Toddler hitting and laughing- where am I going wrong?

[mcgonagalscat]

DS has just turned three. He still has and still needs a nap during the day. In the past week and a half we have had a few incidence issues defiance- he keeps getting out of his bed and running to the baby gate laughing. I keep a straight face and put him back into bed - this goes on and on and on.

He isn't interested in hearing about the nice things we will do when he wakes up, he isn't interested in a toy getting taken away. He laughs, keeps getting out of bed, and when I put him back in the bed tries to hit me. He hit me hard on the face today and I got cross and lost my temper, raising my voice and telling him he must never hit me, it's unkind and makes mummy cross and sad. He just laughed.

I left the room today and told him I would return when he was in bed, and he got his camera and pulled it down and threw it. I went back up and eventually managed to get him into bed with the threat that I would leave the house until he did. By this point he was sobbing- he was absolutely exhausted.

I feel like if I were to watch it all back I would be 100% sure I did everything wrong. What can I do differently at nap time tomorrow?

Are you sure he still needs a nap in the day? It doesn't sound like he is ready to go to sleep.

DS dropped his naps around 2, I stopped trying to get him to sleep as it was to much effort. We had quiet time instead. He was a bit irritable for a while late afternoon but now he is fine until.bedtime

No nap and earlier bedtime?

Three is pretty old to need naps still.

Bedtime routine starts at 6.30ish- bath, books, song, bed- never any fuss.

He wakes up at 7.30am most mornings, and is ready for a nap by 11ish. Some days he's fine and goes through until bedtime. Days when he needs a nap it's super obvious. He will say 'I'm so tired!' And he gets stumbly on his feet and silly- throwing things and not following any instructions. There are days when he needs a nap still, I don't doubt that!

He will sleep for 2 hours in the day. Perhaps I ought to drop them now and plan some nice quiet afternoon activities instead

I recently started capping my toddler's naps at 45 minutes. Made an absolute world of difference to bed time- might be worth a shot?

Our 3 year old dropped her naps at aged 2.5! We incorporate a down time hour into the day where she will watch a film or go to her room and read for the hour! Also gives me a semi rest in the day especially if the baby is also napping!!

I wouldn’t allow a two hour nap, that’s far too much, especially with such an early bedtime routine. No way will he be tired then after so much sleep. Are you talking to him when you’re putting him back to bed?

I would cut nap time down to 1 hour max (maybe even 45 minutes), and not put him for his nap until after lunch. 11am is very early for that age. Close his door and walk away.

If he is getting up he doesn't need to be 'put down' for a nap. He might fall asleep on chair or on beanbag/cushion downstairs with you if he is tired and you can cover him then but a three year old really doesn't have to be put to bed at a regular time every day.

You were right to be cross about him hitting you, he does have to learn that 'we do not hit' but throwing camera was sheer frustration at being unnecessarily put to bed.

I think he sounds like he needs the sleep.

DS is 2 but he’ll act like that on occasion. It tends to be at times when he’s trying to get attention as he hasn’t had enough earlier on in the day, eg we went out and I just chatted to someone else etc. To avoid these situations, I find it helps to spend quality time beforehand and then he’s much more reasonable and will even just go to bed himself and lie down.

I do wonder about these naps actually- I’m not British and we did have nap times in Kindergarten till age 5 or so. Speaking to friends from different countries, it’s not the case everywhere that you stop children napping at 2.

He will still sleep through the night, even after a long nap in the day which made me think he needs it.

I will try stopping naps in the day, and do some quiet activities with him instead.

My ds napped until the day he started school, not all children are the same. However if he is getting up again then I would go with that. I have found that the best way to deal with difficult situations is to side step whenever possible. Could his routine be a bit more flexible, so he can nap some days but doesn’t have to every day?
The laughing when you were shouting is a primal response, not because he thinks it’s funny. You want to trigger their empathy when they have hurt you, not their fear. If mine hit I would look very sad and leave, (or turn away if leaving was not possible). The discussions/reading books about hitting not being kind works better at a later point.

If you don’t want to stop the nap, could you move it until a bit later? That might make him tired enough to fall right asleep.

The laughing when you were shouting is a primal response, not because he thinks it’s funny. You want to trigger their empathy when they have hurt you, not their fear. If mine hit I would look very sad and leave, (or turn.

I did wonder about that. Good to know.

On the days when he isn’t compliant with getting into bed could you not sit somewhere quiet and cosy with him. Maybe read quietly and see if he falls asleep. At 3 he’d be old enough to be left on a sofa or carried up to bed if sound asleep. Somedays he might not need a nap but it sounds like you are aware of when he does need it.

As for the hitting I agree with PP try to hide anger but be very sad and sore (even exaggerating holding face etc where he hit you). Say “that hurt mummy. Mummy feels sad now that wasn’t nice” etc etc. My eldest went though and awful hitting phase around 2.5yrs but only to me. He was trying to express himself but didn’t have enough words or emotional development to do this. Not to say a few times he didn’t here “no we don’t hit” but generally I’d try to use the empathy route and he’s often look sad in end and we’d have a hug and I’d quietly say “it’s not nice to hit mummy or anyone it hurts them and makes them feel sad”. For what it’s worth it was a phase of a few months and he did outgrown it.

@missyB1

I would cut nap time down to 1 hour max (maybe even 45 minutes), and not put him for his nap until after lunch. 11am is very early for that age. Close his door and walk away.

I disagree. I read somewhere that the optimal time for a nap is 5.5 hours after wake-up and it holds true for my toddler. She wakes at 5.30/6 a.m., naps 11-11:45 and then is in bed by 7.30/8.00 p.m. Works well for us.