Cat is making me miserable and want to leave home.

[Libertyfree]

Recently got a cat as DC wanted one for a long time. I suffer from OCD and thought I’d manage but it’s brought on a full blown attack. Feel like everything is contaminated in the house, can’t relax, constantly cleaning. Cat is a sweet thing and I’d be sad to have to give it away. But I feel so miserable and tearful the whole time. Hardly concentrated on any work (at home).
I’ve had OCD since my early 20s and had intensive CBT that helped me get a “normal” life. Since then there have been couple of flare ups but nothing like this. Really don’t know what to do.

Early days I know. 10 days. But I feel it’s my precautionary measures that are keeping me “safe”.

Does someone else sort the cat poo out? That's the only way you get toxoplasmosis. And if you wash your hands well after, it washes off.

I still think you should prioritise your mental health, the cat can go, it's really ok to not be ready

I had ocd as a teen (from about 13 onwards) , it didn't fully leave me until 21ish. But when I left school at 18 it got miles better. And then slowly improved after that until it went completely.

I think removing the main stressor is the most important thing. But: that may not be the cat. I Germs might be your trigger (it was mine too) ...but even that isn't necessarily the stressor.

I look back and realise I was ocd because I didn't have control elsewhere. I was horribly unhappy and trapped and bullied at school. That was my main stressor.

If there is something making you feel really trapped or unhappy then maybe look at addressing that. That being said, this might be harder to do while the cat is about, exasperating things.

Perhaps you are just naturally stressy and the therapy helps with that but just thought it was worth suggesting that if there is a main stressor - do whatever you can to change it. Eg: if you dont like your job and it makes you miserable, change jobs.

I understand though that for some, ocd is lifelong and a condition to be managed, not overcome. But don't lose heart, if I can do it, so can anyone. Don't beat yourself up too much if you ultimately choose to give up the cat. Your mental health is what is most important.

Is it just toxoplasmosis that worries you? Because that’s actually an easy risk to manage. As long as the litter tray is cleaned within 24 hours of the cat using it then there is no risk of infection.

You can get antibody testing for toxoplasmosis. You'd have to pay though. If you have the antibodies would that calm you? Although if you don't have the antibodies it might stress you further. Having battled mental health difficulties myself, it isn't losing to just stop fighting. I'd let the cat be rehomed. OCD isn't a sentient being, it doesn't know if it has beaten you. You've won if you wake up in the morning having slept well and being able to relax (and focus) in your own home.

My cat actually has toxoplasmosis & we're okay in our house. You wouldn't even know the difference, if she hadn't been under vet care for other things. If that makes you feel any better.
Poor cats get such a bad rep.

Oh god I swerve from one Decision to another.

1. I could get CBT and see if I feel more comfortable living with cat, but risk is everyone gets more attached and harder to give away if I can’t cope.
2. just give it up now, let my OCD “win” and make everyone miserable.
3. can’t think of another.

I do feel for you op, I'm also under pressure to get one and I'm also thinking about the side issues!
However I think it could be heart breaking for the dc to give it away.
If I were you I'd try and get help again before giving away the cat.
It's going to be difficult for the dc it really is.. Having a pet is more than just a pet!

Also sorry to be blunt op, but how do the dc cope with your ocd?.
I know family member who has massive issues around anxiety and cleaning and her dc have suffered.
They could be thinking your ok and it's a relief..

So far I’ve done a pretty good job of hiding my ocd. It’s been pretty under control and have been able to lead a relatively normal life so not been that obvious to others. I think because I’ve been so well I thought I could cope with a cat. I really don’t know what I was thinking. I get stressed when a cat walks across my patio let alone having one in the house. I do feel so sorry for cat as I’m not able to give it cuddles and love it needs. I go and stroke her and play for a few minutes before retreating to “safety” of kitchen.
It’s just heartbreaking. I cry everyday.

, OP. I’ve had OCD since childhood and I’m also a long-term cat owner. The cats were never a trigger until I had my DD - my OCD had never even centred on germs or contamination. So the effect on my mental health of OCD plus a baby in the house completely blindsided me. I kept the cats and eventually things got better, although probably not until DD was in preschool and coming into contact with all sorts of germs anyway. I might have rehomed the cats if my parents hadn’t guilt-tripped me so aggressively into keeping them *, so I don’t know whether it was the right choice or not.

• Yeah, I know it was none of their business but I find it very hard to maintain boundaries with my family when I’m in the middle of a bad patch with my OCD.

b0redb0redb0red
Do you feel comfortable living with cats now?
I just worry that if I keep her and have therapy to make it manageable I’ll still not get to a completely peaceful life that I had before.

I do live peacefully with them now, yes. I’m actually very fond of the little blighters. But there’s no single way of experiencing OCD so it’s absolutely ok if you don’t feel you can get to that place yourself.

Why not try some medication. You might find it really helps you.

I’d prefer not to have medication if I can help it.
Another paranoid phobia thing - worry about side effects.

I understand that. But it could be life changing. Any side effects wear off after a few days. Although you say you can hide it from your kids. They will be aware of it. Children pick up on a lot. And giving away the cat will impact them a lot.

I'd rehome the cat. I don't think it is reasonable to ask you to take psychotropic medication that you would prefer not to take in order to keep a cat.

OP, what happens if you challenge your OCD fears or try to rationalise them? I have 4 cats and they are clean animals, there’s very very little risk of getting ill from them, almost negligible. Could you do some CBT and with some gradual exposure therapy at all?

That being said, I work with people that have severe OCD so I know that might not be possible. Rehoming the cat is not “giving in” to the OCD, home should be your safe haven as much as possible. Your family and the cat will not suffer if you rehome, it and your mental health is important here