Baby wont sleep please help

[Esb2807]

My 7 week old daughter will not sleep at night. Nothing will work, white noise, wrapping her up tight, bath routine, lullabys, cuddles, dummy, no matter what i do, she wakes up every 45 minutes during the night. It takes half hour to feed her, half hour to wind her, half hour to get her to go to sleep, then by the time shes asleep shes hungry again within 45 minutes. However she sleeps nice long 3-4 hour stints during the day. My husband wont help at night because he works all day. I cant sleep during the day as i need to wash bottles and do the washing and cook the dinner. I keep it bright in the day and dark at night. What on earth can i do?? Im at my wits end, absolutely exhausted

I know you said you've been wrapping her up tight but have you tried an actual swaddle bag? We got a couple from Tommee Tippee and they were an absolute game changer for us. Our 9 week old now tends to wake just once in the night for a feed. Before, she was up every hour or just didn't sleep at all - she'd get tangled in her blanket and flail her arms and legs about and wake herself up. Now she sleeps really peacefully.

That sounds so tough. I had similar and I co-slept, which I know isn't for everyone but it saved my sanity.

Aside from the sleep issues, you can't do it all. If your DH won't help at night then he needs to be pulling his weight with cooking and cleaning. If baby is having nice long day time naps then for goodness sake get your head down and nap with her! Do the washing whilst she's awake with her in a sling and either leave the cooking for your husband or get super easy stuff to bung in the oven. But more bottles so they get you through the whole day and husband can wash up in the evenings. You need rest :)

Your husband needs to step up and help you out.
During the day try to get a nap if the baby sleeps. Laundry can wait an extra day.
Everyone needs to sleep, things feel much worse when we are tired.

Sleep deprivation is the worst. I also use the tommee tippee grosnugs that pp mentioned and they’re fab. The only other thing that stands out is the burping. I bf so maybe different but half hour to burp sounds like a long time? Mine (11 weeks) is a minute of patting he back whilst upright.

I agree that your DH needs to step up. My DH also has to work so we agreed he would sleep in the spare room but he has to get up early and has DS for a couple of hours before he starts work. I sleep then. Dinner shouldn’t be left to you either. What time does he get home? What does he do all evening if you’re doing everything for the baby?

My husband wont help at night because he works all day.

You work all day as well. Looking after a baby is extremely hard work. He needs to step up.

That sounds awful.

I would definitely speak to your partner. He's not doing enough. Why can't he do 1 night a week for you so you can have a full nights sleep? He needs to help you out. Get him to wash the bottles in the evening.

In the day, I would sleep while she sleeps. I remember everyone saying that with my first and thinking it was such a ridiculous suggestion, but now I have 2 kids under 3 but I'm so tired that I just lie down on the sofa when the baby sleeps and the eldest one potters around by herself. Do the bottles and bugger the house. You can't do everything. In terms of dinner, maybe buy oven meals or easy things like pasta.

I have no idea how you are surviving with those nights. I can't even imagine. The only thing that worked for me was co sleeping, but I know it's not ideal. She just wouldn't sleep any other way. A sleeping bag has helped her to sleep better more recently.

Thank you so much everyone!! Im definitely going to try the tommee tippee grosnug, just ordered one and I’m so excited for it to arrive!!
Keep wondering where im going wrong but i think its just the kind of baby she is, its not going to last for ever right??????

You arent going wrong at all lovely. 2 things (from bitter experience) I would say:

There are some people who will tell you that you need to get baby into a routine - stop the 4 hour sleeps in the day etc. There are LOADS of routines out there and despite what people on here will say, or indeed the authors, none are automatically right. There is not a professionally agreed ideal routine.

You can go down that road if you want to, its entirely up to you.

1. Your other half needs to step up. You need to be able to nap when the baby does. Seriously - this will wreck your mental health and again I speak from experience. He either helps at night or he does the share of cleaning and cooking. Looking after a baby is a full time job. Right now you are doing a full time job 24 hours a day. That isn't sustainable.

Ps. I really hope the swaddle works for you, but dont expect one product to be life changing. I was disappointed so many times

For a start, how much housework can there be? There is oy 2 of you and 1 baby. While the baby is sleeping during the day, you need to sleep too. I know its hard to allow yourself to do that, but you are going to have to do it for your sanity, and your health. Stick a washing on before you go to bed. Hang it up in the morning. At some point in the day through a hoover around, but I can't imagine that will need done every day. Buy load of oven food and tins. Never mind making big dinners, fish fingers and beans etc will do for a while. If your dp wants something else, he can make it. Share washing dishes and bottles at night.

No it won't last forever, it just feels like that while you are living it.

OP you poor sod you're in the thick of it now but this won't last forever. I remember everybody telling me things got better at 12 weeks - honestly I think it depends on the baby, I started seeing an improvement in nighttime sleep by about 8 weeks with both of mine and both were able to manage about 3-4 hours and go back down fairly quickly by 12 weeks or thereabouts. Then it'll get worse again but you'll at least have had some time to recuperate!

As others have said though - you are doing a bloody difficult full time job. Get your husband to help out if he can - sleep in shifts if you need to - or at the very least head back to bed in the morning! Get some ready meals in, automate whatever you can so you can nap during the day because sleep deprivation is absolutely no joke.

In terms of actual practical suggestions - I'm not sure how much this works, I always have a fan on in the room, make sure I get baby changed in the morning when it's time to get up so they can start to understand difference between night and day, we're also big on routines (so every night is dinner/bath/boob/bed). I downloaded an app called huckleberry recently which gives you the heads up ok when you should be putting baby down to nap - I was surprised as it was picking up sleep signals I'd been missing.

Take the above with a pinch of salt though. This stuff might not work with your baby - they are tricky little buggers - but you'll find the thing that does eventually.

Good luck, you are doing a tough tough thing so get some help in if you can. And it won't last forever!