DS and Football

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DS is in an U9 squad, nothing serious, training once a week and matches with local villages at the weekend.

The issue, and I feel like an absolute piece of shit mum saying this, is DS is far and away the worst player. Neither me or XDH have much interest in it so he's not grown up with it but when we play with him he is quite good. The problem I think is that he gets self conscious playing in front of people and is easily distracted - he actively avoids the ball and just dances around.

He likes it and loves seeing his friends and being part of something but he is such a weak link I just feel relieved when he's on the bench. His team mates don't seem bothered but some parents are and I find myself making excuses for him or making a joke of it which I hate myself for doing because he's my baby just having fun in a completely meaningless game.

His dad suggested we encourage him to stop because he finds watching it so difficult - today he literally stood with his arms dangling in goal letting goal after goal go past him (to great groans from the parents). So while getting him to give up something he enjoys is a horrible suggestion, I do feel the cringe too

I want to stress we never ever say to him he's not very good. We give him constant encouragement and tell him he played well and practice with him. He just forgets it all on the pitch.

I don't know what I'm asking. I'm not going to stop him doing it. I'll keep working on his confidence too. But does anyone else have any experience? All my friends seem to have superstar sporty kids.

Have a google for simple football training drills. There’s lots on YouTube that are easy to follow. And maybe some little training cones so he can practise dribbling round them to help with his foot control.
After his training session, ask him what they practised and if he can continue practising them at home.
Does he support a team? If he has a favourite player encourage him to see what their training programme consists of, you can usually find some videos of them on YouTube doing a couple of drills etc.

A lot of it will be repetitive drills, just to master the basics.

Football parents can be terribly competitive

Thank you. We will keep training with him. Away from matches he's ok. He has the capability to be a decent player - he just doesn't have the confidence to get stuck in. I was a shy child and I see myself in him, it's painful to see. He would never tackle a stranger from another team, he doesn't have the 'aggression'. Right from being a baby at baby groups, he would just let other kids take his toys etc.

He supports the team his best friend told him to support but has no interest in following them or watching matches etc. This is the only activity he has stuck but I think it's more to do with friends than football.

Would he perform differently if you and his dad weren’t there watching?Years of football with all my 3 boys, husband coached etc and one in particular definitely performed and behaved better when we didn’t watch! I’m no psychologist so don’t know what the underlying issue was!? Could try it and see.

Do they just have the one squad? Our youth football clubs have 3 different levels so the boys all play with kids at the same level as them. Nothing more demoralising for the boys than playing with kids much better than them (I saw this at school football).

I have had a similar experience with my DS who is now slightly older. The difference is that his coach is very clear that the kids play for enjoyment, not to be overly competitive, and that there's a place for everyone in a team. What is your DS's coach like? This is something they should work on.

Have to say there is a definite pattern too of some football parents getting overly invested, as if they're watching the World Cup Final rather than the local 9 year olds. It's worth remembering that and if needs be, gently reminding anyone else. So many kids grow to hate sport and exercise that it's worth encouraging all of them to enjoy taking part and not get hung up on how good they are.

As a previous poster said, it’s so competitive on the sidelines, my reply to a lot of it was “it’s not the FA Cup qualifiers “ That usually shut them up

He might do. I'd feel I wasn't supporting him, though. And I'd have to ask one of the other parents how he played and I doubt they'd be honest.

Worth a try maybe, thanks.

Oh I know it’s hard not to be there, or go for the 2nd half and stand discreetly. Ask the coach how he did plus if he has a more decent game you’ll more than likely be told at pick up.

The 'coaches' are the 18 year old brother of one of the lads and his friends. They are lovely but obviously not very experienced. Their dad manages it so it's a really small thing. Only one team - there's 8/9 of them for 5 a side.