Explaining loss to a three year old

[RosieLemonade]

My DD’s great nanny passed away last night. We are obviously devastated especially as it was very unexpected. How do I go about explaining to her? She’s probably going to see her cousins today who will know and I don’t want her to find out from them.
We’ve spoken before about heaven when w dog in the family died.

Hi Rosie, sorry to read that you have lost someone you loved.

At three, they don't always understand too much what we say in words (especially for abstract concepts like death and heaven) but do understand what is said in actions. She will understand more through your tears or sadness than words can ever say, and I think it is okay to let even small children know, death is sad, it is something we struggle with, whilst at the same time drawing her close, cuddling her and reassuring her that her world is still a safe place.

My sons have lost all 4 of their grandparents now, the first when my youngest was 10. They coped very well but didn’t like seeing me upset so I remained positive for them and didn’t show my feelings in front of them. They seem to live in the here and now and really don’t understand loss at a young age, which is good. Sorry for your loss but yes tell her before you meet up with family.

I'm sorry for you loss
The books Badger's parting gift and Alfie and the birthday surprise explain loss/death/grief very simply. There is also Goodbye Mog.

Hello op. I’m really sorry for your loss.
My DS is 4 and my DD is 2 And they lost their grandparent earlier this year so I have some experience of this unfortunately.
We were very clear and factual with them and we told them right away. My instinct initially was to protect them from it but I think that’s normal.We explained FIL had died and it was very sad. They (DS) asked lots of questions and we tried to be clear but uncomplicated: he had died because his body didn’t work any more. No the doctors couldn’t give him medicine. No we couldn’t see him again. Etc. Do be wary of explaining using age. One of our family members tried to reassure DS that papa had been very old and then he became very very worried about other older adults in the family so we have had to do a lot of work around that with him,
Be prepared for children not to be as sad as you at all. And if they are to ‘puddle jump’ they sort of flit around being unhappy/confused one minute and playing with Lego laughing another. The permanence is hard to grasp for them. Go at your child’s pace.
Lovely books we have read: the invisible string, badgers parting gifts, the heart and the bottle, grandads island.
We did have a few weeks of sleep disturbance from my DS which was his only outward sign of grief really. My DD I’d assumed would be too little to understand but she checks on it all the time asking why he died and parroting the things she’s understood from our conversations.
for you.

My condolences to you

Does she understand taking turns yet? The way we explained to my DD was that being alive is wonderful, you get to be with people you love, and you get to do all of your favourite things, and that's great. All living things, people and animals, get a turn at being alive, some get a long turn and some get a short turn. When someone's turn ends people who are still alive are very sad because we miss them, but the important thing is to make sure that you make the most of your turn while you are having it. I hope she manages to find some comfort in this

Agree with being factual. Don’t talk about going to sleep forever as may make the child scared to go to sleep at that age.

Sorry for your loss.

Both my parents died a long time before my DS s were born but at about 3 years old they asked questions about them so I just told them that eventually our bodies wear out or get broken and there comes a point where doctors can't make us better. I was clear, and matter of a fact, showing DS that this was normal and not scary. We also talked about turn taking too.

You may find she keeps coming back you with more questions and at 3 my DSs were able to work out that I will die and so will they which took them a little time to process, but they worked through it.