3 year old saying no to adults

[Motherofmonsters]

So DS is having issues at Preschool, I have another thread on a different issue. I've been told that he keeps saying no to the adults and then throwing himself on the door when told not to do something.

They've asked me to get him to understand he can't say no to adults and listen when they ask him to stop doing something (if it's something dangerous)

Does anyone have any tips, I'm not really sure how to deal with this

Grit your teeth its age appropriate behaviour... but also try a consequence if he says no. Oh and I used to distinguish between things that were a choice and things that werent a choice. So up front I would say this isnt a choice, we are doing xyz, or this is a choice, do you want a or b. (Put the option you want him to choose last!). If he throws himself on the floor, say, oh you are lying down you must be tired, nap time, and take him up to bed.

This is totally normal for his age. Work with the nursery to find opportunities to prasis him when he does do things he is asked. Ask them to think about patterns in what is prompted him to throw himself on the floor - is he hungry, tired or in a busy or noisy environment, or is it with a certain member of staff?

3yos brains are not set up to have a good level of impulse control, and there is no point in you following up popr behaviour (which he may not be able to control anyway) at the end of the day.

There seem to be a lot of nurseries who are surprised by and unable to deal with the entire normal behaviour of the children they are looking after.

They've asked me to get him to understand he can't say no to adults

Ask them how that fits in with their safeguarding policy.

I don't have children, but surely a blanket 'you can't say no to adults rule' is not a good idea?

Thanks everyone, I didn't think it was to outlandish behaviour for a 3year old but as I'm the only one being pulled aside for it I assumed it must be him.

I will obviously work on him saying no but it's good to know it's quite standard.

I assume they just mean when he's doing something he shouldn't or when he needs to put his shoes on

@Graciebobcat

There seem to be a lot of nurseries who are surprised by and unable to deal with the entire normal behaviour of the children they are looking after.

This. Can also try choices and praise when listens as PP said. My nursery once called me in from work to deal with a just turned three year old that had a toilet accident...

Yes, I would also be concerned about the “cannot say no to adults” line...

As others have said I would worry more about safeguarding than a child going through a phase of saying no. There is no way that I would teach a 3 year old that he can't say no to adults or indeed other children. How do you unteach that potentially dangerous rule?

Have to reiterate the above, no way would I teach my children that they can't say no to adults! I get what they mean about when it is something dangerous etc. but as child care professionals they should know already how to deal with this instead of just expecting total compliance from a 3 year old.

I mean honestly, have they met a 3 year old before??

My DD is well known for refusing to do anything she is told. Choices are the way to go really so i.e. you must put your shoes on becomes do you want to wear your yellow or pink shoes etc.

I think its a good idea to teach children that they must do what Mummy and Daddy say, and that they also have to do what police officers, firemen, doctors and teachers at their school say. But other adults shouldnt be asking them to do stuff because they are kids, other adults should be talking to their Mummy or teacher first because they are the adults in charge.