10 weeks and 2 days ago, heart attack at home, unexpected, paramedics were fab, tried and tried to get him back for 40 minutes, I sat with him for hours as had to wait for police and coroner to attend as unexpected death at home, said (what I thought)were my goodbyes - jokes, songs , hugging , holding), dealt with it practically at the time, now bereft, we were so close, looking after my mum, feel like in a dream half the time, awake at night, sleepy during day, drinking too much alcohol, working full time, forgetful, confused, anxious (about my own death), everything makes me cry, have 3 kids of around 30 who are just busy with their own lives, I'm divorced (think god - he was a massive tosser) feel pathetic - not suicidal but need somebody to give me a massive warm hug! I know you lovely mumsnetters have a wealth of experience - any advice would be so very welcome - before I lose my mind