometimes if I'm feeding my baby son she screams if I can't immediately do something for her. I'm thinking it might be PND?

It might well be, can you talk to your Dr or HV? You def need to get some help.

Whatever it is, it will be worse for both of you going forward if you carry on the pattern of her acting up and you disengaging. Please speak to your gp of you think it might be pnd. The last 6 months have been a hard time for everyone and esp for anyone adding a new baby into the mix, they will understand.

It's very common for older kids to go back to being hard work when younger sibling is born. They had all the attention to themselves, now suddenly you have to compete.
If you are feeling like what you are feeling and show that to your dd, it may really affect your dd and the relationship between your dd and ds.
You need to show her that she is as important to you as your ds, guide her to be his big sister.

I think the advice is great, sounds like you need to talk this through so you don't feel judged at all. I did the same when my son was 9 months old, just felt very bored very disinterested in him and could happily let other people look after him.

I had pnd with my second child but I felt like you do with the baby not the eldest child. I didnt realise I had pnd for about 12 months. I was happy for my mum to look after her and just didnt have much interest although I always met her basic needs like food etc, I just wasnt interested in spending time with her. I went to my gp, we talked about different options and I had some cbt which really really helped! I wished I had gone sooner. Maybe have a chat with your gp I'm sure they will be helpful