Medical professionals saying exercise takes priority over contact

[TheMusclesBrigade]

This situation is complicated but hoping for some advice.

Split with ExH in 2017 due to violence and controlling behaviour. We share a 6 year old DD, whose in year 2.

DD has a number of medical conditions including a problem which affects her muscles. She goes once per week for a lesson. The actual teaching part isn’t important but being in the water stretching her legs, jumping in etc is so the physio recommended lessons to help with that – plus swimming is considered a life skill so she might as well learn to swim while she’s in the pool (physio’s words not mine). DD also does ballet and gymnastics but the physio has said these are less important.

There is a CAO in place which gives ExH contact with DD one night a week and EOW for 24 hours. I planned DDs swimming lesson around the weekday contact. Then about a year ago ExH stopped having DD in week.

ExH now wants DD again in the week, the only day he can now get off work is the night DD does swimming. I have told him she has to do the swimming so he can take her while we wait for a space on another night, but ExH has said he will not take her as he doesn’t want to be in a changing room with young children in a state of undress in case someone thinks badly of him (the time she goes are for the 4-8 year olds and the class immediately after starts is for 6-10 year olds so lots of young children). I told him he won’t be the only dad there but he’s insisting that she drop swimming until a place comes up on another night. The wait for a place on another night can vary but they’re expecting it to be 18 months or so because DD has a place that she can take up so is further down the list than children who are not having lessons anywhere.

If I stop DDs lessons even for a few weeks she will be in considerable pain.

ExH is now taking me back to court to insist that he sees her on that specific night and she not go swimming. Physio has written a letter addressed to the courts which states that unless it becomes financially unviable then DD must go swimming at least once a week. I also have the email from the leisure centre which states she’s on the waiting list for a place on another night but that the wait will be long.

The swimming has also helped other areas of her development and DD absolutely loves going. She would see it as a punishment to be stopped from going and wouldn’t understand why.

Does anyone know if the courts will insist she sees her dad on that night or whether the swimming will take priority? My solicitor seems to think it could go either way

Have posted this here for traffic

Urgh what a difficult man so sorry you have to deal with that ! Is there family changing at the pool ? I would get her physio to do a report and maybe your solicitor to re negotiate days. This is about control and bugger all to do with him wanting to see his daughter.

It can always go either way because it depends ultimately on the decision of the Judge.

Could you come up with a compromise if the swimming changing rooms are the issue. A lot of pools say a child has to be beach ready. Could she get changed before she goes? Big towel hoodie over the top. She swims. Hoodie back on and changes at home.

Could he meet you after the lesson and take her from there?

I’m not sure the letter will hold any weight to be honest, it only says she has to go swimming once a week (and even that only says if can be avoided so arguably says it’s not essential) not that she has to go to a lesson or that specific lesson.

It’s rubbish and he sounds like an arse but I’m not sure where you will stand legally if that is the only time he can do due to work

@GreenGoldRed

It can always go either way because it depends ultimately on the decision of the Judge.

Could you come up with a compromise if the swimming changing rooms are the issue. A lot of pools say a child has to be beach ready. Could she get changed before she goes? Big towel hoodie over the top. She swims. Hoodie back on and changes at home.

She goes straight from school and it's already tight for time to get her changed and in the pool in time. The changing rooms are open and cleaned regularly.

It might be worth making the point that the only reason he has to discontinue her existing (and entirely suitable) swimming lessons is his disinclination to take her. As you have evidence from professionals that there is a strong medical/wellbeing reason for her, and the leisure centre that you cannot currently swop, you might find that the court takes a dim view of his stance as it is not in her interests

@Sirzy

Could he meet you after the lesson and take her from there?

I’m not sure the letter will hold any weight to be honest, it only says she has to go swimming once a week (and even that only says if can be avoided so arguably says it’s not essential) not that she has to go to a lesson or that specific lesson.

It’s rubbish and he sounds like an arse but I’m not sure where you will stand legally if that is the only time he can do due to work

This is my concern, I might see if the physio can reword the letter slightly but I'm still not sure it'll hold up.

He wants her for the full 2 hours the CAO sets out so he won't pick her up after the lesson. I can see his point, but it's frustrating that I organised around him to start with and now he wants to change it.

So he hasn't had her for a year and now suddenly he wants her to stop doing an activity that she is benefiting greatly from? What an arse! By all rights a judge should till him no, but more often I see contact prioritised over the child themselves. It's like a mans rights are viewed as more important by some judges than a child's wellbeing. Which is so shitty, and is changing, but not quickly enough IMO

@TheMusclesBrigade ok. I only suggest, because the more unreasonable you can show he is being (and this is far more about control rather then your daughter) the better for your position.

So if you can say, “look I noted his concern and offered this sensible alternative” a judge is probably going to say, “so what’s the issue?” to your ex.

What an arse he is! Totally pathetic not to take her swimming himself.

I hope it goes your way.

I've offered him any other night of the week if he won't take her and offered to stop or move her two other activities to accommodate contact but he's saying it has to be that night and he won't be taking her to her swimming lesson.

Id just let him to take you to court if he's that bothered, he won't win- you can't just come back into a child's life after a year and start making demands- especially ones detrimental to the child's health!

@missbipolar

Id just let him to take you to court if he's that bothered, he won't win- you can't just come back into a child's life after a year and start making demands- especially ones detrimental to the child's health!

He's still had her EOW so he's not just walking back in but he's not had her in the week at all for a year.

Sorry no advice to give but what a shithead putting his need above that of his child's (who it sounds like is thriving at her classes).

Update: DD moved up a group and had to go on a different night as they didn't have space, but the judge ruled that DDs medical needs should not be compromised due to contact so either ExH takes her or we arrange a different night. He also got told by the judge to stop being so petty and punishing his DD for our split.

All in all it's a win for DD, as it means she can continue to do what really helps her and should still see her dad.

Great update @TheMusclesBrigade, glad you got a sensible judge and at least he was told and might think twice before going back to court over petty things.