Do you let dc go to bed hungry?

[Darkestseasonofall]

I'm at the end of my tether, nearly 4yo dd is an absolute nightmare when it comes to food.
She seems able to live on fresh air and not much else.
Some nights for dinner we'll all eat together, she has a mini portion of whatever is going and will just eat the bits she wants. Other nights the dc eat earlier and I'll give her choices, even when she chooses something she often refuses to eat it. Even if she ate it the day before .
She's bright enough to play me, knowing she'll get toast / fruit later.
WIBU to say no more other options, you specified what you want for tea, eat it or stave until the morning?

My 5 year old has a regular habit of not eating her dinner, but then telling me that she is starving when it is time for her to go to bed! I usually keep her uneaten dinner in the microwave. If she complains that she is hungry I offer her the food from dinner.

Otherwise I would give her a warm chocolate drink mostly milk to help fill her up. If it is the weekend I may give her some toast or cereal as she can stay up a bit later but generally she will have a warm milky drink. Don't worry though, It will pass. I have 3 children and they all went through it.

I don't.

I have been know to stick food in the fridge and reheat later when hungry though. But i don't make the dc eat things they don't like.

Otherwise I offer something boring to eat eg toast.

This evening at about 4i asked if she was hungry, she said yes, she'd like dippies (hummus, pitta, carrot sticks etc). I provided these, she took one bite and declared she isn't hungry.

In this situation I would just casually say ok, take it away and then offer it again later. I wouldn't be making anything else after that.

If mine don't like something or even just didn't fancy it then I would make them porridge or toast.

ChanceChanceChance
Absolutely right, hot buttered toast is lovely, for small children who would rather not try something new, or just don't fancy their dinner, of course they'll take the toast...

@IHaveBrilloHair

ChanceChanceChance Absolutely right, hot buttered toast is lovely, for small children who would rather not try something new, or just don't fancy their dinner, of course they'll take the toast...

My kids eat really well. My mum did the same with me. I think trying too hard to control what other people eat is unhelpful/unhealthy.

By having the toast option, my kids never had a way to make a drama, it worked for us.

Sure I read on here a very long time ago that a parent's job is to make a healthy meal, a kid's job is to decide whether to eat it.

Lots of eating behaviours are not about food, but about power struggles etc.

Oh I don't disagree, but as you said, you have good eaters, I have one too so on the odd occasion she didn't want the neal, giving her an alternative was fine.
For those who don't have good eaters, I'd say handing them such a great alternative isn't necessarily a good idea.

Have not read full thread.. OP did you say she won’t eat then when your OH gets home she says she is starving & he will give her crisps etc ..
that is the problem there .. she knows he will give her the junk food .. maybe he can offer her the food you already prepared for her ..

DS1 (4) isn't a fussy eater, so the rare times I've made something new and he's not liked it I'll make him a sandwich/beans on toast.

If he's just messing about I don't offer another dinner but I still offer pudding (usually fruit). He rarely says he's hungry at bedtime but of he did I'd give him a banana or apple (filling but not exciting)

Think of it this way. If you didn't like your tea would you eat it anyway despite it being disgusting or chuck it and make toast?

I like a middle road between go to bed hungry and mum frantically running round cooking what the child asks for, then cooking something else when they decide they dont' want that, then seeing that rejected and offering something else.

Standard boring (and cheap!) go-to seems a good answer.

As for those saying "well, it wouldn't happen because I only cook things my child likes", you clearly didn't read the OP. She is talking about a child who chooses something the OP knows she likes because she ate it the day before and then when it is in front of her turning up her nose at it. That is not behaviour to be indulged.

But I agree with not making it a battle ground. Boring replacement food that requires minimum work for the OP and does not involve much added cost.

I would also add do not give too many choices, my ds could never make a food choice, it was so difficult especially when out. He did not ever love anything and ate for fuel only. I would give what I thought he would eat, sometimes add in something new and then if he did not eat offer toast later only. I also made sure he was not filling up with snacks during the day. It is not easy!

I wouldn't let my child go to bed hungry, no. Does it matter if she only eats a couple of bites of dinner? If she does it regularly then serve up less for her? My mum used to have massive battles with my sister over food, which in turn gave me food anxiety. We had to eat everything that was given to us. If we didn't want it, we had to sit there till it was gone or would be given it back later. If we didn't eat it, mum would be pissed off. So in the end i started having anxiety about food, which made me not hungry, which meant i couldn't eat the food ... You get the idea. I still have issues now. I would set snacktimes and meal times and then give her two options for a snack - maybe she's asking for a snack when she's not actually hungry for some other reason. But don't make it into a battle with her. I remember sitting at the table wanting to cry my eyes out in front of a plate of food i just didn't feel like i could or wanted to eat. I wasnt even a fussy eater either.

At 3 (even if she is nearly 4) I think it’s too young to go to bed with nothing; at that age they have so little control over their lives that they try to use food as a way to do that and I don’t want food to become a battle ground. My DD can be a bit like that with food; one day she’ll eat really well and others she’ll say it’s “yucky” or eat “two bites” and say she’s finished. I try not to make it a battle ground and will say well that’s all you’ve got for dinner and not pay too much attention to her not eating and give her attention in other ways. If she doesn’t eat then she can have some crackers and fruit before bed and equally even if she eats all her dinner she can have that before bed if she asks as a bit of a supper type thing.
I try not to get too hung up on what DD eats per individual meal and aim to have a varied diet across the day so if she doesn’t eat much veg in the evening that’s fine as she’ll have had fruit and veg across the day

I have no time whatsoever for the "picky eater, don't indulge, my way or the highway, they won't starve" sort of approach.

Same here.

DS dietician advised us that if very little/nothing was eaten at a mealtime then we should try and stretch him to the next meal but if he seemed hungry or it was going to be a long time until the next meal (e.g., from dinner until breakfast) then we should offer him a basic snack around an hour after the rejected meal.

I don't make a new meal, but fruit is available on request in our house anyway, and DS always has a cup of milk at bedtime, so he wouldn't be properly hungry.

In my house a rejected dinner goes in the fridge. They have the option of getting it out and eating it at any point before bedtime. No other food will be offered though

Yes, but not as a punishment. Some children aren't that hungry, if she isn't malnourished it isn't going to do any harm to have a small appetite.

Not eating meals I handle exactly the same as the previous poster.

I put leftover in the fridge and thats what available until the next meal. I try not to do food they don't like, so if I do a new meal and it doesn't go down well then I would offer toast/snacks.

I also wouldn't be asking if she's hungry or wants her tea. I would just do dinner for a time of your choice, give her the meal and if she doesn't eat it thats her choice and its available until the morning. Don't make a fuss.