Would you dump a new friend for forgetting plans?

[Somethingkindaoooo]

There was someone who I used to work with who I really liked a great deal ( as a friend).
We tried to meet for coffee a few times, but, pandemic etc.
She called to arrange a time- all good. I was just on my way out the door at the time, so didn't have a chance to write it down etc.

I was then hit with an incredibly busy few weeks- I was so overwhelmed with work - needing to get things done, but couldn't due to other departments.
I forgot about our plans until the evening of our planned afternoon meet.
I text immediately and apologised. No answer.
I messaged again, and apologised. Again, no answer.

I feel terrible. I know I was 100% in the wrong. Everything just got on top of me and that thing slipped off my radar. I was supposed to get in touch the day or so before, and I hadn't. It really was an overwhelming few weeks.

I know there is no way this can be fixed, but I'm just wondering if most people would would react the same way..? Would you just blank someone who did this?
I'd be hurt, but I think I would also understand.

Why is it up to you to get in touch the night before? Its more usual for both parties to remind each other.

It's a forgivable mistake.

I knew I was going to be busy, so I said I'd let her know my whereabouts on the day of the planned meet.
I completely under estimated how busy I would be ( there was a knock on from Covid,so I've not been in this position before).

I know I was inconsiderate, but I genuinely apologised twice
😪

If she hasn't answered text she could be I'll. I mean it's odd not to respond. Unless of course she has taken the huff.

I MEANT ill

There's nothing more you can do, unfortunately.
You apologised. That's all you can do. She doesn't have to accept your apology.

Don't beat yourself up.

@Readandwalk

Why is it up to you to get in touch the night before? Its more usual for both parties to remind each other.

It's a forgivable mistake.

It says she forgot until the evening of the planned meet, not the evening before

If I was left waiting for you and you just didn't show up I wouldn't prioritise meeting up with you again. Depending how long I'd been left waiting I may just not reply to your messages

I think you should have called as soon as you realised.
But also don’t understand why she didn’t call you when you didn’t show up?
You could ring or go to her house to apologise but I guess it depends on how much you want to go forward with the friendship.

I have had friends who cancelled on my hours before 50% of the time so I would forgive you. If you did i a few times in a row in new friendship I would let you chase me for meeting up and made sure we always confirmed.

If your a more linger term friend, like mine, I would feel zero guilt for blowing you out last minute. Friends arent like partners. They can have shit going on, be imperfect etc as normally people have a few friends. No one can have a handful of perfect people as mates

I don't understand why she didn't text or call you on the day to see where you were? Also, if I make plans in advance, I normally speak to the other person before we go to check nothing has changed

I think I’d be a bit hurt, but wouldn’t hold a grudge. I probably wouldn’t instigate the next meeting though. Normally one of us would text a reminder the day before anyway. If you didn’t do that, why didn’t she? On a separate note, I organised a meet up with a few close friends about a year ago, I had booked the day off work and booked my little one into holiday club, as we were doing something with the older children. The day before, one by one they all pulled out, for varying reasons, some unavoidable, some flaky. It did upset me, and did ruin the day as I felt upset for my kids and sad that I’d put my youngest in childcare. It has stopped me organising anything since. We have met up loads since then, never instigated by me, but I always say yes and make sure I turn up as I know how bad it feels. I never told them how upset it made me, and don’t think any of them gave it a second thought, but maybe they did.

If it was a one-off and they apologised, I wouldn't give it a second thought. It seems like a really harsh reaction, unless there's a backstory of forgotten meetings and unanswered messages.

Why didn’t she contact you when you didn’t show?

If I'd made a plan a few weeks ago, I would definitely have sent a quick message to say "all ok for tomorrow" etc.

Onus is on both to do that, not just you. Especially right now with everything going on.

If she did just turn up at the meet, and not message to say "I'm here, are you your way', then her comms style is a bit odd!

Are you sure she hasn't forgotten herself, or ghosted you for some other reason?

If I organise something more than 23- days in advance, I'd always text the day before to confirm time and meeting place.

2-3 days that should say.

Hi
I work at a few locations. I was supposed to get in touch to confirm where I would be on the proposed day that we were going to meet. I didn't just stand her up.
It truly was an overwhelming few weeks- one of those where,all of a sudden it's the end of the week. I very often go home and work- in addition to running the house on my own.

Not looking for sympathy!!

You've done nothing wrong at all. You forgot, then got in touch. Stop feeling bad about this. Please.

It sounds like you just aren’t close (you describe her as a former co-worker you liked a lot), and that your plans to meet up now that you’re no longer working together have fallen through several times. If you’ve not seen each other in months and had mainly a work relationship, it may just not be a priority for her.

It’s no one’s fault, but sometimes co-workers we’re friendly with at work don’t turn into proper non-work friends, especially when you’re no longer working together. It’s possible this woman just isn’t willing to expend any more energy into turning a former work relationship into a social one.