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Original poster

Is now a really silly time to give up work?

33 replies

nextplateau · 10/09/2020 13:58

I’ve just gone back to work after baby 2 but the coronavirus situation has dramatically changed the finances of the situation and it means I am working 4 days a week to essentially add around £80 to the household budget. (Reduced salary for both of us, increased nursery fees, plus around half the free hours for nursery that were promised by the council pre covid).

I had always toyed with the idea of giving up work - I don’t like my colleagues and I was planning on moving companies pre covid.

However now WFH the colleagues aren’t an issue.

Childcare is. As well as being more expensive we don’t have quite the cover we need (MIL is very apprehensive about the virus and hasn’t taken on the days she had done previously) so as well as paying more we are juggling so that I can do very early hours and late hours to make up for having to have the kids some afternoons when not in nursery.

In any other circumstances the answer is give up work and be a sahm mum. Great.

However with the Covid stuff going on am I crazy to give up a “safe” job (wouldn’t be made redundant) even if it’s not earning us anything?

In a few years would I be grateful to have that job once both DC are in school?

I am 43 for context re getting another job in a few years when I have been SaHM for a while.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 10/09/2020 14:18

we are juggling so that I can do very early hours and late hours to make up for having to have the kids some afternoons when not in nursery.

And what's your husband doing to ease the situation?

If you're working very early and very late, then you'll be knackered. I assume that's what's driving you to consider stopping work?

Can't your husband change his hours?

I wouldn't advise giving up.

Original poster
nextplateau · 10/09/2020 15:26

He’s looking after the kids ...

He doesn’t WFH so it’s not an option for him to do childcare 9-5.

OP posts:
GiveMeStrengthAndNaps · 10/09/2020 15:31

Following with interest OP. I am due to go back to work after maternity leave at the end of the year. I really, really don't want to (exactly the same reasons as you, don't really like being there and would hardly be any better off) but feel like I'd be mad not to...

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Childcare & nursery Families
Suzi888 · 10/09/2020 15:36

I would say yes, if
“In a few years would I be grateful to have that job once both DC are in school“ as you may struggle to get another.
Career break?
A few women I work with have been in this situation, working 4 days a week for basically nothing for the first few years.

Original poster
nextplateau · 12/09/2020 08:24

I think If I was 10 years younger I would give up the job with no qualms knowing in a few years I could get back into another job.

In a few years I’ll be 45 though!

OP posts:
dollypartonscoat · 12/09/2020 08:27

They'll be at school before you know it. I'd keep working without a shadow of a doubt in your situation

Igotmyholiday · 12/09/2020 08:29

I would work through, think of your pension and keeping up to date. Your partner could lose their job/ become ill/ die/leave you. Maybe see about reducing your hours if really a struggle but I wouldn't leave.

Fluffycloudland77 · 12/09/2020 08:29

I’d keep working, you may not get another job & long term you’ll earn more if you’ve kept working.

Pelleas · 12/09/2020 08:31

Does your company offer a career-break scheme?

If you just want a temporary break, have you thought about statutory unpaid parental leave?

www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Redlocks28 · 12/09/2020 08:35

Are you WFH? I’d definitely keep the job.

Bluewavescrashing · 12/09/2020 08:35

I would keep working.

I worked part time after both maternity leaves and now my DCs are 9 and 6 I'm considering going full time. Not for the money as such but for the job satisfaction. The money will be useful post Brexit though when everything shoots up in price. Worth thinking about.

Delatron · 12/09/2020 08:36

What I would say is that is doesn’t magically get easier when they go to school. Cheaper I guess but then you need wrap around childcare/ holidays/ more juggling and driving around with clubs, sports days,.

The key is to make sure your DH does his share and also has a reasonably flexible job. If he does then it’s doable.

Mine didn’t though and I managed when they were in nursery but had to have a break then career change once they got to school age. I found nursery years the easiest

GU24Mum · 12/09/2020 08:41

If you're bringing in money rather than it costing you, you don't want to give up work forever and you can't be sure that you'd easily get a job in a few years' time, I'd definitely keep the job. I completely agree with a PP that once they're at school then certain jobs are much harder to juggle with school hours, holidays etc.

Why don't you tell yourself that you'll do it until the New Year and have a think.

Also, realistically, although you think that you're "only" bringing in X, it would probably cost you more if you were at home and doing activities/trips out.

Original poster
nextplateau · 12/09/2020 08:45

I think the fact I don’t love the company I work for and that after mat leave 1 I got shunted off into a corner in a role no one else wanted means I don’t see a future there regardless, so I am feeling resentful I guess if I am only earning a couple of hundred quid at most for the 4 days of commitment to them plus the juggling and sacrifices being made to make it happen.

If I was in a job with some kind of clear career progression it woold be worth earning nothing for a couple of years.

There is no financial reward for the work but also there is no emotional or intellectual reward so what’s in it for me? Do I just punish myself for 3 or 4 years? That’s how it feels!

Have used up my parental leave for this year as they wouldn’t furlough me and had to wait for childcare to resume. Going down to 3 days would be the same financially, and I actually think they would say no to that as they have no one else to do the job the rest of the week.

OP posts:
ElanaD · 12/09/2020 08:45

It actually gets so much harder when they go back to school! :( I would say go for it!

I gave up work 2 years ago and have zero regrets! I love being around for my children whenever they need me and my husband has also hugely benefitted. It's just way less stress in both of our lives. We have a solid relationship and were both on board with the decision which is key so there is no resentment.

Danni290 · 12/09/2020 08:47

I would say do what you feel is best. When your kids go back to school if you are an employable person surely you will find work again. I wouldn't worry about that.

If you don't like the job anyway maybe it's a reason to change? Maybe look at retraining.

I'd personally never stay in a job i hated not for anything

Original poster
nextplateau · 12/09/2020 08:49

@ElanaD I feel my mood would improve 100% if I didn’t have work hanging over me. So home a nicer place to be for everyone else.

With regard to costing more if I was at home, well there are no activities on in Scotland just now or for the foreseeable. The older one gets free hours so would still go to nursery. I would also be able to cut the cleaner, stop putting the ironing in, stop the dog walker etc which are luxuries/essentials for me because I’m working, but now make no sense (I was bringing home more money before all this). That would be aboiy £400 less a month.

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 12/09/2020 08:50

@Danni290 not even to keep your family housed and fed? That’s the reason I stay in jobs I hate.

NataliaOsipova · 12/09/2020 08:55

Do I just punish myself for 3 or 4 years? That’s how it feels!

This stands out to me. There was a lady on here last week who was having a similar dilemma - but she was a surgeon, had always wanted to be a surgeon and loved her job. If you love it, then it’s worth making it work, even if it’s tough in the short term. If, however, you don’t like your job, you will be miserable for a good chunk of your waking hours. This is not a good place to be! Not sure what you do, but remember also that the world is going to be a very different place in 3/4 years time. There’s certainly going to be a massive recession. There are no guarantees about anything, How will you feel if you carry on in this job and then get made redundant just as your kids are going to school (as happened to a friend of mine), for example? Will you think “I’ve had that experience and money and can now move on to something else?” or will you feel hugely resentful?

Danni290 · 12/09/2020 08:57

@Greenmarmalade unless I've misread didn't OP say she earns £80 more in the job? So she'd be in a similar situation financially by giving up work.

I think it's short sited to stay in the job, she could go back to uni and retrain which could yes make the family worse off short term but long term better.

Sorry. It I'm all for prospects and bettering yourself and as long as the kids aren't going to starve and you are doing it for a longer term improvement to your lifestlyle and career prospect I don't see the issue

Life is too short IMO

Original poster
nextplateau · 12/09/2020 09:59

Yes as you say it’s financially neutral for me with no prospect of that changing in fact it’s likely to get worse (we are already on a company wide 10-% reduction indefinitely). We have also managed for more than 6 months with me earning nothing (last part of mat leave then unpaid leave because of Covid situ) so we know we can do it.

OP posts:
Valkadin · 12/09/2020 10:15

I know MN gets funny about Mums wages and childcare as the cost is being shared really but I get the you are only £80 better off. My friend worked for three years for minus wages . However ten years down the line she earns more than her partner and has a decent pension. His kind of question has popped up many times over the 15 years I have been in this site. I think currently I would hang on to the job in these uncertain times. Plus there is ageism in recruitment though there shouldn’t be.

Delatron · 12/09/2020 10:36

I think the key is whether you enjoy your job and see a future there and it sounds like you don’t. That doesn’t mean you have to not work full stop forever.

I was in a similar situation, childcare costing a fortune for a job I didn’t like for very little money in the end.

I took a career break and felt so much better. It doesn’t have to be permanent. I did a bit of volunteering then retrained. . I now work for myself and it works around school hours. I kept the hours quite low whilst kids were young at school and they needed me more. Now they are at secondary and older I can up my hours.

powkin · 12/09/2020 10:41

My only big consideration would be your pension, you not might be bringing much home but employer would still be paying in. Also here there are still NO groups and so they might be getting a lot more quality stimulation at nursery. If you can go back in a few years and have a social network outside work then go for it.

Nixen · 12/09/2020 10:45

A career break maybe but I wouldn’t stop working completely. It’s a bloody difficult job market out there, I don’t know the industry you’re in but you do have to think why would they hire a 45 year old with no recent experience over potentially a large amount of good candidates with recent experience?