Advice for evening cries - newborn

[PinotMa]

Experienced Mums please help! My 9 week old chilled out baby has started crying uncontrollably in the evenings. I'm sure this is all normal but are there any tips for how to manage? He's not hungry, wet or cold so I don't know what it is. I rock and cuddle him etc but it usually lasts for a few hours until he conks out bless him.

Why does this happen and is there anything I can do?

I can't offer anything useful whatsoever.

Sorry!

But I recall 'things stabilised', thank god then suddenly, something changed, baby went on a different jag, and off we went, again.

I look back and recognise that so many times, I have no idea why the baby changed, or what we did that 'worked', but we moved on, 'that stage' passed.

I have no clue how bottle feeding works so sorry if this is irrelevant but if you're breastfeeding my advice would be to just offer the breast loads and let baby feed for comfort as often as u can.

Oh God, much sympathy, it's horrible. I don't think anyone knows why it happens really. Various theories, no answers.

What helped us:

• bouncing like crazy (big yoga ball) with baby in sling
• white noise
• headphones in yourself with music on - you'll feel a bit mean shutting out the baby's crying like that, but you're still there, you're still helping them, and it'll help you stay calm and keep your energy up if you're not as stressed by the crying
• and if you get to the point where you really really need a break - put the baby somewhere safe, take a few minutes, take a breather, go back refreshed, they'll be fine.

Also it helped to read something (which I can't find now sorry this was years ago!) saying that there was evidence babies who were comforted and held during crying were producing less stress hormone, even if they kept on crying. So even when you can't stop the crying, you're still helping the baby.

Mine was a bit younger but I put headphones on with slow music and just sang along. It helped me and I think if you are calm they calm down as well.

Could he be overtired and struggling to settle to sleep? My DS was a very chilled out baby but struggled to settle in the early evenings. A combination of a nightly bath and blackouts blinds in our room worked really well for him.

I think evening crying spells ease off significantly by 12 weeks, so that's something to hold on to! My eldest in particular was pretty inconsolable at night time for the first few months of his life. I think he partly just wanted to cluster feed, and I agree with a previous poster that letting your baby feed as much as he wants might help. Aside from that, my husband and I would switch round who was trying to console the howling baby periodically so we could take breaks, and we often took him out in the pram in the evening, because it felt more constructive them struggling (and failing) to console him indoors. Sometimes if I popped him in a sling before the crying spells started he'd sleep through. Never managed to transfer him from the sling to the cot without waking him though. Oh, and he found white noise (bathroom fans, washing machines etc) quite comforting. Good luck!

Colic. Is he drawing his knees up?

So ours (DC3) was pretty screamy whenever tired. Currently 13w and we've gone from inconsolable lots after 5pm at 7ish weeks to inconsolable post bath untol settled in bed at about 730/8. I just offer feed / if refused I sway and sing quietly. I know that eventually he will go to sleep. It's hard to watch them be so sad but I remember once reading some babies do just cry and holding them and caring for them in a quiet place means they know you are there even if they're sad. It sounds like you're doing all the right things consoling him. I am sure in a week or so he will settle (and switch to something else). In the mean time, good luck. Newborn crying is tough.

Thank you very much. He is now asleep after a few "false" sleeps followed by crying bouts! Is it too early to introduce a bedtime? We have been playing it by ear up till now (although very structured and calming routines when he does go).

Not too early to introduce bedtime routine. The actual timing might shift a little depending when the last nap of the day is. Fwiw ours is bath, into sleepsuit and sleeping bag (add post bath screams), milk (add random crying) bed. We will add a story at some point but he's so wound up currently there's no point. We have to juggle timing with older DC dinner so can't be purely baby focused but the routine is good as babies get to understand what is going to happen. It also sets you up for when the baby is much bigger as a cue for winding down at night.

Ps try to keep the routine simple and consistent. And we avoid anything that isn't replaceable or portable (cot mobiles etc etc) so you don't need to worry if on holiday / at grandparents etc (dreaming of a post Covid world here).

What kind of time? Both my babies have been fussy from 5-7pm type times and just wanted to be held. With my first baby at about 10 weeks she started crying in the evenings and being difficult to put down and after a while I realised she was tired but couldn’t settle in the lounge with the light and noise and as soon as I took her into the bedroom she’d calm down and fall asleep quite calmly.

This was the point at which I started putting my DD to bed upstairs, with a short routine (low lights, massage, feed, sleep). My hunch was that she was overstimulsted and overtired. I know some people wouldn't approve of putting babies to bed alone this young, but we had a monitor and went up to check on her frequently. It worked - she was settled and we got our evenings back!