Toddler sleep - or lack of- help

[ElectricEels]

Someone please help me sort out my toddler's horrific sleep.

She's 2.5 and every bedtime is a horrific battle of tantrumming and total refusal to get into bed. She eventually ends up crashing out either in bed or most often on her bedroom floor.

She wakes up between 1 and 5 times a night and is instantly awake screaming and takes ages to settle, often she appears asleep and then is awake crying as soon as we try to leave her room.

We have a solid bedtime routine, it never changes. We sit with her until she's asleep.
She stopped napping a while back but now has started again, she naps 1-2pm usually and we go up to bed at 7pm.

I looked at sleep training to get her to fall asleep independently to stop the night waking but many of the techniques rely on them getting into bed in the first place and she just won't.

I've tried lavender/moshi stories/white noise/red light and many more things but nothing seems to help and we just have just ended up with a convoluted bedtime routine.

What do I do?

Following as I've just had a horrific bedtime with my 2&4.5 year old!! Just got them both to sleep finally (after 90 mins 😱) rocking the smallest whilst sitting on the eldest's bed! I tried to leave the room once and they both followed me bawling their eyes out 😬 the eldest used to fall asleep independently until we put them in together and she realised the youngest (still breastfed) was getting so many snuggles 🙈

This sounds like my DS, he's slightly older and we have just had 5 months of hell with him crying, refusing to go to bed, wanting to be in our bed etc. I think there is a sleep regression at this stage so you may have to wait it out, but what seems to have helped us is.....not responding to any of his pleas - just putting him back in his bed calmly and saying "it's sleepy time now" every time he gets up, a star chart has had some success recently. We also realised he naturally falls asleep at 8pm (we had been putting him down at 7) so we moved bed time slightly later and now he is put in bed at 7.30-8.45 which has helped. Things have improved, but it's still not perfect! Good luck xx

@LeafyGreen333 I might try a star chart.

Toddlers have little control over their wee lives, choosing when they go to sleep is a way they can exercise their independence. So maybe the tantrums and battles are because she is not ready and feels.like she's missing out on something or its become a power struggle?

At the weekend can you try a slightly later bedtime, let her choose as much as possible such as which pyjamas, which story, choose a teddy to hold, as many little choices as possible and then just go really slowly with her leading the bedtime routine. Toddlers hate being rushed! Good luck, I have had 2 non sleepers, neither slept through till after they turned 3 and it is exhausting.

@hemhem I give her choices for everything - shower/bath, which toothbrush, what story etc etc. Also a later bedtime just means she sleeps worse- no idea why though.

Apparently I didn't sleep through until I was 5 so I hope she's quicker than me!

I console myself with the anecdata that poor sleepers are meant to be highly intelligent!!

One other suggestion, do you play naptime and bedtime with her during the day? Put dolls and teddies to bed, pretend to read them a story and so on. Can she take the lead on this imaginative play? Could you play sleeping bunnies and incorporate some songs about sleeping into the day? Watch a youtube clip of the cbeebies goodnight song when all the characters go to sleep? To allow her to connect more with the idea that sleep is nice and fun?

I had a terrible sleeper. He never actually had a nap as a toddler either.
He never went to sleep before 9. We didn't fight it. Once asleep, he rarely woke up during the night and slept through.

Still not a great sleeper at preteen, I think he sleeps far less than other children. But when I started the thread about the worry about the length of sleep on MN, surprizingly many people had similar children.

@hemhem

I console myself with the anecdata that poor sleepers are meant to be highly intelligent!!

One other suggestion, do you play naptime and bedtime with her during the day? Put dolls and teddies to bed, pretend to read them a story and so on. Can she take the lead on this imaginative play? Could you play sleeping bunnies and incorporate some songs about sleeping into the day? Watch a youtube clip of the cbeebies goodnight song when all the characters go to sleep? To allow her to connect more with the idea that sleep is nice and fun?

Brilliant ideas, thank you

@pastandpresent

I had a terrible sleeper. He never actually had a nap as a toddler either. He never went to sleep before 9. We didn't fight it. Once asleep, he rarely woke up during the night and slept through.

Still not a great sleeper at preteen, I think he sleeps far less than other children. But when I started the thread about the worry about the length of sleep on MN, surprizingly many people had similar children.

Definitely think some just need less sleep.

She actually slept through last night

Hooray!! She will probably sleep totally different tonight though

@hemhem yep she's never done it more than once in a row