Funeral for teens

[bobajobmum]

My Dad has recently died and the funeral is Monday. I have 2DS'S 13 & 16 who have never attended a funeral, but want to go for their lovely Granddad. They are both nervous about the service etc, despite my explanation of proceedings,and whether they should be wearing 'funeral suitable' clothing. One is a bit hip the other lives in shorts and t-shirts.

Do i make them dress as i suppose is more accepted, or let them go as they feel comfortable to help them feel more relaxed about it all?

Just to say my lovely Dad wouldn't give a a flying fig and would just be touched they came.
TIA

I think learning to dress appropriately for an occasion is part of growing up

They are grieving their grandad!

I think everyone should wear black to an elderly persons funeral as a sign of respect.

I'm sorry you've lost your Dad.

I am from a big extended family, at that age where all the older relations are dying off. We've had a LOT of funerals. Older children and teenagers attend them.

We have a 'celebrating the life' theme and upbeat dress code and nobody wears black. Teenagers wear smart casual and look terrific.

13 and 16 are old enough to understand about dressing respectfully, whatever that means in your family.
I'd encourage your DDs to wear something smart and dignified. It's still warm enough to wear pretty summer dresses and sandals.
Your immediate family will get a lot of attention so your girls will want to look their best and do Granddad proud.

(As you'll know, they will need a bag each to carry tissues, a non-fizzy cold drink and hand wipes.)

Sadly my ds (13) lost his grandmother recently. He was dressed appropriately for the funeral: dark shirt, black tie and black jeans with black Vans shoes.

In my opinion teenages should understand that for certain occasions they need to put their style aside.

I wouldn't expect them to wear school uniform as some have suggested , they'd feel odd

Smart jeans and a shirt would be fine

Mine have wore their school black trouser and white shirt (no logo etc) to a couple of funerals. They didn't wear the tie or blazer. They looked appropriate for the situation.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

I'm a bit of traditionalist when it comes to funerals. It is not about your DSs - it's about your DGF, and chief mourners. I can't imagine any universe where jeans are appropriate.

My DSs wore school uniform to DM's funeral - one kept his school tie, the other opted for a black tie. DDs who were younger, wore muted coloured clothing. The only clothes we bought were 3 black ties.

I'm from Scotland, but live in England. I am always amazed at the lack of black ties or muted colours in English funerals.

The exception is when you are asked to wear bright colours.

Being a vicar I take a lot of funerals. In the main young people tend to look tidy (school trousers/dark trousers/dark jeans) and a white school shirt. Sometimes they wear a full on suit.
The only times I have seen them.wesr casual clothes is when everyone else had too. It doesn't bother me as the celebrant what people wear but there may be expectations from other family members.

Regarding the service I am always happy to let people know (young or otherwise) exactly what happens, the order I will do things and why etc. People often ask me what will happen so don't be afraid to ask your celebrant.

Sorry, just reread my post, sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss. Others have given good suggestions but the main thing to remember is for them to wear something that strikes a balance between what your dad would have wanted and what they're comfortable in

I've seen a few kids at funerals in their school uniform, it was smart and they felt comfortable.

Just make sure you're near and if you have to do a reading or anything there's someone to hold their hand or place a hand on their shoulder.

Try to sell it , sorry weird phrase, as a celebration of his life and accomplishments.

I hope all goes well. X

Dark & semi-smart; jeans OK, but not ripped.
Dark or white top - no bright colours or patterns.

I've been to lots of funerals and have never worn black, I usually go for muted colours. We had three family funerals last year, ds wore navy chinos and a navy or grey polo shirt/jumper.

Hi,thanks for everyone's input and good wishes. I think you've confirmed what i originally felt, so think it'll be school trousers and a shirt.
We are travelling a distance so think they can change before and after into their usual stuff for comfort.
Thanks again.

@DidoAtTheLido everyone who goes to a funeral is grieving, are you saying a 16 year can't br expected to conform to general society expectations because they are sad? I don't think that's true at all.

I'm from Scotland, but live in England. I am always amazed at the lack of black ties or muted colours in English funerals.

And I’m not from an English Christian culture and it wouldn’t occur to us to wear black. You go to a funeral as you are, jeans, formal, anything goes it’s about being there. Clothes don’t feature, you just make sure you’ve got a warm jacket and boots if you don’t want to get muddy during the burial

Sorry for your loss! My lovely dad died a couple of months ago and it was my children's first funeral (that they can remember). I wanted them to be comfy but smartish - my dad wouldn't have cared and we were all wearing cheerful clothes. My sporty grungy 12 yr old wore a navy wide legged jumpsuit and sandals. My son 7 yrs wore navy shorts, plimsolls and a navy/red shirt.

I hope it goes well!