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Stuck in a major rut and depressed

11 replies

Kk80 · 16/09/2020 03:18

I just dont know what to do.

34 and 3 DC. DD is 8 and have 2 DSs who are just 5 and nearly 3. Older 2 are at full time school and DS2 goes to nursery 5 mornings a week.

Broke up with my partner of 7 years 6 months ago- we weren't feeling the spark anymore and decided it was the right thing to do while we could still be friends and co parent together without it causing too much distress to the kids.

I cant fault him really- he has been and still is like a Dad to DD and always has been. Her dad has never been involved, one night stand and blocked me as soon as I told him. My parents even disowned me over it.

I dont regret my child for one minute but at the same time I feel like I made a massive mistake. I had a good upbringing, parents were financially supportive etc and while there was some emotional and physical abuse there the things I have seen lately have opened my eyes a bit more. There is still things I will never forgive them for but I feel....stuck.

Lost my job last year, totally knocked my confidence and got job just before lockdown, lockdown happened and now the business is struggling so I am working no more than 8 hours a week. As I said exP is supportive and will look after all 3 DC last minute if I am called into work of a evening.

I want to go back to university. I'm sick of being skint. I've ended up living in a shithole part of town and I'm surrounded by people who are drug users/dealers, people who just have no desire to do anything (and I do feel sorry for them even though I know some of them I shouldn't)

I dont have any friends and no family. Aside from work my only contact with someone properly is my exP and it's totally destroying my confidence. I live as I said surrounded by people I have nothing in common with.

I'm depressed and I know I am. I've been on anti Ds before and had therapy but it didn't help

I just dont want to be alone anymore

OP posts:
RepeatSwan · 16/09/2020 03:27

Goodness you sound really upset Flowers.

There's a lot in your post when I read it, three children (hard work!), a break up, job change/loss of earnings, lack of friends, unhappy with where you live, historic family issues. I think that's a lot, so it's not surprising you're a bit knocked.

I don't know what to suggest, I'm rubbish at advice, but I did want to acknowledge how much you've got on your plate.

Which is your priority to change first - where you live or your career?

Kk80 · 16/09/2020 03:59

Unfortunately I'm pretty much stuck here unless I change my career. It's all I can afford and that is with help from exP on top of my wages and universal credit. I'm literally scrapping by every month. I cant afford treats for my DC and I only have about £60 saved up for Christmas and its DSs birthday before then so it will probably be spent on that. I feel like shit.

OP posts:
RepeatSwan · 16/09/2020 04:08

Sounds like you would have to increase earnings first then.

I had a really awful period, life had gone all wrong, was very anxious etc. My counselor said to me one day that instead of thinking about what I couldn't do, to work out what I could do and make the very best of that.

So with the birthday/Christmas, how much could you get together? And how far can you make it go?

I've also been really skint, it is awful, but it can end. Also if you are very clever, the children don't have to notice too much. Flowers

OhioOhioOhio · 16/09/2020 04:11

Yes. You deserve your pity party for just now. You are having a tough time. What would you like to study?

Kk80 · 16/09/2020 04:22

I was thinking nursing/midwifery but I'm squeamish over blood so probably not the best. I want a job where I can help make a difference to peoples lives and make a difference. That's all I know so far.

OP posts:
RepeatSwan · 16/09/2020 04:25

I'm sorry you feel like shit, I should have said that in my post above.

OhioOhioOhio · 16/09/2020 04:47

What about teaching?

Kk80 · 16/09/2020 14:24

I'm thinking about social work but need to research some more.

Literally gone back to bed after dropping the kids off. Just feel so fed up and depressed and like I cant do anything right

OP posts:
Michaelschofield · 16/09/2020 14:35

Bless you . I feel you . I recommend going to uni . It will give you a sense of achievement and also earning potential. good luck .

Iw24wImI · 16/09/2020 18:40

What about working as a teaching assistant? X

PurpleSneakers · 16/03/2021 06:03

I know it has been a little while, but how are you getting on Kk80?

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