What did you do to make your child academically gifted??

[luckystarmaking]

My DD just started reception and I'm already concerned that she might be behind especially in maths.

She can recognise all letters, a few words and can write a couple of 3 letter words but when it comes to maths all she can do is count to 20-25 (sometimes she forgets the order from 12-20) and she can just do basic adding. She also uses her fingers to count and I read that that method doesn't help with mental arithmetic.

We've done a lot of print out activities in maths but it hasn't really gone in yet.

I really want her to do well in life as I had a crap upbringing and suffered from a poor education. I'm a cleaner, but hey ho.

If your child is gifted, what have you done right? Any tips?

I agree reading is key - anecdotal I know but someone did a survey of my year at an Oxford college and the one thing everyone had was an ability to read by the time we started school (remember that would have been a year later then as there was no reception). I can't say however if that was a reflection of the importance of reading or of parents who were sufficiently engaged to teach us to do so before we started school. I suspect a bit of both...

I have two children. One is academically gifted one is (being blunt) academically lacking. The gifted child never had any tutors or anything like that but flew through the 11 plus, went to grammar school, got marvellous GCSEs, A Levels, First class degree, now finishing masters. The other child I did all the same things but they just never “got” it. I did get a tutor to help scrape a pass in maths GCSE.

The best thing you can do for your DC is make sure they have a good environment for study (as they get older) and any equipment they need. Support them and encourage a positive attitude to learning and school attendance.

Being academically advanced because of tutoring etc is not “gifted”. Not all children are academic. Both my children are great. (Most of the time 😉).

Agree it’s mainly genetics

Reading to them, having books around, discussing things with them, a little bit of maths now and then will make a difference but won’t make your child gifted. And pushing your child too hard is more likely to make them hate school work than make them do well

Your best bet is to try to teach her things like

• keeping trying at something even when it’s hard
• reacting calmly when things go wrong
• practising stuff over and over to get better at it
• being confident in herself and feeling like she is doing well

These are things that make a huge difference to life success, perhaps even more than being naturally gifted.

when it comes to maths all she can do is count to 20-25 (sometimes she forgets the order from 12-20) and she can just do basic adding.

I used to work with primaries to boost children mathematics skills. The best way is to play the games with them. Choose fun, interactive and engaging board games that will focus on logical thinking. The example is Think fun board games. Make learning fun and everyday activity. Show that maths is everywhere and engage her in maths when going to the Park or dinner. Choose activities such as building from blocks, puzzles or even dance and gymnastics. The most important thing is to have fun with maths and numbers.

@MrsMariaReynolds

Not unusual. My daughter underwent speech therapy at 3, needed extra help with Maths and English. I was frequently told by professionals to talk about everything, read, practice this, practice that and she will learn. I got it from parents too 'little Ben's language is good because we're always talking to him.' I felt as if I weren't trying hard enough. My confidence as a parent was on the floor and so was my daughter's and it made it hard for.me to bond with other parents.

Later, when I had my son, he just got things with little input from me as Dd took up a lot of my time and realised we were all doing everything we could.

At secondary school, I remember argung with the Deputy Head because his solution was to throw extra work at her, which totally stressed her as she was already overwhelmed.

Anyway, she ended up at CAMHS where they said they suspected ADHD but too mild for a full blown diagnosis.

I don’t even think if I’d been tutored by Einstein from day one I’d ever be good at maths.

Dad taught maths at uni 🤣. DS just always ‘got’ numbers and would shout out house numbers from his pram. He still finds them interesting. I remember dad having a discussion with someone about 0 🤯

OK, she's in Reception, just started in fact. Remember that at that age, there will be children who have turned 5 this week, and others that were only 3 years old a few weeks ago. At this age that even 6 months is a massive proportion of their life, and so it's not a good idea to compare with others. It's really too young to tell - DD was obviously quite precocious, but though she's in top sets, she plateaued aged about 8-10 seems to be developing again now. DS is younger and frankly we thought he wasn't too bright for a very long time. Now he's considered "extremely bright" by school.

This may sound counter-intuitive at first, but: Growth mindset and resilience is one of the best things you can give her. This means encouraging her not to get upset about when she gets things wrong, but sees them as opportunities to grow. Praise effort rather than success. Otherwise you end up with a perfectionist child terrified to try something hard in case they get it wrong. Show her how you get things wrong and that it's ok, and then pick yourself back up and try again. In real life it's often that resilience that leads to success.

Books and reading. And talk about what's in them, ideas etc. Eat your evening meal together, at the table if you have one, and talk about life, ideas etc. They start picking up all sorts at school, and you can turn a lot of things into a "teachable moment". If you don't know the answer, that's fine - excellent even, because you can show her how to research answers in books, library, online. Above all make reading fun. A child can grow up in a tiny flat with no resources, but the world will open up for them through books if they love reading. Once they're reading chapter books you would not believe how much random information goes in their brains and sticks.

Maths - as others have said, baking, looking for numbers out and about. Any opportunity to use numbers in real life. Car numberplate, door numbers, lift buttons, anything. Also we found the Little Orchard boardgames were good for reinforcing maths learning in a fun way as well as things like Snakes and Ladders.

Learning through play - give them scissors, glue sticks, boxes, paper etc and let them create. It's good for problem solving, creativity, and the fine motor control they'll need for handwriting.

Admittedly hard at present, but when you know what the topics are at school, talk about them, visit related sites - museums are often free. If not you can explore many online now.

Above all, love, encouragement and support from you, and that sounds like you're already on it. But do remember to show your love for her whether she gets all her spellings right, or gets them wrong. The key is the unconditional love. If you show her education is important and she can see you reading etc... that will make so much difference. But if she knows she has a safe and loving base, she will also have the courage to spread her wings.

Experience - 2 DC at primary, but I also mentor bright but disadvantaged teenagers, and I've seen how much parental engagement and encouragement can help. Even now you can talk to her about university, how it's like a big school for older children, where they can study the thing they like best - so she knows it's an option. She doesn't have to go, not everyone is suited, but let her know it's an option for her.

I forgot "raisin maths" a great favourite of my children. Adding and subtracting, dividing etc... groups of raisins, and every now and then they get to subtract 3 and eat them.

I remember being on a long train journey with a mum doing gummy bear colours and maths! My kind of maths!

Reading and conversation. Language and literacy are essential for all subjects.

@SerenityNowwwww Ssshhh! Don't tell my DC about gummy bear maths! They've heard rumours of chocolate maths, but it's all lies, all lies I tell you.

@luckystarmaking

My DD just started reception and I'm already concerned that she might be behind especially in maths.

She can recognise all letters, a few words and can write a couple of 3 letter words but when it comes to maths all she can do is count to 20-25 (sometimes she forgets the order from 12-20) and she can just do basic adding. She also uses her fingers to count and I read that that method doesn't help with mental arithmetic.

We've done a lot of print out activities in maths but it hasn't really gone in yet.

I really want her to do well in life as I had a crap upbringing and suffered from a poor education. I'm a cleaner, but hey ho.

If your child is gifted, what have you done right? Any tips?

A gifted child is one in a million and that's great for them but what you really want in a child who LIKES learning. To get one of those I believe you have to take the pressure off.

She is a baby, in some countries she wouldn't even be going to school yet! You are her mother so act like that rather than trying to be her teacher. Have activities she will like (counting sweets? reading baking packets to find out what to do?) but honestly just chill.

My daughter (teenager now) has been consistently top of her class since beginning school. She isn't gifted, she just has a thirst to know stuff and enjoys working hard and receiving praise - she is proud of her work. I had her "help me" by reading stuff to me from a young age. I played with her. We read a line each of a storybook. She would help me cook or tell me what road signs said or shop names or as I suggested previously she would share things out and I would ask her questions and encourage her to ask them too. It was constant but it was never sitting down and filling in worksheets.

As for being a cleaner, some of the smartest people I know clean. I have 1 GCSE. Sometimes being intelligent and having qualifications don't go hand in hand

I know there is a lot of focus on the reading which is great. I just want to put it out there not all kids like it. Ours hates it and can’t read particularly well in y2. Although I suspect he can read more than he lets on. He seems to be able to write lovely stories. He is extremely bright ( his school report talks about his mathematician brain). Instead of forcing him to read and turning into a daily fight we focused on reading stories to him instead, card games, lots of playing with lego etc. Plus we are very active and have lots of outdoor play.
I think in reception outdoor play is incredibly important. I take them straight to the park after school at least twice a week.

@Carycy

I know there is a lot of focus on the reading which is great. I just want to put it out there not all kids like it. Ours hates it and can’t read particularly well in y2. Although I suspect he can read more than he lets on. He seems to be able to write lovely stories. He is extremely bright ( his school report talks about his mathematician brain). Instead of forcing him to read and turning into a daily fight we focused on reading stories to him instead, card games, lots of playing with lego etc. Plus we are very active and have lots of outdoor play. I think in reception outdoor play is incredibly important. I take them straight to the park after school at least twice a week.

I thought my yr 2 hated reading as well. Turned out he needed glasses and "hated it" because he couldn't do it

Yeah that’s something I looked into. Had his eyesight tested and it is fine.

She never had to revise for exams so she has a fairly lax attitude to discipline

Sounds like one of the top boys in DS primary school (was labelled as G&T). Sailed through GCSEs, bombed AS levels as he had no idea how to study (which knocked Oxbridge on head), scraped good enough A levels for a decent uni but hated it, came out with 2.2. He and his mum blame the lecturers, would never accept he is lazy.

He has never done a days work, no interest in a PT job, no volunteering, has spent the last year since uni in his bedroom teaching himself a profession and hoping for a career in a top company 😳.

I used to feel jealous that everything came so easy to him compared to my DS (who was still doing fine).

But now, at 22....DS just got a 1st in a STEM subject from a good uni, had a brilliant year out in a very niche industry, has lots of work experience and volunteering, and currently doing a retail job whilst he applies for graduate jobs.

Unfortunately the niche industry, which he is desperate to go back to, has been severely Covid affected. Still, he is not sitting waiting for them to recover, but accepts that he has to pursue a different career path and may join them later in life.

Like many job applications these days, graduates need to pull on experience from work experience, volunteering etc to get through the applications, even DS sometimes struggles, so goodness knows how the gifted boy would cope (although I suspect he hasn’t yet attempted any applications!)

Sometimes being gifted is not the blessing it may seem at primary school. Yes learning and exams come easy to them, but they are only part of what is required to be a well rounded adult.

Your daughter sounds like she’s doing just fine for her stage. I would see where her natural interests lie and encourage her in those areas. There are lots of good ideas on this thread for developing children academically. It’s important to appreciate her where she’s at though.

I remember watching a programme where a psychologist trained parents how to encourage their children at play. Play is very important for all types of development. The child was drawing a house. They taught the parents to say things like - I see you have drawn 3 windows or, I love the red walls. They discouraged comments like - where’s the chimney then? The point being to note (without over-the-top praising) what is already being done successfully, rather than pointing out deficiencies or imposing your own ideas on the child.

It’s not how intelligent you are that counts though, it’s what you do with the intelligence you have.

I was an academically gifted child. However I can also see that looking at some of the posts above, my parents put a lot of effort at home into making sure that this was developed and not wasted.

I work with lots of bright people who didn't do well at school because they didn't have great support at home and so ended up in low value careers. Yes you can start again in later life but not everyone does.

Things that were normal in my house:
Everyone reading books
Thinking school was fun and learning was good
Doing activities with both parents that snuck education in - baking and following a recipe, working out numbers, fractions, or my dad doing DIY and measuring things
Going to museums - children's activities or just going with my parents
When I went through the 'Why?' stage my parents gave me the answer
Sitting down for evening meal and discussing the news
Massive encouragement of hobbies - not endless paid activities but craft, gardening, going for walks and naming wildlife sort of hobbies
Loads of board games with parents, card games, lego

Later on - I always had a job. So having to work for a living did not come as a shock.

My DM had been an au pair for some highly intellectual families in Hampstead. I think she thought everyone parented like this

I now ask my DH 'but didn't you go to x museum''don't you know what this butterfly is' and despite him coming from actually a posher background than me and also being gifted he looks at me like I'm weird.

Another teacher vote for reading.

Children acquire maths skills and understanding by first using concrete things, so 1:1 counting with actual objects, fingers, walking down stairs etc. They then move to pictorial representations eg counting all the food pictures in a book such as The Very Hungry Caterpillar. They eventually move on to abstract counting. Ie, mental maths.
Lots of people think children can ‘count’ if they are just saying numbers. They are not.
So, they need lots and lots of practical experiences of counting.

Giftedness is not genetic. I recommend the books ‘not in your genes’ by Oliver James, ‘bounce’ by Matthew Syed and you could take a look at the new book by the mother of the Kenneth-masons, called house of music.

It comes down to opportunity, purposeful practice and, depending on what it is, parental sacrifice/dedication. The child will need a genuine interest but as the James book shows that can be fostered in positive ways (the Polgar chess champions) and less positive (tiger woods).

You can’t force it, but you can help it along.

My most academic child has always had a huge thirst for knowledge. Asking questions from a really young age that I couldn't answer (about gravity, how planes work, how clouds are formed etc) Once they could read (which wasn't really early, as they didn't start school till year 1) they were off - reading everything, absorbing facts, asking questions. They also had some great teachers who loved that they wanted to know everything.

They read lots of fiction and non-fiction. Lots of science and maths stuff for fun. Also watched stuff on tv that helped them (Horrible Histories fostered a huge love of history) as well as the normal kids stuff.

They are now doing A levels in maths, physics, chemistry and history at a selective sixth form.

I would say, your daughter is young. Read to her, talk to her about the world around her. Go on walks, encourage a love of the outdoors and nature, point out interesting houses/buildings, find out about their history, make her think about things. Do baking, gardening, have fun. That's what I've done with all mine.

You cannot make a child gifted (as gifted is just that: a gift). However, you can significantly improve their education by cementing and keeping on top of basics. Eg (not for your child now, but later in infants) you will see kids starting to learn times tables. They then repeat this process year after year: years 3-6 repeatedly then again in secondary if still not learnt. My kids learnt all tables religiously in Y3 and then they never had to revisit this learning.

Basics are the toolkit of everything. Cement the basics over and over and over and then what they learn on top will come easier.

For GCSE they learn moments: ie there’s a force of 80N that is 3m from a pivot point. If the child has not got 8x3 at their fingertips and the fact that a zero needs to be put on, they’ll have to waste time with that calculation rather than learning about moments.

Basics go a very long way so I would do them every day. 5-10 mins per day is better than a big session once per week.

Whatever your child is learning now, cement it. It’s too long since my dc were in reception but I’d assume it’s some sort of phonics/counting. Get smarties. Have her sort them and count each colour and then compare: if there are 5 reds and 7 yellows, how many more yellows are there? Eat them if correct. Bribery is key! And try not to make it boring.

My eldest came out super smart. I wouldn’t say she is Mensa gifted but top level expected at GCSE etc.
As a tiny baby she was so alert and I read, read, read to her for something to do way before I could tell if she was enjoying the book like from a tiny baby. I’d take her hand to turn the page etc.
Also I had a CD of nursery rhymes which we sang and listened to over and over with me mouthing the words (honestly I sound crackers) really it was just something to do I wasn’t trying to hot house her.
But she could read, write and understand basic maths early.
Honestly think some of it is how she was born but I think the reading and rhymes helped her along.
So now at Reception age just make reading fun cuddle up after school with a biscuit and milk make it a pleasure. Do some simple counting stuff you can buy those books online for any age with stickers etc.
Don’t need to go mad just do a little boost at home.
All children have different gifts so don’t stress my youngest couldn’t give a stuff she likes art and reading but isn’t that fussed about school.

Another thing - even if you didn't do well at school and possibly hated it, your children don't necessarily need to know that.

My DF used to help me with my Maths homework and told me Maths was his favourite subject.

It was only when we were clearing out his shed when I was doing my Further Maths A Level that we found his O Level Maths certificate- I can't remember the grade now but it was definitely a fail. He'd done it in the Armed Forces after completely failing to get any qualifications at school, and had then done just enough to get going on his Forces career.

However for years he never told me 'Maths is hard' or 'I was no good at Maths'. We just did my homework together.

Both my parents hadn't had the opportunity to do well at school but they always were clear that this was just because of circumstances in their lives, not because school was crap, or you didn't need to concentrate.