Please help, I've really let my toddler down

[Guest123583828]

We I have an amazing little 2 year old. All I've ever wanted was for her to feel secure and have a good role model. I'm not perfect by any stretch but I feel like I've provided that to my best ability - the "good enough" mother I suppose

We have some very stressful things coming up at the same time I'm due, my DH is working away a lot, no family nearby and can't really see many people with children because of social distancing regs etc. I'm not complaining about any of this and think we're amazingly lucky and I'm grateful any day. But I think it is affecting my mental health and I'm not sure what's wrong with me

My DH just made a big thing about helping out, but was huffing and puffing about it and I just snapped, shouted and burst into tears. Then he said "mummy is cross with me again" to our daughter and I just howled and I haven't been able to stop crying since. I think it was unreasonable of him but he's not often this passive aggressive and I suppose he's under pressure too

My toddler was visibly upset and asked what was wrong and that more than anything has destroyed me. I can't believe I was in tears in front of her like that. Obviously I've pulled myself together now and we're back to normal but I just feel like I've let her down so much, she seems so unsettled

It probably feels like I'm making a mountain of a molehill and I probably am but I just want to hide away and cry and I don't know what to do about it. Feel like I've let her down so much

I'm due as in late pregnancy. Maybe it's just the hormones. That's what DH says but it's so undermining. He's not in the LTB category but he doesn't understand

Imo you dh was more out of line than you.. Stressful times for us all. He should be more supportive and def not bringing a dc into your rows. Imagine he intends to get her on side in future regardless who is at fault..

That wasn't nice of him to say that. You're allowed to be stressed, it's a stressful time at the moment and being pregnant adds to that. Don't worry about letting your daughter down - this is just one small part of her life and she is being loved and cared for and looked after. She will be far better off and more secure than many, many children. Don't feel worse about it, just get back on the horse. And tell your DH that he needs to help more without being a drama llama about it.

@Sunnydaysstillhere I don't think he really meant it to be directed at her, it was more of a passive aggressive comment to me. Call me naive but I don't think he intended to get her on side so to speak

@ButteryPuffin you are right. I just feel so alone and under pressure. Rationally I feel quite happy but then I overestimate my ability to deal with little situations like this

I just feel gutted I upset her but I suppose it won't help her if I keep dwelling on it

Your DH was not very kind. When you're all calm you need to both have a frank, honest, calm and hopefully productive discussion about how you're all feeling and how to move forward positively. You have a lot going on right now, you need to work as a team.

Don't underestimate how hard things are for you just now - I cried all the time when I was pregnant and had a 2 year old. All the damn time. It's hard. In a way it's easier when the baby comes.

Be kind to yourself. Give your DD a big cuddle and move forward.

Your husband was a twat and hopefully seeing how his twattery rendered you to tears will make him less of a twat next time!

You poor thing, give your DD a big hug and order a takeaway. She isn't scarred and will not remember in a week. If anything, you're setting the example that it's OK to show your emotions. Adults get upset too sometimes.

You sound like a great Mum, don't beat yourself up!

He may just have been trying to make little of the shouting and tears to your toddler to try and stop her being worried that she may have been involved. (They can take these things to heart) Obviously cares about her mummy.

More importantly if you're getting overwhelmed time to talk to him about helping (big job or not) no job is more important than caring for his family.

Ime he is grooming her to feel sorry for him. My ex did similar - oh dc let's keep away from dm she is in a bad mood - type of thing. Yeah with him the twat.

What's wrong with mommy?
Mommy is just feeling a little sad, can I have a cuddle?

It's ok for children to know that mommy's and daddy's feel sad and then they get ok again.

You haven't let her down by being sad. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, it's not good for you! You're doing fine and you sound like a lovely and caring mum. Well that was a bit of an arsehole-ish passive aggressive comment by your partner, and I agree that was a bit of a "horrible mummy" dig which was not very kind. However if he's OK the rest of the time I would probably let it go ( after making him a cat food sandwich of course). x