Scared of animals

[DipSwimSwoosh]

I just went for a lovely walk with my 4 and 2 year olds, but they freaked out when they saw a dog and the owner made me feel really bad about it.
She said 'I'm only trying to help you'. 'Are you from a city?' 'Why are they like that?' And 'I feel sorry for you'.
We were sitting down eating a picnic and the dog on a lead and woman came to say hello. It was a young boxer.
My kids were screaming.
The 4 year old has always been petrified of dogs. Maybe because as a baby we lived next door to 3 boxers who barked when we entered or left our house. Also, her dad always picks her up when a dog approaches, which I think teaches her to be fearful.
I don't like dogs. I don't want a pet. But do I need to get one so they get over this? Or should we visit more farms or whatever?
They do enjoy the zoo.
I always say things like 'what a lovely dog', and make a point of stroking them if they come near, so I don't think my dislike of them shows. I also grew up with one, who I loved at the time.
They are pretty scared of any animal that gets close, even though they spend a lot of time in the garden, gardening and pond dipping. There were also swans on our walk that were grunting, hissing and chasing us, which didn't help!
I feel like I have let them down. Is it necessary to like animals? Thanks for any opinions.

They have an older sibling too, who is desperate for a pet. So I have agreed to get a cat next year. But should I get a dog instead? Only they are such a tie and lots of work!

I don't think you need to do anything. The woman was being odd insisting she was doing you a favour. It's rude IMO to bring a dog into a picnic uninvited. I'd be worried it would go for the food!

No, I defo wouldn't get a dog unless you want to get a dog. They are a lot of work.

Thanks, you made me feel much better already.

Well don’t get a dog, that’s stupid.

I would continue to take to zoos/farms/petting zoos etc to build up their positive interactions.
Is it mainly dogs they don’t like?

The Boxer owner was in the wrong though.

You don’t have to get a dog to teach them that dogs aren’t necessarily out to kill them, just stop with the picking them up when a dog approaches and carry on with the positive reinforcement you’ve been doing when animals are near and being friendly or inquisitive. Teach them that animals - generally - only become aggressive when they’re scared or threatened; and teach them the body language which happy and friendly animals might display versus upset animals. Teach them that’s why we should always wait for e.g. dogs and cats to approach us rather than try to run after them; and why we keep our distance from and don’t try to ambush swans because they’re protective, territorial fuckers. Also, teach them that it’s fine to say to pet owners that you’d rather they call their pet back. Most good pet owners are fine with this.

A healthy respect for animals and an understanding that growling, snapping, hissing, chasing and biting is the only way animals have of letting people know they don’t want to be approached is a good thing for children to have, but it doesn’t need to translate into terror when the likelihood an animal is going to be aggressive off the bat is slim.

Yes I thought people would advise against me getting a dog if I don't want one! It's just that so many people say they got one because the dc were scared. Maybe the cat will help?

Thanks Comtesse

Personally I've never been a dog person. Always a bit wary of them.
DC and DP desperately wanted a dog and we got a pup.
Whilst I like our pup ( we've had him 1.5 yr) I still feel a little wary around him and I am really anxious when we are out walking and we meet other dogs. I actually won't take him out alone. It's not pleasurable.
I'd be wary of getting a dog as if they're like I am then it would just make them extra anxious.
I love other animals and feel comfortable around other animals. It's just dogs for me.

What a strange woman! (Dog owner, not you). Ignore her, she was talking nonsense. People who don’t like dogs are entitled to use the shared spaces without being approached and dog owners are entitled to use those shared spaces considerately.
Dogs are huge to young children and sitting down makes you feel extra vulnerable.
My default as a dog owner is always to assume that other people in the vicinity do not want to be hassled by my dog. This was not a view shared by my last dog, but she was never allowed to inflict her silliness on anyone who didn’t specifically ask.

Do you have any children's farms near you? They're great for children the age yours are. Obviously their opening times/arrangements may be a little awkward at the moment, but take your two in spring time and see all the baby chicks, lambs, pigs etc they'll love it. The one near us lets children feed the lambs, hold the chicks, rabbits etc. My children are both nervous and wary around animals, but they both enjoyed visiting these places when small, and managed to get over their fears to stroke bunnies et .

Silly woman - one of these arrogant dog owners who thinks that everyone should love dogs too. It is absolutely 100% normal to be wary of animals - it is hard-wired. You are doing all you can to keep your children safe whilst also trying to help them adapt to this dog-obsessed society in which we live.

Small children are vulnerable to dogs for a whole host of reasons. Their skin is soft and vulnerable, their faces tend to be at bite level, and dogs outsize them in the main.

There is nothing wrong with you!!! Do not let the dog mafia convince you otherwise.

Getting a dog is not a great idea, for you (you are not into them), for the dog (who would be better off with someone who is into them) and for the children (they will sense your dislike; they may not like the thing anyway). My parents got a dog when I was tiny to help me get over being chased by a vicious alsatian - all that achieved was that I felt unsafe in my own home - the one place where I should have been able to relax. Do not do this thing!!!!

Don’t get a dog as a young dog will be excitable and usually nippy, so that’ll just make them worse. What about watching some films with lovely dogs in them. There are loads of family friendly films about dogs. Stop picking them up and don’t take them into really dog friendly parks at busy times as there’s more chance of them being approached by excitable dogs. Instead, take them when it’s quieter and talk about the fun the dogs are having. Have you any friends of neighbours with nice quiet dogs? You could explain about your children’s fear and ask them if they minded if you join them for a walk with their dogs.

I’m passionate about dogs and it’s very sad to see children frightened of dogs, especially if it’s due to selfish or irresponsible dog owners. I love it when parents teach their children to ask if they can approach and pet the dogs, but I also love it when parents explain that their child is nervous but they’re trying to help them. I keep the dogs back and tell the child their names and if they love cuddles or like to chase a ball. I do believe you’re doing your best to help your children, which is the right thing to do, as they’re going to have to deal with dogs throughout their lives.

P.s. the woman was thick as champ.

Thank you all. I will definitely look into more farm park trips, and films are a great idea.

Dogs are lovely in films! They do not jump up or slobber all over you! Brilliant!

@Mischance

Dogs are lovely in films! They do not jump up or slobber all over you! Brilliant!

You’ve obviously never watched, Marley and Me, Turner and Hooch or Beethoven and that’s just off the top of my head. 😁

Ah yes - but they are doing it onscreen and not all over me!!

Do you know anyone with a docile dog that won’t get over excited if pet?

I remember going to my friends house as a child and being scared of their big boxer dog. It used to jump up and scratch me! Now I work with dogs 😄. Anyway..

We used to have a family dog that was obsessed with playing ball. She would love to approach strangers on walks to play. I remember once she took her ball to a small child who was scared (she never got close or jumped up). I called her away but the mother said it was ok. Our dog put the ball in front of the child, backed off and waited for it to be thrown with her bum in the air and front legs on the ground. It was lovely to see after a few minutes that the child was enjoying throwing the ball for her.

That’s great advice from Comtesse. Teach them about animal behaviour and body language, especially for dogs, cats and horses. The animal rescue charities have some great videos. A lot of adults could do with learning about that too - so many people think that their pets are like humans, and completely misunderstand their language.

Definitely don’t get a dog if you don’t really want one. It’s not fair to you, the kids or the dog.

Your husband should absolutely stop picking your daughter up when a dog approaches, that’s definitely teaching her that they are to be feared. They need to learn some confidence around animals.

Farm parks that have supervised handling sessions are great for giving them safe experience with docile animals. They could start with rabbits and guinea pigs and work up to lambs and goats! You might end up really enjoying it yourself too

The woman with the Boxer was completely wrong. She shouldn’t have approached you, should just have walked past and encouraged her dog to ignore you. I like dogs but she would have made me very angry!

That dog owner was completely in the wrong OP!

I have a dog and I am super aware that not everyone likes dogs as my mum is very nervous of dogs and always has been.

I have had guinea pigs in the past and they are awesome wee things. I would suggest going to a children's farm as that would be a gentle start and they could watch other kids holding guinea pigs and work up to maybe doing that themselves?

That dog owner though, what a muppet!!!