Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

If you agonized over having a third child, what did you decide in the end?

35 replies

ConfusedPanda · 15/09/2020 14:01

And are you happy with the decision or do you have regrets?

I have two wonderful DC aged 4 and 1. If we had a third child I'd be 36/37ish probably as I would want an age gap of around 2 or 2.5 years. We keep going round in circles and can't decide whether to go for it or not!

OP posts:

TheMildManneredMilitant · 15/09/2020 20:52

We agonized too and eventually went for it. It felt like a very selfish thing to do actually, risking my own health again and taking attention away from the older two. I still did it because I worried I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't, plus I wasn't in a great place after had lost close family members and I think subconsciously I was trying to rebuild our family.
I can't say it was the wrong decision but it wasn't like the down sides just disappeared, even though he is scrumptious. Feeling how I do now I would be happy with two - except I only feel like that because of taking that decision in the first place and actually experiencing life with 3.
Sorry that probably doesn't help!

OverTheRubicon · 15/09/2020 20:57

Agonised over a third, went ahead. The positive is that ds2 (dc3) is and was easy, cheerful and a delight, and his older siblings adore him and he them.

One downside was that after 2 previous easy pregnancies and at only 34 my body had enough, physically I was pretty wrecked and had a prolapse that still is an issue nearly 3 years on.

Major downside was that it was all too much for my husband, who has now moved out. I'm alone with three small DCs, and while I would never ever unwish dc3, I would say to others to make sure your relationship is rock solid, because I'm in a pretty shit place.

SillyCow6 · 15/09/2020 21:00

I wouldnt let that age put you off. However do look really seriously at finances. People think babies are expensive but they really arent compared to teenagers. Also think about any delays it puts on careers, would you need a bigger house and can you afford it, same with cars, will you be able to afford a holiday/trip away etc etc

We stuck at 2 and it was a hard decision at the time but actually I am so glad we didnt have another. We are so lucky and so happy as we are

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Families

LuaDipa · 15/09/2020 21:00

I always wanted a third but we didn’t think we could afford to give three everything we wanted to so we decided to stick with two. As it turns out, we could quite easily have afforded another but I’m 41 and my youngest is 12 so we’ve missed our chance now.

2020cansuckit · 15/09/2020 21:09

@TheMildManneredMilitant

We agonized too and eventually went for it. It felt like a very selfish thing to do actually, risking my own health again and taking attention away from the older two. I still did it because I worried I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't, plus I wasn't in a great place after had lost close family members and I think subconsciously I was trying to rebuild our family. I can't say it was the wrong decision but it wasn't like the down sides just disappeared, even though he is scrumptious. Feeling how I do now I would be happy with two - except I only feel like that because of taking that decision in the first place and actually experiencing life with 3. Sorry that probably doesn't help!

I could have written this!

TheMildManneredMilitant · 15/09/2020 21:15

2020cansuckit I was going to say the same for yours!

DramaAlpaca · 15/09/2020 21:20

I really wanted a third child, DH would've been happy to stick at two. I got my way, because DH knew I'd regret it forever if we didn't have another. So I had a third baby and that was it, the broodiness went away and my family felt complete.

jennytheonionslayer · 15/09/2020 21:20

We had the third, she's 12 now and one of the most extraordinary people I have ever met.

rhowton · 15/09/2020 21:20

We decided for my husband to have the snip after our 2nd because we knew we couldn't afford more than two, and have a great life. I also knew I 100% would want more and having the snip meant that I knew we couldn't. If we won the lottery, then we would reverse the snip, but realistically, our salaries will never be high enough for three in private school with two holidays a year. So that was our decision made.

Original poster

ConfusedPanda · 16/09/2020 08:08

Those of you who decided against and your DH got the snip, you are brave! I can imagine reaching a point where we decide to stick at two, but I can't imagine being certain enough about it to take that step. Maybe it will come though.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2