Things to do before having a baby

[Hannahbanana2020]

I’m moving towards my late twenties now and have recently become a homeowner. I’ve also been with my boyfriend for quite a few years now. We had a conversation about having children a few weeks ago and both agreed that we want to wait a good few years before we have any. I haven’t really done too many interesting things in life and would definitely like to live a bit more before we have children. I was just wondering if anyone had things that they either did before having children or that they wish they had done (kind of like a pre-baby bucket list!). An obvious one would be travel I suppose but I wondered if there are any others that I might be missing. Thank you

Get fit.

I’ve never been overweight but I’ve never been fit either and for me finding time to fit in exercise post dc was really hard when it wasn’t an ingrained habit pre-dc.

Progress as far as possible in your career.

Seniority and money give you the flexibility to do amazing things after children.

Get married, have decent savings, as stable a job as can be and plenty of date nights. Travel to any places you really fancy that aren’t child friendly.

@Ikeameatballs

Get fit.

I’ve never been overweight but I’ve never been fit either and for me finding time to fit in exercise post dc was really hard when it wasn’t an ingrained habit pre-dc.

This.

Having sex helps enormously, so I've heard.

Get yourself to a really good fitness level.
Travel not now I know you can't go everywhere, but get a few things ticked off
Eat out
Read and watch lots of TV
Any skills or courses you want to do, ideally a bit more settled job wise

Go out for dinner all the time. Have a lie in every weekend. Have sex in the middle of the day. Read books.

Life after children is just harder, so things you struggle to do now probably won't happen. Prioritise them

@BritneyS

Go out for dinner all the time. Have a lie in every weekend. Have sex in the middle of the day. Read books.

Yes!! Get up whenever, have lazy lunches, lots of lovely partner time

Take a year out (rent the house) and go travelling. That's the big one I'd say.

Get fit and healthy.

Study? Uni? Post-grad? Even just a knitting course.

Any major building work.

Check in with yourself that you really, really want children? That you're not just doing it as it's the 'expected' thing to do. Know that it really, truly is fine to not have children.

Have conversations with your boyfriend about expectations if you did have a baby. How often would you each want to go out in the evening, leaving the other person alone with the baby? Does he have a hobby that takes up all weekend? If so, how would that change if you had a baby?

How would you share the parental leave - would he expect you to do all the maternity leave, or would he be willing to do his share?

How would you support each other to build your careers when you have a child? If the child is ill, would he share the responsibility of having to take time off work to look after the child, or would it all be on you?

How would you deal with a baby who was up every 1.5-2 hours in the night - would he sleep in the spare room and expect you to deal with it, or would you share night duties?

All this,
Plus travel.

Do anything big that needs doing in the house! That was my biggest regret - when we were struggling through trying to repaint most of the house to put it on the market when we had an 18 month old I kept thinking 'but before him we could have just done this! Why didn't we do this?!'

I also have no idea what we used to spend our money on before we had him so wish we'd saved more of it, but that might be one of those things you only realise in hindsight when it turns out that you can find £800 a month for nursery so why didn't you have that spare before! It also doesn't mesh well with the advice to travel and eat out lots...

Enjoy every single millisecond of uninterrupted sleep that you can.
Recognise and appreciate the physical and mental freedom that comes with not being responsible for another human being 24 hours a day.
Relish not over analysing every decision that you make.
Enjoy every single cup of hot tea or coffee that you consume. Note the word hot in that sentence.
Having kids is great, the best thing I’ve ever done, but I never truly appreciated how much they would change my life in so many different little ways.

Career wise post-dc I went from being ambitious to not bothered. It took a few years for me to care again but for the past 5-7 years it’s been important again (dc are 14 and 10) but it would have been really hard if I’d not made enough progress before dc.

Get married. Don't have children without a marriage certificate. If you do have children outside of marriage, don't sacrifice your earning potential at all - return to work full-time and keep paying into a pension.

I agree with a PP who said advance as far as possible in your career. I didn't have children until I'd obtained all my postgraduate professional qualifications. I'm able to earn as much working 2 days a week as most people earn full-time, so I work relatively little and have plenty of time with my children, while still earning well.