My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Ex from 5 years ago has emailed me?

18 replies

TailsTales · 12/09/2020 15:08

Why would he do that after all this time?

I got the email this morning and have been wondering what to do about it ever since. We haven’t spoken at all in all that time.

We were together for 5 years, both each other’s first ‘big’ relationship so the break up was hard. I in particular took it hard, it was about a year before I felt like I’d gotten over it. I didn’t date anyone for years after it ended. He, on the other hand, Started dating someone else a few months after things between us had ended.

I’m single at the moment. I don’t know if he is. He doesn’t have any social media that I can see, I’ve had a search round this afternoon.

I do think about him from time to time still. I’d like to know how he is but I don’t know if it’d just end up opening up old wounds?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 12/09/2020 15:10

he probably wants a shag and is seeing if your up for it

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2020 15:11

There's a reason you broke up. I would delete and move on.

Timestoodstilll · 12/09/2020 15:12

Most likely he's become recently single and is putting out feelers or he's not single and putting out feelers. I'm not a big fan of exes who reappear after years without keeping at least somewhat in touch in the interim.

Pearsapiece · 12/09/2020 15:12

That's very odd. What does the email say? Maybe he feel other relationships haven't lived up to what yours was and feels he made a mistake. Or he wants a bonus night

Nikori · 12/09/2020 15:12

From experience, he's single, bored and lonely and looking to hook-up.

helterskelter3 · 12/09/2020 15:13

Who knows?! It could be the stars aligning! Ask how he is and see what happens...

Smallsteps88 · 12/09/2020 15:13

Why would he do that after all this time?

There’s a fee for answers that require a crystal ball. Wink

TailsTales · 12/09/2020 15:25

@Smallsteps88 Grin I know no one can actually tell me what he’s thinking. I’m more trying to work out if it would be a good idea to reply or just leave it.

It says that he’s thought about me sometimes. Wondered how I was and if I was doing ok. He says he doesn’t expect me to reply and will leave it up to me to decide about restarting contact.

I was going through a tough time when we broke up. My dad had passed away earlier in the year and I wasn’t really dealing with it that well. I think I pushed him away a bit because of that. So not sure if he’s genuinely just wondering how I’ve been or if it’s opening the door up to more.

OP posts:
MsKeats · 12/09/2020 15:30

Just reply and keep it neutral. You might not even get a reply.

Smallsteps88 · 12/09/2020 15:32

I think if you wanted a relationship with him you’d have sought one. Don’t consider it now just because he has plopped into your life when it suited him. It should be because it’s something you want and on your terms. Take some time to think about it before deciding whether you want to respond or not.

TailsTales · 12/09/2020 15:41

I’m not thinking about a relationship. I would like to know how he’s been, but if it’s likely to bring up old feelings which makes it difficult to keep it neutral I think it’s probably best to just leave it? But then I think enough time has passed that those feelings aren’t just going to be there still?

I can’t decide what I think about it Confused

OP posts:
katy1213 · 12/09/2020 15:44

No obligation to reply! If you're over him, what's the point? And if you're not really over him, why set yourself back?

Smallsteps88 · 12/09/2020 15:48

Give it some time. You don’t have to respond to him straight away. The ball is in your court here. Tell you what, decide now not to do anything for a week. Then next weekend, if you’re still thinking about him, maybe send a very general email response. If you’re not thinking about him/have forgotten the email, then you know it’s not something that interests you.

MrsCaptainAmerica · 12/09/2020 15:59

If the break up was amicable and you're in a good place, no harm in replying to see how he is getting on.

If it wasn't amicable, leave it and carry on with life. If, as someone said, the stars are to align then they will on another day!!!

Lifeisabeach09 · 12/09/2020 16:01

What did he say in the email?

Helloyouthere · 12/09/2020 16:02

You said it took you a long time to get over him. I would leave it if I was you otherwise you could end up going backwards x

TailsTales · 12/09/2020 16:31

I think I am over him enough to not feel hurt again. I’m not immediately thinking there’s a chance we’d end up back together just because he’s got back in touch. I don’t even know if that’s what he’d want either.

I think I’ll give it a few days and see how I feel before deciding if I’ll reply or not.

OP posts:
Greydove28 · 12/09/2020 17:37

Id email back op. Don't forget what's meant for you wont pass you by. Could have been bad timing before. Might have taken him a lot to get up the courage to msg you.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.