How do I come to terms with not having any more babies?

[Nic165]

I have 3 children - eldest 5, middle 2 and youngest 4 months. DP and I both firmly agreed we would have no more. He was settled at 2 - our last baby was a little surprise. I suffered really bad after my middle child with post natal depression which was made worse knowing DP didn't want any more than 2 kids. Along came number 3 and I know deep down how hard I find pregnancy and how tough the newborn stage is. I've been doing fine the past 4 months, no hint of PND but yet the past few days I've had this sense of emptiness creep in again - fuelled by the fact I know I'll never see those lines on a pregnancy test again, feel a baby kicking for the first time etc. I feel such a sense of despair about this - even though I know I couldn't go through it again.

Can anyone please share some advice on how I move past this?

It'll pass. 3 children is plenty, your hormones are kicking in and making you want more. It's not real. Just acknowledge the feelings and wait for them to go.

Once you move passed the baby stage and those memories fade a bit and are replaced by memories of older children and fun times then it gets easier. You are too close to it at the moment.

Get some hobbies and interests of your own that aren't baby related. Plan a career if you don't have one. Study. Join a gym. There's a whole world of things to enjoy and fulfil you when your kids are grown so start looking for it now.

Thank you. I know 4 kids would push me over the edge as I can barely cope with 3 sometimes! It's so weird this feeling comes up every time and it's so overwhelming

I felt exactly the same after having my DS2, he wasn’t an easy baby so that helped put me off having any more. It’s totally natural to have maternal feelings, that has never changed for me. Enjoy the family you have OP these feelings will pass.

I think that's what I need to find - another interest that gives me that excitement or sense of worth. I've been so caught up in babies the past few years I've lost sight of everything else. I'm going back to work after Xmas so hopefully that gives me a different focus. I'll just have to ride this out until then!

I'm the same (although I only have 2) I know deep down that 2 is best for our family for many reasons, but I get a real pang of envy when I hear pregnancy announcements, see pregnant women, see maternity stuff in shops etc etc...

However, I can kind of rationalise it in my brain by recognising that I don't actually want a 3rd baby, I'm just nostalgic for that time in my life, as it was so exciting and special. I don't actually think that having another baby would stop that.

Thanks everyone - this is exactly the perspective I need right now