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Stay or go (work related)

6 replies

mylittleyumyum · 10/09/2020 09:03

I'll try to keep this brief. I was part of a small experimental team at work. I really enjoyed it, embraced the change etc etc. One of my colleagues, an older woman who has been with the company for years was out of her depth, very vocal about it and fought back against every change that was made. She began to resent my involvement, and the fact that I was known for being adaptable and easy-going.
She would burst into tears at meetings when new ideas were suggested, complaining that it wasn't the job she'd applied for, they couldn't keep changing the goal posts etc. The other woman in the team, a lot younger, had adopted her as a mother-figure, so she was taken on side, and the both of them fought back against every suggestion that was made - to the point of threatening to speak to H.R and ultimately leave.
The project was abandoned, and we all settled back into mundanity, a job I could do well, stress free. But she hadn't forgotten, and the digs about me were pretty constant. "Oh YOU enjoyed all that other stuff, you're clever when it comes to all that" just snide little comments along the lines that I thought myself better, and above the role we were in.
A while later there became a need for someone to fill another position elsewhere in the company. Our team was short of work so one of us was the natural option. It involved travel to another site and was intense and pretty stressful, involving meetings with high level staff and public speaking which is not me at all. She actively campaigned for me to go, started her crying again about how she couldn't do it, and would leave if she were 'made' to. I made no such fuss, but calmly explained that I felt this particular role was out of my comfort zone, didn't play to any of my strengths and would plunge me further into anxiety. My pleas were ignored, the manager of the other team was impressed by my previous track record and it was agreed I would step into the role on a temporary basis until they recruited another staff member.
Here we are, over a year later. I do a good job but I feel physically sick every day. I am in tears regularly. I take herbal supplements to balance my mood. I drink almost every night. I'm doing a mentally demanding job which is so far from the role I came from I may as well be working for a different company entirely.
My old team mates have shunned me, they haven't spoken to me for months, they have effectively frozen me out.
Now one of the old team has been on long term sick. We have just found out she will not be returning, so the manager wants me back. The manager who stopped speaking to me as soon as she completed my handover, who refused to reply to my requests to return.
I'm due to go back in 6-8 weeks and she still hasn't spoken to me.
There's no question of me staying where I am - this job has broken me. The old one is comfortable, easy and I can do it well.
But I don't trust the company. I don't trust the politics. I was treated like crap because I am so amenable (a pushover?) It could easily happen to me again.
And here's the kicker - I have been called up for two interviews after months of applying for other jobs.
However neither of the jobs I applied for offer the flexibility I currently have - childcare will be very complicated.
My head is minced today. I guess I don't expect replies or assistance as such, but typing this all out is incredibly cathartic, and I can sit back now and look at it all more objectively.

OP posts:
Bearnecessity · 10/09/2020 09:11

Do what you think will make you is too short to do anything-else...

Gazelda · 10/09/2020 09:23

If you could clear the air with your old team and manager, would that make the return ok? Is there someone at work you could talk with about this - a mentor or HR person you feel comfortable with?

I don't think you should meekly good back to your old dept without addressing their treatment of you. It's important to feel valued at work.

I'm risk averse and would personally go fir this option for a couple of reasons - childcare and to give myself time in a familiar role to recover from the stressful secondment.

But why not use some leave to go to the other interviews? See what your options are? .

mylittleyumyum · 10/09/2020 10:22

Thanks, I would like the option to clear the air, but I'm not sure how to approach this. Unfortunately there is no real unbiased party I could bring into this. Thankfully we are still working remotely so at least I don't have to walk into the office to be met with the silence again. I'm looking forward to 'relaxing' and as you say, it will help me get over what I'm doing currently.

However, there is also the worry of me being brought back here at a moments notice again.

One of the interviews is on Monday. I'll go, see what we think of each other. The job itself sounds fantastic, I guess I can address the childcare issue if I am successful.

OP posts:
Topsy44 · 10/09/2020 11:48

I think going for the interviews would be a good idea. If you are right for the roles and they want you, I believe that an employer will be flexible.

I think it can be easy to get stuck in a bit of a rut with 'better the devil you know' but it sounds like you were really shafted on being made to do a job that you really didn't want to do and that's extremely unfair. I think there are better companies out there that wouldn't let that happen. Good luck.

yonfarcountryblows · 10/09/2020 12:01

I had a senior role in very stressful responsible job, the feed back from my colleagues was "I was too committed, I needed to "let things some things go", the feed back from my managers unsurprisingly was exceedingly positive I was doing a brilliant job! I was trying and totally failing to do other things outside of work. 2 1/2 years in I burnt out, (no surprise to my colleagues) my boss moved me to a less stressful role for 4 weeks sent me to staff support. I learnt one thing from it: "you must do what is right for you f**k everyone else". I resigned took an easier job, slightly tedious at time but brilliant at others, slightly less money, less hours, Im a new woman: my blood pressure is back to normal, I sleep at night, every one comments on how much better I look. I see my old colleagues they are so stressed run ragged. Looking back I wonder why I stuck the previous job for so long.

Chottie · 10/09/2020 15:24

Please put your health first. No job is worth it. When you work with toxic people, it can affect your whole life.

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