Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Wedding interruptions?! Speak now....or forever hold your peace!

34 replies

Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 09:20

I was explaining this phrase to my non-UK colleague and how it's usually accompanied by an awkward titter around the church/registry office etc. He asked if I'd ever been at a wedding where someone had spoken up & what happens next. I haven't and I have never heard of it happening... So my question to MN - has anyone ever been at a wedding where there's been a response to the question on any reason why the couple can't marry?? What happened next?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 09:21

I should add - he's getting married this week (not in the UK) so I think I've now unwittingly made him slightly nervous!! Blush

OP posts:
Yesyoudoknowme · 14/09/2020 09:28

Never been to a wedding where someone has said something - but curious now... with all the weddings taking place in places other than churches, is this still asked? Is it only part of a religious ceremony? If you are in a register office with a couple of strangers off the street as witnesses there's no point in asking as there won't be anyone there anyway!

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 14/09/2020 09:31

No and it's not legally necessary to ask this so plenty of people leave it out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
picklemewalnuts · 14/09/2020 09:34

Historically it would come from the people in the church knowing the family history. So banns are read over three sundays, giving locals the opportunity to have a word with the vicar if the two were related (unbeknownst to them) or had a spouse already.

More tradition than anything else, now.

Original poster
Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 09:35

scratches brain back to last wedding
I'm pretty sure it's a legal requirement to ask it, at any wedding service. I seem to remember at a civil service it's "they must declare it now" rather than the more flowery language traditionally used in church. Anyone can in theory attend a wedding, I think? Hence why at least for church weddings the banns are read out in advance so for example Mrs Smith can hear that her cheating BIL who's still legally married to her sister is trying to remarry before the divorce is settled, and she can turn up at the church and give them what for let the vicar know in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 09:35

@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd

No and it's not legally necessary to ask this so plenty of people leave it out.
really?!? I did not realise this!
OP posts:
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 14/09/2020 09:38

I've never been to a wedding where its happened, but I remember there being a thread a few months back and the stories where nothing like in movies/on tv.

The one that really stood out to me was when talked about it being a legal matter and the wedding stopped and the bride and groom had to be taken to seperate rooms to be questioned, iirc the wedding did go ahead but there was a good few hours between.

There were some awkward stories and some funny ones too.

aToadOnTheWhole · 14/09/2020 09:47

My DM is a vicar, it always gets asked and in 20+ years nobody had ever "objected" or not held their peace Grin

It's why the banns have to be read prior to the wedding though, so that if anyone does know why the couple can't be married (legal reasons) then there's time to address and investigate it.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 14/09/2020 09:56

@aToadOnTheWhole

My DM is a vicar, it always gets asked and in 20+ years nobody had ever "objected" or not held their peace Grin

It's why the banns have to be read prior to the wedding though, so that if anyone does know why the couple can't be married (legal reasons) then there's time to address and investigate it.

This.

really?!? I did not realise this!

As aToad writes, the only objection there can be is to the legality of the marriage, and this is dealt with at the time of banns/registry to marry.

You don't have to have this asked at all.

Similarly, a lot of people don't realise that rings are not a legal requirement, either.

Original poster
Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 09:59

@aToadOnTheWhole ah yes I thought that was the case!
I did an intrigued Google and apparently within the Catholic Church acceptable objections include impotence...! That might be an interesting one to reveal at the service...

OP posts:
MrsFionaCharming · 14/09/2020 09:59

When we got married, the vicar asked if we wanted to include it. We chose not to.

DeliaOwens · 14/09/2020 10:35

No, but I was at a wedding where the vicar directed that if there was any sort of Tomfoolery (his words) when he asked that question, he would stop the wedding and he would be legally bound to investigate.
Needless to say, we were all in on very best behaviour.

SonEtLumiere · 14/09/2020 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/09/2020 10:42

We got married with a special licence because of the difficulty of having banns read in time zones with an 8 hour difference (apparently the vicars have to confirm with each other that the banns have been read and nobody has objected). We did have the 'speak now' bit and we weren't offered the opportunity to leave it out, I wonder if it was required because of the lack of banns.

starfish88 · 14/09/2020 11:04

It does have to be a legal reason to stop the wedding for investigation. Things like 'they're brother and sister' or 'the groom is already married...to me'. Things like 'but I still love you' don't count as a reason!

AlexCabot · 14/09/2020 11:11

My mum had a massive sneezing fit at that moment during my brother's wedding.

She assured him and SIL afterwards that it was an allergic reaction to the flowers in the church and not some kind of passive aggressive objection!

Fluffythefish · 14/09/2020 11:25

For Church weddings that are not Church of England (and so no banns read) - the question is optional as notice has been given at the Registry Office in the same way that civil weddings are. So people can have the question or have "due notice of this wedding has been given and no objections have been made". I think objections could still be made up until the vows are completed and the couple are legally married.
I've never had an objection but there was a real threat of one at one wedding and we had everything ready (seperate rooms for the bride, groom and objector and who would go with whom and say what; organist with loads of music to play. Me having me spiel about no real objection being an legal offence - if there is not a verifiable objection in law then it is perjury) but thank the Lord the person did not come to the wedding - and because a wedding is a legal event you can't stop someone coming - and the bride is hopefully still unaware of the background preparation years later.
I have kept the information about what I need to do on file just in case though!

Bwlch · 14/09/2020 11:28

If you are in a register office with a couple of strangers off the street as witnesses there's no point in asking as there won't be anyone there anyway!

Presumably, if somebody did have an objection, they would make a point of attending too.

Elderflower14 · 14/09/2020 11:32

When my banns were being read one Sunday (DH to be at work) One of the church wardens had a coughing fit just as the "if anyone knows" part was being spoken.. I nearly jumped out of my skin!! It was done innocently..

Original poster
Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 11:34

@Fluffythefish oh my goodness! Can you give more details or is it too outing?
I presume a disgruntled ex or family member rather than someone who actually believed there was a legal reason?

OP posts:
Fluffythefish · 14/09/2020 11:43

It wasn't an ex but it was someone disgruntled who wished she had been. No legal reason and if there is that is what the three weeks notice period at the Registry Office is for :)

CarrotVan · 15/09/2020 07:52

At our wedding my niece loudly said "I WANT CHEESE" right at that moment

Original poster
Cavagirl · 15/09/2020 07:57

@CarrotVan

At our wedding my niece loudly said "I WANT CHEESE" right at that moment
GrinGrinGrin
OP posts:
ClarencesMum · 15/09/2020 08:00

In Scotland banns are posted for all weddings outside the registry office.

That's how I found our ky kum was remarrying! I was at school, never read them.in my life, but was waiting outside the town hall and looking through the notice board. Registry office wedding.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 15/09/2020 08:04

DH and I had a fit of the giggles at that point in our (registry office) wedding, because his exW had come and we had joked about her interrupting it (she had been vindictive, it wasn't an amicable divorce as he found her in bed with several different men). When it came to that point, he caught my eye and I couldn't stop laughing.