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Feeling like a bad mum tonight

7 replies

mcgonagalscat · 16/09/2020 20:46

My nearly 3yo DS is usually brilliant at bedtime, but tonight he wouldn't lie down on his bed. I kept asking him to, he kept smiling back and saying no. I tried to be positive and say what a good boy he had been all day, but that didn't work. So then I said I'd take his teddies away to sleep someone else if he kept ignoring me. He kept smiling and saying no. I got more and more cross as my 6mo son was crying and hungry, my dinner was going cold downstairs, and nothing I said worked.

I left the room again to calm down, and then when I felt calm went back in and acted angry and whipped him up in my arms and lay him down in bed and pulled the quilt over him, telling him he had made me very cross. He cried and fell asleep.

I feel exhausted and sad that he's gone to bed thinking he's not getting any toys for his bday next week, that I'm super cross, and that he cried himself to sleep. We've not had this defiance before and it really makes you feel shitty doesn't it? Husband is out at work so just feeling overwhelmed and sad and nobody to talk to Sad

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espressoontap · 16/09/2020 20:53

Go and give him a kiss and tell him you love him. Even if he's asleep, he will know you've been in. I've had moments like this, 3 yr olds are a breed of their own so you have my sympathy. My son made me cry the other night, so my husband put him to bed, the next morning he apologised and gave me a kiss and cuddle. Don't be hard on yourself.

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Spindlicious · 16/09/2020 20:53

You were a great mum. You calmed down and went back when you’re emotions were in check. Amazingly hard to do. Don’t let mum guilt get you doubting yourself. A telling off at bedtime and some tears won’t scar him for life.

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Byallmeans · 16/09/2020 20:54

Tomorrow is another day! Honestly there were points over the summer lock down I was like a screaming skull.

Give him a big cuddle in the morning bright and cheery and move on.

I’ve started bed time 30 mins earlier as by 7:30 I was done for the day and my nerves frazzled. No patience left at all. So bringing the bedtime routine 30 mins earlier meant I still had a tiny bit of patience left if they were playing up and I wouldn’t lose my shit so easily. Why don’t you try that so you’ve got a bit of wiggle room especially if your other dc is wanting to be fed at a certain time.

Don’t be so hard on yourself - no one is Mary Poppins all the time Brew

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legalseagull · 16/09/2020 21:13

I'm obviously a harsh mum as I think you handled it perfectly! He's a loved child who is pushing boundaries but has been shown that mum has the final say. Toddlers do cry when they're made to do something they don't want. He listened, lay down and slept! Well done! No harm done. In the morning you go in all cheery. Big cuddles.

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Stompythedinosaur · 17/09/2020 00:17

It will have blown over by the morning. I used to keep my baby in sling while doing toddler bedtime as it is hard to predict how long it will take, and not start cooking until after (or eat with the dc and maybe have a snack later). Basically, don't rely on a 3yo not to throw your timings! It is easier to stay calm then.

I personally don't think there is a lot of point in threats too big or to far in the future, they won't make any difference to a dc that age. No point in taking cuddly toys away either, particularly if they are comfort items. I found it more effective just to be boring and keep putting them back into bed.

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PuddleglumtheMarshWiggle · 17/09/2020 08:41
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PuddleglumtheMarshWiggle · 17/09/2020 08:43

Sorry, hoped to get the picture. Try again

Feeling like a bad mum tonight
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