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A question about whether I did something socially wrong--nothing too serious.

2 replies

chuzzlewitty · 21/09/2020 18:06

I was at a party on Friday night, the first one I've been to for a while. It was something that moved on from a restaurant so it was a general continuation of the night but included another group who was celebrating someone's birthday. It moved to someone's house (not the birthday guy). It's a small town but everyone knows everyone. I hardly know anyone as I tend to isolate myself.

At the party I got talking to someone I've seen and spoken to briefly around my small town for a while but didn't know. We ended up talking most of the night and then we went back to his house for tea to continue the convo as it was quite personal and deep.

The guy whose birthday it was came to say hello and furnish me with a drink toward the beginning of the night. We had a nice little chat and then I got back talking to the first guy. A couple more times in the night he came and sort of hovered near us and I tried to include him by smiling at him but the convo with the first guy was quite heavy and involved and the birthday guy drifted away. At the end of the night we were the last three to leave plus another guy, and we were sort of walking in a loose group but then the first guy invited me to his house for tea so we split off and I called out another happy birthday to the other guy and we split off.

I thought it was a nice brief chat with thr birthday guy and hoped to have the opportunity to continue it again at some point.

Well he was behind me at the supermarket checkout today and i said a warm hello but he was a little standoffish and cold.

Now to talk about my self esteem. This first guy- I think I'd decided he didn’t particularly like me so I think I was feeling lucky in some ways that he was paying attention to me. The conversation was maybe a little heavier than I was comfortable with and I wanted to talk to other people at the party but felt flattered by his attention. I've no romantic interest in anyone mentioned above, and in fact had thought the guy I ended up having tea with was gay for various reasons, but during the convo it became obvious he was straight. I also was a little tired and hungry and wasn't sure that I wanted to go for tea, but said yes and it turned out to be ok. I think it was also general loneliness as well as flattery that drove that decision. Maybe feeling like it was a limited time offer as I've been to virtually no one's house since I've been here, my fault as I isolate myself.
I also wonder whether a part of me was disclosing more than I was comfy with to retain his interest in the convo. I don't know, maybe I'm giving myself a hard time about it. It's not to say that he wasn't an interesting guy and I enjoyed talking to him, but just that there were other things at play on reflection. He was also setting himself up in our convo as quite well connected and powerful and popular in town so I don't know how that played into how I was responding to the whole situation.

I don't know many people in town and feel the loss of that potential new friendship with the birthday guy. He has an obvious physical disability but not one that significantly limits him, if that makes any difference to how the situation is read.

I just wanted to ask whether I did something wrong to cause the birthday guy to be cold and standoffish today when he was warm and engaging during that first chat on the night of the party.

Sorry it's so long. I haven't anyone to talk to about these silly emotions and situations that arise. My fault I know.

OP posts:
Suckmuckduck · 21/09/2020 18:12

Maybe he was drunk that night. Maybe he’s had a bad day today. Who knows, try not to overthink it.

chuzzlewitty · 21/09/2020 18:17

Thanks duck. Also playing on my mind was that I was all dressed up on the night but looked really rough today. Sort of assigning that to someone's behaviour toward me. Not healthy I know.

OP posts:
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