4 year old ran into the road

[witchygrub]

She's just started primary school. She wouldn't listen to me the moment I picked her up. She kept running away in the playground everytime I told her it was time to go home. She asked me to pick her up halfway home, but I refused. She had a massive tantrum and tried to take her uniform off, hit herself in the head, punched me. Then she ran into the middle of the road. I shouted at her to come back and ran after her to get her out of the road. I finally carried her home and told her that she's in big trouble at home.

I'm so angry at her. She's never done this before and I just don't understand why she's behaving like this. She was an angel all the way home yesterday. She could have been killed.

Has this happened to anyone before?

I feel like she should know better at this age.

What should I do to ensure she doesnt do it again?

Hold her hand. Engage her with something interesting on the way home. Give her a snack. Carry her for parts of the journey home.

Any of the above really

And she's 4. They don't know better. I'm assuming she's just started school? It's a big thing for them. Just choose your battles and this phase will pass

Could she be hungry? Is she eating all her lunch? At that age my dcs were ravenous after school and acted up until they had eaten something. I used to take a banana or breadsticks.

Short answers: yes.
Not yet
Calm down.

Long answer.
She's 4yo. That seems huge now, but with my youngest is now 13yo and 4yo is so small, and they are learning. She's just started school, and a lot of children are overwhelmed at first.

All of mine.
Dd1-my most compliant. Ran out in front of a car with no warning at about that age. Never did it before. Car happened to be a police car, which stopped and he got out and told her why she should never do it again.
Dd2 thought throwing a strop and dropping to the floor in the middle of a road was a great attention getter. Tbf it was.
Ds was more occupied with not getting to school when he was your dd's age. But I remember him on the way home just running straight over a zebra crossing because he was trying to get away as soon as possible.

Any parent that tells you they never had any heart stopping moments is wrong.

I was told they don't really get road safety until age 8yo. Yes she does know better when she's thinking carefully, but you can't trust a 4yo in the heat of a moment.

Not to do it again.
First: Go and give her a hug. Ask her what went well at school. Who did she sit with, what did she have for lunch. Praise her for eating her lunch. Tell her that the craft activity must have looked amazing. Get her smiling and feeling positive.
Then apologise for losing your temper. Yes, that seems silly, and she did deserve it, but you'll actually have more impact on her.
Say that you were scared. You were scared that a car would hit her and she would be badly hurt. (don't go in to killed, that's too much for that age). Grownups do get angry when they're scared too.
Tell her that you are upset that she didn't listen to you, and you love her very much. Remind her that roads are dangerous and it's important she listens to you.
Give her a hug and then go and do something together-even if it's only watching something silly on TV.

She will remember far better than you going up the wall at her. You're not rewarding her for it, you are empathising with her and showing you care.

I did all those things. I'm just surprised she would actually go in to the road.

She didn’t go into the road though, she didn’t think that- she just darted off. And I know that’s so scary.

I used to pick mine up with the micro scooter. He would scoot and I would jog beside. Or sometimes I would scoot and he would be on with me which was awesome fun. I took a bag to show all the stuff from school in.

Also maybe just come straight home. She must be exhausted!

That was in response to @MargeryBenson

I did tell her she would get killed on the way home. I was terrified.

Maybe she is hungry. I'll take a snack for her after school tomorrow.

It sounds like she’s very over tired and school does that to them.

Make sure you hold her hand firmly so she can’t run off.

Try and make a game on the way home such as “can you see....a pretty flower” and keep her entertained until you get home

Bring a small snack to pick up

hold their wrist, harder to escape from than a hand.

feed child before leaving playground. something with instant sugar hit combined with longer lasting carbs. (maybe not possible in covid times, but asap)

tickling and blowing raspberries diffused a few situations where we were all getting fractious.

PS Nursery and Reception classes have a bloody big feence round their playgrounds fora reason. kids run off.

I found starting school, especially full time, was such a big change for my DD’s that the first weeks were a big learning curve for both of us.

I always took a snack to school with me and broke the walk down on the way home. If they didn’t want to walk I’d suggest something like marching or jumping or anything that came into my head. To me it didn’t matter how long the walk home took as long as we got home.

I also found down time when we got home helpful, uniform off, drink, snuggle on the sofa to read a book or watch a TV show or something, enough time for them to recharge their batteries. A couple of early nights helped as well.

^Thanks all. These responses are really helpful.

Self-control is a limited resource and kids use it up being good at school. It is typical to see worse behaviour with parents after school.

I imagine she is hungry and tired, and is adjusting to manage more of her feelings independantly.

My eldest used to pitch the most almighty tantrums in her first couple of weeks after starting school when she had never done that before. If got better as she settled in.

My DS had just started school nursery, he's absolutely shattered. The emotional and physical energy that he has to put into behaving and complying, listening and engaging all day. Hair trigger for tantrums when he's home as he's decompressing. I'd assume its the same for your DD.

Yep. My 4 year old has twice run into the middle of the road in the past couple of weeks, to stroke pigeons Lots of shrieking and a stiff drink later.....
Little buggers just like to test you

DD was an absolute horror last night. I've never seen her in such a state. It was day 2 of reception for her and I think she was just overwhelmed and over tired. She's a different child today (thankfully)

At 4, they might know that at a road, we have to Stop, Look, Listen and Think, but don't necessarily get the reasoning behind it, or the impact of the consequences of not doing it.

FWIW I often have to remind myself that DD is only 4 when I think she should know better - she's still very little and I forget that sometimes.

and

I always took a snack and a scooter and if they got tired pulled them along . Good luck

That sounds really stressful and frightening for you, OP. I'm sure your daughter is adjusting to being at school. Children struggle with the pressure of confirming all day so as soon as they think it's safe to kick off, they do. I also second bringing a snack with you.

Mine started reception last year and she was so fickle at pick up time, sometimes she was very happy and chatty but other times really awful, she once had a huge screaming tantrum all the way home because I took her an apple flavoured sweet and she'd wanted strawberry.

Poor thing, both of you. That sounds terrifying for you and I guess she is working through some massive things with starting reception.

I agree with what Witchend has said.

At 3, my DC ran into the road in front of a van which had to break suddenly. Luckily no one was hurt, but myself, DC and the van driver were all shaken.

Your child running into the road is very very scary as a parent. Lots of deep breaths, and a hug will help.

Now you know DD can't be trusted with traffic, hold her hand / wrist tightly so she can't escape, preferably from as soon as she comes to you in the playground. She has to earn your trust back before you let her hand go. DC is now 6, and is more reliable now.

Also, definitely have a snack for after school. This will help her to get home and also behave better.

Remember, this is not unusual behaviour for a new reception child and will improve with time (and snacks).

It worked! I gave her snacks, brought the scooter out and we got home in half the time compared to yesterday's pick up.

Thank you all for the suggestions. I even played the spot the red car game on the way. She was moaning about not having enough breakfast so I used a game to distract her.