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No idea what to do

18 replies

Emma43211234 · 14/09/2020 04:47

My partner of 15 years has mental health issues , every so often( there is years between these episodes) he losses it and smashes the house up, self harms threatening to kill himself each time I call the police they come detain him he is then taken to hospital assessed under mental health act bully which time he has calmed down then the drs arrive think everything is fine and he is discharged with no follow up ,
Leading up to theses events for week or so leading up he is practically unbearable to live with , says things like our car , as I never wash it Or hoover it lazy and don’t deserve a nice car , then if ur out and say something he doesn’t like ie if going somewhere and I say go right here it’s quicker is even to kick him off

This happened only this time my 9 year old daughter was the one to say wrong thing to him
He spends days I. His not so happy mood , went to the park we got there my partner moved his car 5 time’s after we got out me and kids stood there waiting I never said a thing but I felt like he was trying to get a reaction
We goes to go into the park and my daughter starts doing action which my husband does regularly when carrying on , he told her to stop and she said but u do that and he then took offence and we had to return home ( he was driving us there 30 mins journey) if I had my bank card or money I wouldn’t have left but unfortunately I forgot to lift me
We return home and end up having an argument as I stood up for my daughter and said she wasn’t to be grounded as she done nothing wrong , he left the house said he bought 4 cans in a text , I then get phone call to pick him up
He gets in car tell me I would t have anything if it wasn’t for him
He then sits in car outside the house with radio full and some how keeps locking the car to set off the alarm
I went out ask him to come in just as he got a call I answered it was the police pretending to b his bank saying they were concerned for his Wealthfair so he clearly knew him self he was having so sort of break down

He then started to smash up my car then went into the house where the 2 kids where and smashed my dinning table tv ect got knife was cutting himself but during this madness I noticed later on that he closed the garage door where is car was ( his pride and joy)

He’s down this in the past but this time I feel like if he closed garage to protect his car then did he have control over was he was breaking as his phone also came out all this unharmed only house hold items such as tv wall lights dinning table doors my daughters iPad

I just don’t know what to do

Tomorrow we were due to go on staycation all his parents seem bothered about is if I am still wanting them to come there is no mention of their son is this mess or how they plan to help with him just let’s go the holiday don’t let him ruin it

OP posts:
rorosemary · 14/09/2020 04:55

How traumatic for your children. Why do you accept this?

Mayswear · 14/09/2020 05:00

I would do my utmost to get far away from this man, and wouldn't want my children anywhere near this kind of behaviour.
The garage door thing is a real flag here isn't it. I bet there are others too. It very much sounds like he is extremely manipulative and everything is about him.

caughtalightsneeze · 14/09/2020 05:01

What is his diagnosis? You say he is assessed and then discharged as doctors say nothing is wrong.

The description you've given is all about his bullying abusive behaviour, you haven't actually mentioned what his mental health condition is.

Just because he has a mental health condition doesn't mean you have to tolerate behaviour like this.

caughtalightsneeze · 14/09/2020 05:06

When you say it was the police pretending to be his bank, did he tell you that, or did the person on the other end of the phone tell you that?

cosmicsweets · 14/09/2020 05:25

This is really bad for your children to witness .
What do the police say about him smashing up your property and self harming in front of the children?
Are social services involved?

Emma43211234 · 14/09/2020 07:18

He had a brain injury which is the reason behind it all due to chemical I’m balance he can’t process things the way a normal person would

The police do not arrest him as it’s his own/ shared items in which he wrecks and due to his metal capacity at the time also they wouldn’t press charges

No social work are not involved, any time my daughters been there ( my sons too young just turned 2) they give me a call and that’s it they are happy as he’s never been threatening or violent to me or the kids it’s just the house that cops it

OP posts:
caughtalightsneeze · 14/09/2020 07:21

He can process things enough to only smash up your belongings, and the house and your children's belongings.

Did the injury happen since you have known him? Or did he tell you that it happened some time in his past?

It really doesn't matter though, you're not obliged to put up with appalling behaviour.

Emma43211234 · 14/09/2020 09:52

It happened after we meet , he had to learn how walk talk eat ect all again took about 3-4 years to get back to health and before this his wouldn’t even raise his voice if a car ran over him
A completely different person to when he acts out

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Emma43211234 · 14/09/2020 10:08

The police told me that they did have a job gone from him earlier but never confirmed if that’s as the call but said they wouldn’t disclose who they were incase the person calling was in harms way

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Emma43211234 · 14/09/2020 10:13

I also found out there from the police that it was them that closed the garage door 😫 he’s currently being assessed so hopefully they do follow up this time as surely they can’t keep up this cycle he either needs help or charged not let off

I’m the mean time the damage to the car isn’t as bad as first thought local garage can clip the cases back on and glue mirror back up and the electrical parts of it Simply plug back in , and there is crack on windshield but is still legal to drive so can go today with the kids on our trip
He’s ruined enough never mind that as well

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/09/2020 10:15

Closing the garage door tells you absolutely everything. I think you should end the relationship, but not tell him until you are far away and safe. I wouldn't let him have unsupervised access to the children, either.

HollowTalk · 14/09/2020 10:16

Sorry, just seen that the police shut the garage door. In any case I'd still end the relationship. It's too damaging for you and the children to live with this.

Frownette · 14/09/2020 10:19

Sounds pretty awful way to live.

So he doesn't get assistance with his injury? Has he had a scan? Trouble is as much as you care, you and the children have to be safe and secure.

littlemsattitude · 14/09/2020 10:19

I would be ending therelationship as a matter of urgency. You deserve better and so do your dc.

SengaMac · 14/09/2020 10:29

Don't let this go on without him at least getting some help.

When he's calmed down, how does he feel about what he's been doing?

Emma43211234 · 14/09/2020 10:41

He has this morning can’t remember most of what happened and is sorry
I have told him it’s finished and after I sent his the photos of the damage he doesn’t blame me said he doesn’t deserve to be with us and should stay far away until he can control himself

OP posts:
Gazelda · 14/09/2020 10:45

I'm glad he's accepting your relationship is over. Get help to make it happen.

But more urgently, I think you need to talk with your daughter's school and explain everything. What she saw over the weekend must have terrified her, and she may need help understanding it. Unless she gets to talk it through with someone, she may start equating her 'misdemeanour' with her fathers subsequent action and the break up of the family. She desperately needs to be given the opportunity to tsk with someone to help her process this.

cosmicsweets · 15/09/2020 06:32

I cannot believe that a social worker is happy to let you and your children live in this danger. Did you play things down to them or were you completely honest?

He has a serious chemical imbalance in his brain, of course he could flip and hurt you or the children. He cannot control his actions.

I am very sorry to hear what happened to him, but living with him sounds terrifying.

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