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Neighbours turning on me

10 replies

Milsplus3 · 09/09/2020 12:50

Sorry this will be long. For background I live next door to a couple with a very yappy dog, it barks constantly for no reason and they have never made an effort to stop it or apologise to anyone. The more time has gone on, the harder it has been to live with it. For example my children are woken during the night by its barking, and again very early in the morning cutting their sleep short as they can’t get back to sleep before school. At the end of my tether I banged on the wall each time it barked, passive aggressive of me I know, but my anger got the better of me. We were sitting outside having a picnic recently and the dog was barking and growling at us, I swore loudly and they eventually took it inside slamming the door behind them. This has been going on for years. I have never spoken to them about it as we don’t talk or see each other due to work timing/school runs mainly, and I know it would become very aggressive if I did (I’m a single mum and the ‘man’ is very intimidating and nasty to women, his wife included)
I was speaking to my mum on the phone recently, I didn’t know they were sat outside listening but they heard me tell her how I am fed up hearing their dog and not getting any sleep. Since then they have been blasting music, slamming doors and talking very loudly to disturb us even more. They know I am working from home at the moment which makes it even harder. I feel like I’ve provoked them by ‘starting it’ and reacting to their dog.
Now, we live on a really small road where all the neighbours are cliquey and get involved in each others’ lives. I’m not part of that as I’m a private person and stick to hellos and good mornings. I witnessed the man from next door talking about me to 4 other neighbours, calling me names for not being happy with their dogs’ barking and how selfish I am. Apparently they are now having to muzzle their dog from fear they will be reported and lose their dog. The neighbours were discussing how vile I am for putting them in this situation and how they should make my life hell for revenge. I’m gobsmacked that they think it’s acceptable for people to be disturbed by a barking dog when the owner has the option to train said dog and not disturb anyone. Suddenly it’s my fault. I’m now second guessing myself and wondering if it’s something people are supposed to accept as part of living in a busy city, and that it counts as day to day life? That I’m the problem for being disturbed as opposed to them being at fault for causing a disturbance. I’m really hurt that people are discussing me like this when all I want is for us to have peace in the evenings and mornings without hours of barking. I have no issue with normal, reasonable day time noise I certainly don’t expect silence from them or anyone. I’m worried it will make our life here unbearable and that we will be treated badly for it. I’m now considering moving house despite being happy here (before this) as it’s social housing it will mean organising a mutual exchange but there isn’t any property available within 10 miles. My children have just started a new school this week so I’m not happy to uproot them again. Can anyone give any advice on how to block out the gossiping or anything I should do now? I don’t feel comfortable speaking to them and I certainly wouldn’t apologise now. A lady I usually say hello to has blanked me this morning so I’m feeling pretty down. Tia

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Ludo19 · 09/09/2020 13:05

I had nearly 14yrs of this. I lived alone in council housing and the couple downstairs had bought their property. They were truly awful to live with. They put nails in my drive (couldn't prove it) I needed 6 tyres in the space if a year. Dog dirt under the handles of the door. Stealing stuff out of the garden. Slamming doors. The lies they spread about me was awful, said i was a drug addict and a drunk....which i was neither. These "people" who chose to believe their lies were in my book worse. Luckily I got out of there but their behaviour made me suicidal. I was threatened, called names. I couldn't sit in my garden or hang out washing as they'd put the hose on it. To me people like that take advantage of someone living on their own. Try your best to ignore the neighbours....they're probably glad your neighbours aren't bothering them.

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Itsrainingnotmen · 09/09/2020 13:09

Keep a diary and report them op. And to the rspca. They can't keep a muzzled on a ddog long term poor thing... Get cctv up. Get some headphones and put them in when they are around.

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Milsplus3 · 09/09/2020 13:29

Thank you both. Sorry to hear that happened to you Ludo. I know I’m now doing what he wants which is living in fear of consequences. If I report them then I worry it will get worse and I’ll have to move either way now.
I have cctv in the back garden as they poured petrol in my plants last year, as I was genuinely worried they’d light it I had to dig up half my garden. It records the barking so I do have evidence. Even if I did report them and it went in my favour I would still have to face the neighbours and consequences.
They are disgusting bullies playing victims and I have no one to stick up for me, I’m not confrontational and just want to live in peace. I’m unsure how I can go about an exchange as I feel awful keeping this from potential tenants but I can’t be honest or they won’t swap. I can’t get my head around neighbours not telling them to keep their dog quiet and they wouldn’t have this issue, but think it’s ok to make threats against me because I’m alone with 4 children.

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Poppet1974 · 09/09/2020 13:51

Sounds horrendous, no you’re not in the wrong for wanting some peace and quiet in your own home. Can you report again to the council, he is trying to bully you, no doubt about that.
Ultimately you may want to move, life’s too short!

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user1471538283 · 09/09/2020 15:26

Please try and move. People like this annoy me. Having a constantly barking dog and loud music is not normal family noise and is not part of living in a city. I've lived in cities all my life and when you live close to others you are more considerate not less. Clearly he thinks he's the big man. See how he likes it if a proper man moves into your house after you ...

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Milsplus3 · 09/09/2020 16:23

Thank you all, appreciate the encouragement. I’m making an effort this weekend to get the house ready to exchange, it does need redecorating so will take some time to get there. it’s put a huge downer on this house so I can feel myself falling out of love with it now sadly. I have a feeling they just want me gone because I don’t follow them round like minions like the other neighbours do. You’re right he certainly wouldn’t do this if a man was around. I wish I could attach my cctv footage to show you how bad it is, if the neighbours lived next door to them they certainly wouldn’t be supporting them. Think I need to grow a thicker skin and ignore them all for now.

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Dullardmullard · 09/09/2020 23:24

In the meantime get everyone headphones that cancel out noise

I’d move to be honest But not everyone has that luxury
I moved to semi rural no neighbours and it’s been bliss
I privately rent though

Good Luck now

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MoreRainbowsPlease · 09/09/2020 23:40

Please contact your Housing officer, they will be able to help you with this and as you have evidence of your neighbours behaviour hopefully they will do something quickly. They can move you which may be quicker than trying to do a mutual exchange. Also things sound pretty awful now so it may be that if you report them to the housing association or the council things won't get any worse, as they sound unbearable already.

You have my sympathy, the house we live next to is rented out and at one point the tennants had a husky dog that they shut out in the garden all the time. They never walked it and didn't ever seem to interact with it much other than to shout at it. I don't know why they had it. It howled all the time. They went out a lot, but I am at home most of the time due to health problems. It was awful as it would howl for hours at a time. Fortunately for me they moved after 18 months. I did talk to them and they were apologetic and said they would do something about it, but they didn't other than shouting at the dog to shut the fuck up. Which was nearly as annoying as the howling!

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Dawnlassie · 10/09/2020 00:08

How old is the dog? With any luck its old and might die soon.

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sunshinesupermum · 10/09/2020 12:38

So helpful. Not. Dawnlassie

OPs problems with her neighbours aren't just about the barking dog, who sounds very stressed, but the neighbours' behaviour towards her.

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