I'm a dreadful parent

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I've whinged posted on here recently but I just feel stuck. DS is 2. He is gorgeous and happy, childminder reports he is brilliant etc etc. But at home I cant do anything without it causing a meltdown. Getting dressed, having to go from room to room (e.g. 'we need to go and clean our teeth'), having his fac, nappy changes, if he wants to go somewhere unless we can go right then it's full on meltdown. Doesnt like getting in the car and needs placating the whole time. Sleep has always been a bit iffy- he has been awake since 4.45 today- he is still in his cot but woke me up. Bedtime used to be a happy affair with daddy but now it has to be me and its been like this for months.

We have always been routine based, he gets a good nap at home, but I feel trapped about where we can go. My life is an unending circle of the park or him just wanting to walk along the main road to look at cars. Meal times are hit and miss, but if we eat all together I cant remember the last time I just ate a whole meal in peace. He is obsessed with videos of himself so if he sees my phone it's usually a meltdown

He has eczema and poos about 4 times a day. Currently trying dairy free. He gets injured all the time, he has a mark on his face which I'm hoping wont scar from where he fell off a stool and he knocked a front tooth out when I gave him a cup of water on a walk.

People keep saying these days will be the best of our lives. I'm clearly just crap. I'm also 37 weeks pregnant and our house is partly building site. I'm exhausted. What am I doing wrong. In the park then other day we were on the swings and he decided he wanted me to stand behind him. I did and the woman next to me said to her grandson 'well we know who rules the roost in that house, dont we?'. I feel like he has rules and structure but maybe not.

I dont enjoy my life at the moment.

Ignore judgy granny, she's ignorant.

DS1 had similarities with your son, he was very high octane. He's just been diagnosed (aged 7) with autism level 1 (Asperger's in old money) and will be investigated for ADHD. He is delightful - charming, bright, witty - but has lots of sensory-seeking behaviours and never sleeps past 5.30 still.

2 years old is super hard, I promise it will get easier eventually. You're doing a great job. Is dad not on the scene? You definitely deserve a break.

You are definitely NOT an awful parent. You care deeply and work very hard to care for your child. Nobody gets it right all the time.

You are however, exhausted and bored. Those are normal states to be in with a 2 year old - especially one who tantrums (not your fault). Throw in the pregnancy and the building works - no wonder you are finding it hard!

Please don’t blame yourself, or take any notice of snidey comments from strangers in the park.

Is it possible to give yourself a break before the new baby arrives? Can you get away for a few days by yourself? I’m sure your son’s dad can cope for a weekend without you.

Thank you. I have wondered if he will eventually be diagnosed with something.

DH is here but things arent brilliant at the moment. He is hands on but we do things differently and he feels I'm very critical of his parenting. It is also me DS wants 95% of the time.

Yes - exhausted and bored is a good summary! Dont think there is really anywhere I could go 2bh.

Premier inn?

Family?

Friend?

A premier inn I could do - but what if I go into labour?!

Being pregnant with a toddler is hideous. It will be easier with a newborn, believe it or not.
Good luck

You are not a lousy parent....the fact you are asking for advice echoes that !
It sounds hard work and a sympathise...
It will pass.....honestly it will
Just do what works for you ...don't overthink what you need to do to get through ...
Not much help sorry ...just wanted you to know you are NORMAL !!!

Sounds really tough OP. The toddler years + pregnancy + building site is enough to be extremely wearing.

With getting dressed can you try offering two acceptable appropriate choices? Two different T shirts - let him decide and so on. That helped my very tantrummy youngest. Take the toothbrush into his bedroom and try starting in there.

Nappy changes - is he in pull ups? I used to stand both my DC on a window sill overlooking the garden to change their pull ups from as soon as they could stand. They get a view -oh look a bird- and you can do a quick sneaky change.

When your DH has your toddler take a step back - go have a nap, go out for a walk, try to get some headspace.
Is the a relative you could escape to for a rest (whatever the Covid rules are)?

Thank you. I just want to cry.

It sounds like you have a lot going on. Your son sounds like our daughter at that age. She is still very challenging at times, but perfectly capable for behaving well for others. A toddler while pregnant is really really hard. Even harder when you are not on the same page as your partner. Also your son is likely to sense change coming, and my also be acting out. But to be honest, toddlers can be horrendous and picking your battles is always wise. Good luck

The early waking and number of pops, you should maybe discuss with a doctor or HV?

The rest sounds quite normal to me. I have a 16 month old who is like that - she is wonderfully smiley, funny and adorable, but if she wants something and doesn't get it straight away, it's full on meltdown. I thought all toddlers were like that?

You must be insanely exhausted being 37 weeks pregnant though. I seriously don't know how people manage with age gaps like that! You sound like a brilliant parent and you're obviously trying your best for your child.

I think your DH needs to do a bit more, especially with you being pregnant. Could he take your son out for a few hours every weekend (eg. To a park further away, lake, to see family/friends, etc) so you get a break and a few hours to yourself? It would be good for both and your son my stop wanting you 95% of the time if he got more one-to-one with dad.

About the granny comment, I can't believe someone would be so rude!! I don't see anything wrong with you doing what your child wanted at the park, a place for him to have fun??

Ahh, you've stirred up memories of being 38 weeks pregnant, standing with my crutches in the entrance area of the supermarket while my 2 year old polished the floor with his screaming, thrashing body. We'd gone to the cafe to cafe as it was about thd only thing physically possible to do to get out of the house, and he had a "tantrum" because I refused to go to the toy aisle as I was physically spent.
(Fortinately the older couple that involved themselves were delightful)

I hated the toddler years. Utterly relentless.
DS2 was bettee natured, but a bolter when it was his tirn and as Mad Eye Moody would say "constant vigilence!" Meanwhile DS1 was still going strong on the tantrums.

He had an ASD diagnosis around his 9th birthday. No wonder it was fucking hard! But he is (usually) a delight. It's become easier to know his triggers and pick my battles. He hasn't worn trousers for years as he finds them so uncomfortable. No wonder changing his clothes was a relentless battle.

There maybe some kind of additional need or there may not. It does get easier (especially when factoring the final weeks of pregnancy). Its unfortunate that 2 year olds no what they want and can't express that in a civilised way. As communication develops, behaviour gets easier.

You're not a terrible parent, just a worn out one who is heavily pregnant with a strong willed toddler.

Can I just say that being pregnant with a 2 year old will not be the best days of your lives 😂. It gets so much better!

DH takes him at the weekend while I try and tidy the house in some way. DS is fine with this it's just bedtimes etc he wants me.

He has been referred to a consultant for the nappies and eczema.